Am I ridiculous or is this somewhat normal

brownbook · May 7, 2016

It does sound a little normal. Strong memories and feelings about your old job and old friends can't compare to your new situation. You probably don't remember, (or maybe even didn't have to), make an effort at your old job to make friends. Could be just plain luck that your old job had good camaraderie, maybe there is just different ???? culture ??? at the new job?

Irregardless you have to just start over. Walk into your job every day as if it is a party and you're the host. Mingle, smile, make small talk, call people by their names. Assume that they are pleased to see you.

In spite of my advice, and really understanding where you "come from". Don't try to, expect to, make your co-workers your friends, don't plan your social life around co-workers. Maybe after working there a while, and I mean at least a year, you find you and a co-worker really get along, have a lot of the same interests, etc. Then maybe you can become friends, meet after work, socialize, but being friends, socializing with co-workers, can be a bad idea.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · May 7, 2016

Focus on doing your job to the best of your ability. Find social and personal fulfillment outside of work. Don't expect these people to be your friends-I actually think it's better that way.

if you are doing a good job, your coworkers will respect that. Keep it cordial, keep it civil, but don't expect to be included in any of the camaraderie right off the bat. Do make eye contact and address people directly by name. Eventually things will get more friendly, but don't look to a job to give you personal satisfaction in that way.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · May 7, 2016

Sometimes that intangible sense of belonging is the omnipotent ingredient that makes the job tolerable to many people, including you. No, I do not think you are being ridiculous or abnormal.

However, it is not always possible to forge that sense of belonging at all workplaces. To deal with this, it is important to cultivate those connections outside the job. Good luck with this difficult situation.

calivianya, BSN, RN · May 7, 2016

I currently work in a large hospital, and just last week I got invited to do something with a group of core coworkers who have worked for my facility for years for the first time. I will have been here for two years this August.

Large hospitals have a lot of turnover. They have lots of full time staff, and the places can be revolving doors for new people coming and current employees leaving. It seems to me like a lot of the current employees don't even bother to get to know new employees well until you've been there a while. I didn't even feel like anyone except my preceptor was more than simply indifferent to me until I'd worked here six months.

I try to buddy up to all the new people myself because of this behavior - I really thought I was going to just have to leave when I first got out of orientation because they were giving me the worst assignments every single shift and they were letting me drown. Now that I'm finally doing charge, I try to be helpful and welcoming to the new people, but I see a lot of the "old timers" still modeling that old behavior where the new people need to be vetted as adequate nurses before anyone is even civil to them.

It's just going to take a while to find your place.

CBlover, BSN, RN · May 7, 2016

Thanks to everyone that has responded. Great incite. #AN'sRocks

CrunchRN, ADN, RN · May 7, 2016

Change is hard. Give it time.

LM NY · May 7, 2016

Damn! I can't get past your nurse-patient ratio. 1:7 is the minimum where I am which is a busy hospital in NYC.

quazar · May 7, 2016

Being the new kid after working in a small, tight knit hospital really really sucks the big one. It's a hard transition and it does take time to adjust and stop feeling awkward and lonely every shift. I agree with the PP who said that socializing outside of work is important. None of my coworkers are my close friends. I don't socialize with them outside of work at all, just my personal preference. Keeping work and social life separate has helped me there.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · May 8, 2016

The transition from a small hospital to a large one can be difficult. It is a different culture.

You didn't form great buddies at the smaller facility in 6 weeks. That takes time. STOP trying so hard, the new group is feeling your anxiety to fit it. You will need to prove yourself first.

Change is hard, change is good.

Congratulations on your new position:up: Let us know how it's going.

NightNerd, MSN, RN · May 8, 2016

I think that's totally normal. It's hard to make friends as an adult, period, and in something like nursing where you're thrown into some pretty wacky situations, it helps to have people you can trust, laugh with, and cry with.

Having made the same kind of switch myself, I will say that I see the sense in what the folks above say about not getting too close to coworkers. While they are the only people who fully get what I do every day (none of my close friends outside of work are nurses), it's not great to get sucked into their drama and have to pick sides or whatever. Learned that the hard way. Nothing wrong with being friendly, but that's where I try to leave it.

Simonesays, BSN, RN · May 9, 2016

I am feeling this post! Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time! I'm in a (sort-of) similar situation. I moved to a new city (new country, actually) and have found the transition to be challenging. I think change can be hard, especially if you were happy with the way things were.

I looooved my old job. I got along well with my coworkers, felt competent, and well-respected. It's not easy to move to a new hospital and feel like you are having to prove yourself all over again. It's also not easy to quickly forge strong bonds with new coworkers. However, when you are frequently comparing your old job to your new, these issues will become magnified.

For me, I left my old job for a reason. It helps to put things in perspective and remind myself of that. I am actually really lucky to be in the situation I am in. I am guessing you changed hospitals for a reason too? Also, as hard as it is to be the outsider on a cliquey floor, sometimes giving an appearance that you are unfazed by this dynamic helps with the "proving yourself" part of things. As odd as it is, some floors seem to do this as a means of testing your toughness. You have the benefit of already having close nursing friends. Talk to them! They might be able to offer you some perspective. And in time, I'm sure that you'll also develop close friendships at your new job.

It sounds like you have the nursing part of things down at work so you're a step ahead of me (electronic everything??? eep!). Keep on doing great nursing work and try not to compare your two workplaces too much. You know exactly what you left behind. And you can feel confident that it will be there if things really hit the fan and you feel the need to return (which I don't think you will!!). Good luck with your new venture! And congratulations on undertaking such a big and courageous career change!