Am I the only one to feel this way?

bluesky, BSN, RN · Sep 25, 2004

my grandmother always told me to never be jealous/envious of others because you never know what their lives are really like. instead, focus on the blessings you have before you such as: you do have a career, a healthy child, and you are healthy enough to go to work everyday and provide for your family. it is so easy to look at your life through others and make yourself feel inadequate, but the truth is everyone is always trying to improve something about their lives and wish they had something someone else has. your glass isn't half empty...its half full. write down all your blessings(no negativity at all)and i guarantee you you will feel better immediately. :)

Sooooooo true. The grass is always greener over the septic tank, hon.

zenman · Sep 25, 2004

I'm not reading all these posts, but I'll tell you a secret and I'll skip all the psychophysiological babble. Just "act" like the person you want to be.

payday · Sep 25, 2004

Try checking out the flylady website. She was in your shoes and totally turned her life around with babysteps ( one of the replies mentioned babysteps and it triggered that site). She has learned to fly--finally love yourself --even though she is still overweight.

When I see immaculately polished kids all the time, i think obsessive compulsive and anal retentive mother. Let kids enjoy childhood.

I try to repeat positive words in my mind when I am driving somewhere and put a huge smile on in the car, even if I don't feel like it. Then when you reach your destination, your smile will be more natural, mood a little better. I read that in a sales book.

Your thoughts and words become realities so be careful what you think.

I've been in some beautiful homes and sorrow exists in them too.

LadyMadonna · Sep 25, 2004

Darn it Zen if it was as easy as you say it is there wouldn't be any depressed people in the world.

I think when I saw this woman in the store (she is one of those naturally beautiful women, doesn't wear make up or flaunt around in skimpy clothes, it is just all so natural) she just further reminded me of everything I wasn't and would never be, and when you are nearly 30 and you see it it is even harder than when you were younger. When you were younger you could still feel like you had some time left to accomplish something, time left to lose weight, time left to get finished with school, maybe a few years and you still had the chance to blossom into a swan. Well some people are born ugly ducklins and stay that way. So many things I'm facing at this point in life and when it comes down to it I'm just another loser, it was just a little hard to swallow.

I have especially been emotional when a man I had been talking to literally ran away when he saw what I looked like. I'm not just fat but rather homely and plain too. Before he saw me we talked a lot and he said he really liked me. I put off meeting him. And I liked him but was too shy to send him my picture. I spent many nights talking to him on the phone, he said he wanted to take care of me. He was no Rock Hudson to me but was a retired baseball player and was tall dark and well built...a lot of women would swoon over him. He finally said it's now or never Jenn you need to show me yourself or let me come see you.

It nearly killed me but I sent him my picture and that was the end of that with Troy. He was just like 'nice knowin ya'. I became so depressed I couldn't even work. I remember standing at the med. cart looking at the same thing for about 20 minutes and I finally gave up and started bawling.

Funny I never met that man but I guess it was the rejection that upset me so bad. It was like, Ok time to face what I am and get over it. My mother was right. One time I told her about this man I met and she said "what is he interested in you for?' She wasn't being mean she was just being truthful and didn't want to see me get used or hurt which I didn't listen to her and that ended up happening anyway.

Oh well I could ramble on and on but I don't guess it would do any good or change anything...

I have taken antidepressants and am going to therapy but a therapist can't make you something you aren't.

leslie :-D · Sep 25, 2004

Oh well I could ramble on and on but I don't guess it would do any good or change anything...
I have taken antidepressants and am going to therapy but a therapist can't make you something you aren't.

with a self-defeatist attitude like that, you're right, nothing's going to change.

are you happy w/your therapist? is s/he someone you can trust, feel safe with?

and you're right; a therapist cannot make you something you are not.

but a good therapist will assist in bringing out the best in you....if you let them.

respectfully speaking, you need to stop believing the worst in yourself, or all the antidepressants and therapists in the world will not do a darned thing.

please, concentrate on getting yourself better.

totallytheresa · Sep 25, 2004

You know what I think it all boils down to? Accepting who you are. You have to find a way to say, hey- I am who I am, I have many wonderful qualities. So I'm not perfect- nobody is! And you really really really have to find a way to be ok with yourself. You may not weigh 125 lbs, be model gorgeous, have a spic and span kid, but that's OK! Ya just have to do the best that you can right now. I have felt what it sounds like you are going through, and I'm still not perfect (darn it!) but I am ok with who I am, I do the best I can, and I portray that to my kids, because they pick up on our feelings. And if that guy wasn't attracted to you, he's not the only fish out there. Just be yourself, and hard as this is- you probably won't meet Mr. Right until you feel better about who you are. If you're really not happy with who you are, then the only way to fix that is to work on change. And like Leslie said, a good therapist is important- if you aren't connecting with the one you have, there are LOTS of them out there. Good luck to you! T

Darn it Zen if it was as easy as you say it is there wouldn't be any depressed people in the world.
I think when I saw this woman in the store (she is one of those naturally beautiful women, doesn't wear make up or flaunt around in skimpy clothes, it is just all so natural) she just further reminded me of everything I wasn't and would never be, and when you are nearly 30 and you see it it is even harder than when you were younger. When you were younger you could still feel like you had some time left to accomplish something, time left to lose weight, time left to get finished with school, maybe a few years and you still had the chance to blossom into a swan. Well some people are born ugly ducklins and stay that way. So many things I'm facing at this point in life and when it comes down to it I'm just another loser, it was just a little hard to swallow.
I have especially been emotional when a man I had been talking to literally ran away when he saw what I looked like. I'm not just fat but rather homely and plain too. Before he saw me we talked a lot and he said he really liked me. I put off meeting him. And I liked him but was too shy to send him my picture. I spent many nights talking to him on the phone, he said he wanted to take care of me. He was no Rock Hudson to me but was a retired baseball player and was tall dark and well built...a lot of women would swoon over him. He finally said it's now or never Jenn you need to show me yourself or let me come see you.
It nearly killed me but I sent him my picture and that was the end of that with Troy. He was just like 'nice knowin ya'. I became so depressed I couldn't even work. I remember standing at the med. cart looking at the same thing for about 20 minutes and I finally gave up and started bawling.
Funny I never met that man but I guess it was the rejection that upset me so bad. It was like, Ok time to face what I am and get over it. My mother was right. One time I told her about this man I met and she said "what is he interested in you for?' She wasn't being mean she was just being truthful and didn't want to see me get used or hurt which I didn't listen to her and that ended up happening anyway.
Oh well I could ramble on and on but I don't guess it would do any good or change anything...
I have taken antidepressants and am going to therapy but a therapist can't make you something you aren't.

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Sep 25, 2004

It nearly killed me but I sent him my picture and that was the end of that with Troy. He was just like 'nice knowin ya'.

Ahhh...I see it all now.

You might not be pretty in the strictest sense of the word, but that could be viewed as a blessing, because it automatically cuts out all the riff-raff, know what I mean?

But Honey, you have got to realize one thing--attitude is all. You ARE beautiful.

Now here's an example. Look really really closely at Meryl Streep. Pretty she's not. But beautiful? Yes, because beauty encompasses the inner self, the character and the personality of the person.

You need to think about beauty in this way, and you need to begin to think of yourself as beautiful and special. When you know you're beautiful, others will follow your lead.

Else, what'll you do when you meet that special man who loves you for YOU, and he says, "You're beautiful"? What're you going to do? Reject him because you won't believe him? Or will you feel good enough about yourself to take that leap of faith, believe him when he says that, and love him back?

That relationship that you almost had? It would've been so lopsided--you wishing you were better and just existing to follow him around like a puppydog. That's not love.

Instead, your attitude should be, "He's the loser. He lost ME." There are too many fish in the sea to waste your tears on the ones in the shallows, if you get my drift....

Maggie in NC · Sep 25, 2004

I so agree with Zen! You can't be homely if you don't want to be! I've been 100 lbs heavier, I've had the loser, I'm raising my child on my own, so I can totally relate. You're one up on me-you have your LPN and you're taking care of your child without worrying about where you're going to work or having a job. I wish I could say the same. I think my point is, we all have our own cross to bear. NO ONE HAS A PERFECT LIFE!

If you don't like what you have-change it. Join a gym, apply to bridge from LPN to ADN, change your hair, do something but start to change and keep going!! I say this from personal experience. I bought a book, Body For Life, sucked up the cost of a personal trainer to teach me how to lift weights, and lost 75 lbs. Got laid off so I'm back in school to be an LPN-AND PROUD OF IT!! You can't compare what you are to others, because you can only change or control YOU. And, just for the record, I tried antidepressants after losing my job, my boyfriend, my mom, and my self respect-it really didn't help me find any of those things I had lost, it just made me not care as much. I realized the only way to handle the pain of all those experiences is to own them, feel them, and learn from them. YOU can learn from your pain and use it to your advantage! My therapist told me "Normal is a cycle on a washing machine. There is no such thing as "normal"-we're all different."

It's never too late to make a change-even if it's small changes. Babies don't learn to walk in a day, they crawl first. Baby steps, Lady Madonna, baby steps!! YOU CAN DO IT!!

Karina212 · Sep 25, 2004

very inspirational angel337. i think your words helped many. :)

my grandmother always told me to never be jealous/envious of others because you never know what their lives are really like. instead, focus on the blessings you have before you such as: you do have a career, a healthy child, and you are healthy enough to go to work everyday and provide for your family. it is so easy to look at your life through others and make yourself feel inadequate, but the truth is everyone is always trying to improve something about their lives and wish they had something someone else has. your glass isn't half empty...its half full. write down all your blessings(no negativity at all)and i guarantee you you will feel better immediately. :)

zenman · Sep 26, 2004

Darn it Zen if it was as easy as you say it is there wouldn't be any depressed people in the world.

Majority of the people have a choice in how they want to feel...or what they want to be.

I have taken antidepressants and am going to therapy but a therapist can't make you something you aren't.

It's all in your mind...and it's all in your body. Change your mind and your body will change. Change your body and your mind will change. Take a drug for "mental" problems and there will be physiological changes. Take a drug for physical reasons and there will be psychological changes. Are you catching on now? No charge. :crying2: or :)

mattsmom81 · Sep 26, 2004

Sooooooo true. The grass is always greener over the septic tank, hon.

Absolutely!! :rotfl: Love that analogy!!

A poster here has a tagline I love...talks about how our problems may be another person's dream. Whenever I get down I also count my blessings...and also do something good for myself. Because I deserve it, and so do YOU. I'm 'just' an overweight diploma nurse too...but we are both much more than that aren't we? Hugs to ya!

P_RN, ADN, RN · Sep 26, 2004

LadyMadonna you need a hug first. (((((((LadyMadonna ))))))))

OK now never think that you don't size up to someone you haven't seen or thought of in years. That could have been her ONLY good day in 6 months! She's probably on hands and kneees wiping the beer spill in her dirty kitchen. Only kidding. And as far as

my claim to fame is a pathetic LPN diploma

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THAT!!!

((((((Another hug)))))

We can't know what's going to happen today or tomorrow. You are doing everything right aren't you. My 2 kids had their share of nappy hair and heaven knows I still have my share of poundage.

It is getting better. Keep in touch.

P