Am I the only one to feel this way?

Published

I saw one of my former contemporaries from the nursing home where I used to work as an aide at the grocery store today. She happens to be a BSN now and assistant DON of a nursing home. She is also very beautiful (something I have never been in my wildest dreams). So she was strolling down the isles with her child (from her adoring husband, he used to dote on her when we worked in the nursing home) in the buggy. There I was, 100 pounds overweight, dressed in frumpy clothes I have worn all week, my own 3 yr old daughter with nappy hair and a dirty face I had with a loser (who also happens to be a creep who I hardly ever got a kind word from) and my claim to fame is a pathetic LPN diploma. Just seeing her tonight has made me so depressed I can't even concentrate on my studies (studying to be a "diploma" RN....whoopie do *twirling finger in the air* :stone ) and struggling as hard as I can to keep my head above water in what I am taking...I feel like such a loser and so depressed I want to cry :crying2:

Have any of you ever been in the situation I'm in? I'd like to feel I'm not alone. :o

Specializes in Critical Care, ER.
Ahhh...I see it all now.

You might not be pretty in the strictest sense of the word, but that could be viewed as a blessing, because it automatically cuts out all the riff-raff, know what I mean?

Wow, I couldn't agree more with this. You know super pretty girls often get stuck with the biggest jerks who were just the most aggressive in getting attention. I for one met my husband when I was at the top of my game looks wise and now, a difficult pregnancy and 40 lbs later, he often looks at me with disdain. I wish I had met someone who looked only into my heart and mind who would have loved me no matter what I looked like. My best friend is an AWESOME guy who met his girlfriend online and fell in love with her poetry. She didn't want to meet him for a long time for the same reasons as you have listed. He now treats her like the queen she is and I am soooooo

ENVIOUS! And she is rather homely herself to be blunt. So you fell on a toad who didn't have enough character or heart to accept you for the amazing woman you are. Believe it or not, plenty of beautiful women get dumped, cheated on, trashed and harassed all the time. I don't really envy them (well only when my husband is checking them out..... grrrrrrrrr).

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I didn't read depression in your first post, Lady, I read 'down in the dumps' and that is what you seemed to be asking for advice for. So I cannot understand your anger at some posters.

If it IS depression all our well meaning advice may not be enough...depression is different than 'down in the dumps' as all of us here know.

We have a depression thread here on the BB and many of us here have been depressed, some of our posters here still struggle with it. I hope you find your support system and use it...best wishes.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

We are nurses! Why is it that we are judging? If a patient rated their pain at a 10 who are we to say that they are overstating?? Why is depression treated differently? Do you think that *most* depressed people WANT to live that way? Ok, there may be a few that have other mental illness issues and enjoy feeling power (I suppose) by controlling people or situations with their depressive symptoms, but if they have the energy to be that cognizant and manipulative I would question if they really do, in fact, have depression.

You wouldn't dream of telling someone with a broken arm that it is all in their head, or that they shouldn't go to the ER, and instead should 'walk off the pain and wait for the endorphins to kick in', or, better yet, go to the salon and get a color because that will 'raise their spirits'. Telling these patients that, 'it's their own damn fault' and they can 'choose' to feel better and to 'take charge of their life' is like yelling at a 2-yr old because they can't do algebra. How therapeutic is that? I see a whole lot of judgemental attitudes as well as poor understanding of depressive illnesses here.

I'm pulling out my psych material, and and it puts forth several theories of depressive illness: (Keltner, 2003)

-Biology: Epi/Norepi/Serotonin imbalance

-Genetic: Major Depressive Disorder ranges from 32% to 67% in twins when one or both of the biologic parents have MDD.

-Endocrine: HPA axis/stress response theories (hypercortisolemia)

-Circadian Rhythm: altered in depressed individuals leading to shortened latency in REM and sleep disturbances.

-Psychologic: including psychoanalytic, cognitive, interpersonal and behavioral components.

And, lets not forget how female and male body chemistry is different. I'm guessing endocrine imbalances play a HUGE factor in womens depressive illnesses, but I've not done a lot of research in that area. So comparing the two is a bit presumptuous.

LadyMadonna, I hope that you can find a therapist that you are comfortable with, and like others have said before, 'use the best and ditch the rest' of the advice given here.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Just seeing her tonight has made me so depressed I can't even concentrate on my studies (studying to be a "diploma" RN....whoopie do *twirling finger in the air* :stone ) and struggling as hard as I can to keep my head above water in what I am taking...I feel like such a loser and so depressed I want to cry :crying2:
And, why are we so quick to assume this is the 'blues' rather than depression? Don't we have an obligation to assess or for depression? If so, why are we so quick to minimize it? :o
Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thank you for your attention.

Yes, there is confusion on understanding depression. When people tell other people to 'go get a haircut' or 'exercise and get those endorphins flowing' rather than give appropriate advice, you darn right I'll call it like I see it, no apologies.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Take the sh** or get off the toilet.
I agree. That is good advice....for someone not completely bogged down in depression.
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC and MED-SURG.
ditto. "woe is me" will not get you very far. I think your are looking for the shallow-MTV-culture-lifestyle as your route to the holy-grail. My guess is you wouldn't be happy if you were 100 lbs lighter and beautiful. Self defeating thoughts are powerful.

This advise comes from someone who was in a horrible car accident and spent 3 months in the hospital, six months in a wheelchair, and covered from head to toe with scars... I spent a couple of years comparing myself to people who were beautiful and un-scared. One day I decided I would no longer accept those thoughts... so I don't.

Lady Madonna:

I agree with mgreenhorn above. You really seem to be accepting the beauty standards of the pop culture. Perhaps you should take some time and analyze the lives of the of the so-called "beautiful" people in American Society. Please! Please! Please! don't push your attitude off on your child.

I am really concerned about you. I am 53 and embarking on a new career from scratch, so I know that you are way too young to have such a defeatist attitude. I am sensing something else underneath all that you're saying. Please e-mail me at [email protected]. I really think I might be able to help you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I didn't read depression in your first post, Lady, I read 'down in the dumps' and that is what you seemed to be asking for advice for. So I cannot understand your anger at some posters.

If it IS depression all our well meaning advice may not be enough...depression is different than 'down in the dumps' as all of us here know.

We have a depression thread here on the BB and many of us here have been depressed, some of our posters here still struggle with it. I hope you find your support system and use it...best wishes.

You're right, it didn't start as a depression thread at first (though in a roundabout way it was about depression) but it kind of ended up getting into a depression discussion. It is just the ignorance (and arrogance) I was so angry at. But it seems like the less some people know the stronger their opinions are.

Mr. Zen, if he truly feels that way about depressed people, could have NEVER suffered from true depression, and to throw that new age world's best philosophers etc. bit just steeled my wool.

Thanks for the best wishes.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, ER.
ditto. "woe is me" will not get you very far. I think your are looking for the shallow-MTV-culture-lifestyle as your route to the holy-grail. My guess is you wouldn't be happy if you were 100 lbs lighter and beautiful. Self defeating thoughts are powerful.

This advise comes from someone who was in a horrible car accident and spent 3 months in the hospital, six months in a wheelchair, and covered from head to toe with scars... I spent a couple of years comparing myself to people who were beautiful and un-scared. One day I decided I would no longer accept those thoughts... so I don't.

Lady Madonna:

I agree with mgreenhorn above. You really seem to be accepting the beauty standards of the pop culture. Perhaps you should take some time and analyze the lives of the of the so-called "beautiful" people in American Society. Please! Please! Please! don't push your attitude off on your child.

I am really concerned about you. I am 53 and embarking on a new career from scratch, so I know that you are way too young to have such a defeatist attitude. I am sensing something else underneath all that you're saying. Please e-mail me at [email protected]. I really think I might be able to help you.

I also sense more issues with anger and self-esteem than depression. Lady Madonna, have you been taunted about your looks before? Are there other relationships that ended in betrayal in your life? Please share. I think you are perhaps displacing your anger from the toad who severly deserves it.

Have you told the toad what an orifice he is yet?

How exactly do you know this woman has a perfect life? Are you familiar with all her relationships, her medical history, her psych history, her financial status, her ambitions, her dreams, etc,etc?

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You are not the only one who feels unfullfilled. My heart goes out to you as well. Some good advice my father gave me years ago couldn't be truer...Never wish for what others "seem" to have. I was envious of a dear friend: married, with a $100,000+ income, smart/popular children, she hosts parties for co-workers/friends with great turn outs, two family cruises a year, I could go on and on. Well kind to find out, her husband and her are knee deep in debt, living paycheck to paycheck and fight about money ALL THE TIME (a confession from my friend as of recent). So, my dad was right. Be happy for what I have, not for what I don't. Make sense? Good luck to you. As far as your degree, there is nothing wrong with it. Be proud of yourself. Sounds corny, but be the best you can be, because you are the best you that is. Good luck and happy wishes to you.:)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I also sense more issues with anger and self-esteem than depression. Lady Madonna, have you been taunted about your looks before? Are there other relationships that ended in betrayal in your life? Please share. I think you are perhaps displacing your anger from the toad who severly deserves it.

Have you told the toad what an orifice he is yet?

How exactly do you know this woman has a perfect life? Are you familiar with all her relationships, her medical history, her psych history, her financial status, her ambitions, her dreams, etc,etc?

Bluesky before I answer you I just want to address some of the others ragging me up one side and down the other (don't try to back peddle now I know exactly what you mean by what you were saying)

Hot damn I hope some of you folks aren't mental health nurses. In fact, I know you aren't (thank God). I might be some loser in a blue funk but I'm not about to be brow beaten by some armchair critics who have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to depression. Depression is as painful as any physical pain a person could feel, even more so. And it has NOTHING to do with mindset. When you are depressed it doesn't matter what kind of affirmations you give yourself, it doesn't matter of you are Cindy Crawford or the Queen. When you suffer from true depression you cannot MAKE yourself 'get up and get to it'..."Oh...if Joan had only gotten a healthclub membership she would not have committed suicide"...come on, if you can't see the absurdity there isn't much else anone can tell you.

Bluesky I have a younger sister who looks like Julia Roberts (only prettier, and that is the truth!) I, however, got the worst from both sides of my family. Since we were young I was always the ugly one who stood in the shadows while everyone from the school principal to aunts and uncles to complete strangers doted on her. I started getting teased about my big nose early in school. I was sexually assaulted in the second grade by another boy and that is the earliest I remember feeling depressed. And so in about the third grade as I continued getting teased I would feel worse and worse and started acting out by dressing like a boy and getting into sports (though I wasn't any good at them). I didn't feel like I had any place to be trying to act feminine like the other girls.

Anyway, I was shunned and ridiculed pretty much throughout my school career which helped turn me into a recluse.

I had a blind date once when I got out of high school but he didn't even stop his car. He slowed down and sped off after he saw me standing out by the road waiting on him.

So I pretty much gave up on meeting anyone by that route anymore. So I started answering personal ads and finally got a date with this guy who was legally blind. He was kind of pathetic too so we started hanging out together and after awhile he realzied I was handy to have around (could drive him all over the place and wait on him hand and foot) so he kind of started clinging to me. He was legally blind but he could see tell that me and my sister looked nothing alike so he started comparing us. He also turned out to be a control freak and a jerk. I ended up having three kids with him and I just despise him to this day. He knows I hate him but he wants me to stay at all costs because he knows no one else will have him...

Oh, my sister also happens to have gotten the high IQ's and the exceptional artistic talents that run in my family (I doubt I would break into the triple digits) and has a BS in Business and landed a job straight out of college making almost $40,000 a year and my mom gleefully told me she has been promised good chance for adbancement. She will probably be making $60,000 in a few years or so. Hey, that's just wonderful. I had to take college algebra three times before I passed...that is just so fanbloodytastick. Oh did I mentin she is an accomplished violinist??? Plays with the symphony orchestra???

She still lives with my mom and I happened to use her computer to go online...she had yahoo messenger on and kept getting IM'ed one after the other by these good looking successful men who wanted to meet her (they showed me their webcams...didn't know they were talking to a toad.)

So...like I'm sure everyone has had their share of hard times and they were able to deal with it so I should just get a grip and move on with life (waa). Well if that is all anyone has to add just save it because I am aware that other people have problems and were able to deal with it.

I know there are people who have survived horrendous child hoods and who come out with a positive attitude and are successful...well GUESS WHAT? It doesn't matter! because that has NOTHING to do with depression!

I wasn't going to bore anyone with the details so thank you for asking me to do it Bluesky...I can still see ignorance abounds and much of the world is still in the dark ages when it comes to mental health. What a shame. I'll bet we have a lot here who believe people who commit suicide are going to hell...geez.

I've just got to go. My indigestion is eating me up...how much Alka Seltzer can a person take in one day???:uhoh3:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
You are not the only one who feels unfullfilled. My heart goes out to you as well. Some good advice my father gave me years ago couldn't be truer...Never wish for what others "seem" to have. I was envious of a dear friend: married, with a $100,000+ income, smart/popular children, she hosts parties for co-workers/friends with great turn outs, two family cruises a year, I could go on and on. Well kind to find out, her husband and her are knee deep in debt, living paycheck to paycheck and fight about money ALL THE TIME (a confession from my friend as of recent). So, my dad was right. Be happy for what I have, not for what I don't. Make sense? Good luck to you. As far as your degree, there is nothing wrong with it. Be proud of yourself. Sounds corny, but be the best you can be, because you are the best you that is. Good luck and happy wishes to you.:)

Thanks, I know exactly what you mean. It is just sometimes hard to not get caught up in what others appear to be and to stop and appreciate what you do have.

My kids are healthy. Deep down I realize that is all I care about. If it wasn't for these kids I would have no reason or desire to live. It may sound sick but that's how I feel.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion