Am I the only one to feel this way?

Trauma Columnist · Sep 25, 2004

What great advice you are getting. I don't think I could add anything! Please understand that you are a wonderful person. As someone said, there are only 10 super-models - the rest of us just hang in there! As to your beautiful daughter - all too soon they get older! My youngest is now 19 and yes, he still gets dirty - both sons are mechanics. But, one of my absolute favorite pics of my boys is when we had a rain storm and the front yard had a depression in the lawn and it filled with water and my two boys - then ages 6 and 1 were out there absolutely covered in mud. My neighbor yells from across the street "I wouldn't let my daughter play in the mud - just look how dirty your kids are!" I smiled back at her and said "Yep!" Its a cherished memory.

SmilingBluEyes · Sep 25, 2004

MY kids LOVE getting dirty. Heck that is what washing machines and tubs are for. You are only a kid ONCE in life. It's normal to get dirty in learning and at play. It's wonderous and FUN.

Katnip, RN · Sep 25, 2004

Dear Lady, I can relate to how you feel.

Be careful about judging others from what you see on the outside.

Just because Ms Perfect looks like she's happy, you don't really know for sure. Her husband could be a philanderer. Her perfect child could turn into a drug addict because he's being pressured to perfection. She could have the Wicked Witch of the West for a mother-in-law. Think Stepford Wives. Maybe she's not real. :rolleyes:

I don't know about anybody else, but when some kid never looks grubby, it gives me the creeps. Kids are supposed to be out and about getting dirty, skinning their knees, etc.

I don't know of anyone who has a perfect life. Some just hide it better than others.

MandyInMS · Sep 25, 2004

Never judge your insides with someone elses outsides.
Ditto that...things aren't always as they seem on the "outside".

Sheri257 · Sep 25, 2004

I learned a long time ago that people's seemingly perfect lives aren't always so perfect.

For example, a friend of mine who seemed to have everything just revealed she and her husband are having severe martial problems, and have had these problems for years. Despite the fact that we are close, she never told me until now. She did a great job of concealing it from me because she wanted me to believe otherwise. She's very concerned about appearances, even with her closest friends.

There's really no point in comparing yourself to someone else because, for all you know, their life may not be so great either.

:coollook:

live4today, RN · Sep 25, 2004

i saw one of my former contemporaries from the nursing home where i used to work as an aide at the grocery store today. she happens to be a bsn now and assistant don of a nursing home. she is also very beautiful (something i have never been in my wildest dreams). so she was strolling down the isles with her child (from her adoring husband, he used to dote on her when we worked in the nursing home) in the buggy. there i was, 100 pounds overweight, dressed in frumpy clothes i have worn all week, my own 3 yr old daughter with nappy hair and a dirty face i had with a loser (who also happens to be a creep who i hardly ever got a kind word from) and my claim to fame is a pathetic lpn diploma. just seeing her tonight has made me so depressed i can't even concentrate on my studies (studying to be a "diploma" rn....whoopie do *twirling finger in the air* :stone ) and struggling as hard as i can to keep my head above water in what i am taking...i feel like such a loser and so depressed i want to cry
have any of you ever been in the situation i'm in? i'd like to feel i'm not alone.

wow! can you be any harder on yourself lady madonna? where is all this anger coming from? it is obvious you are depressed about your current state of being, so that is "a given". however....one of the worst things we human beings can do to ourselves is to get into a mode of "comparison" by comparing ourselves with another.

[color=#4b0082]the first thing you should do is to stop comparing yourself with someone else. [color=#4b0082]you are you.

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[color=#4b0082]here is an assignment for you:

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[color=#4b0082]go to a mirror, look deep into your eyes and say to yourself , "(insert your name here), i am my own best friend. if i don't love me, i won't believe that it's possible for anyone else to love me either."

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[color=#4b0082]tell yourself this as many times a day as you can...even if you don't feel the love for yourself, continue this assignment.

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[color=#4b0082]next, seek counseling to overcome the negative image you have of yourself. if you believe in god, talk to him...he's the best listener i know. :) you don't have to talk to him in a certain way, you just spit it out and let your feelings fly. he already knows what they are anyway, but he doesn't butt in our business...it's up to us to come to him...it's that "freewill thing" he has given to each one of us. :)

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[color=#4b0082]until you begin to believe in yourself, and find yourself worthy, no amount of advice anyone can offer you will make you feel any better. even if you were a "cindy crawford look-a-like" you would still feel like crap on the inside. beauty on the inside far outlast the beauty on the outside.

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[color=#4b0082]as for the lady you saw in the store....none of us truly know the pain and concerns another have by looking at their lifestyle. she may need inner love and warmth you seek, too. you know it is not true that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence". those who have crossed over to "the other side of that fence" with hopes of "enjoying the greener grass" have found out the same crap sneaks up on them that they were dealing with before they made the jump, and until you stop where you are and deal with the "basement issues" of your life, nothing else will appear any brighter for you.

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[color=#4b0082]now....here's some balloons to make you feel better. :balloons:

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[color=#4b0082](i know from what i preach...i've walked this path myself once):kiss

boulergirl, CNA · Sep 25, 2004

Hey, I dropped out of college TWICE and never finished. It's embarrassing for me to face people and explain to them why a smart young woman like me is a nurse's aide making $8 an hour. At least you're trying to improve your circumstances instead of playing the victim. Kudos! :coollook:

I know what you mean about feeling inadequate next to your peers. I don't usually look so hot when going out in public either. I don't have a long list of accomplishments or a fancy wardrobe. But my sister tells me I'm a "strong woman" because I've successfully lived on my own for four years on a small income.

And yes, I've had my share of "loser" men--seems to be my lot in life. One of my ex-boyfriends is now sitting in jail for child molestation. I almost married this guy when I was 17 (long before he did this)!! We all get involved with our share of losers, I think.

Recently I started playing clarinet again and practicing with a church orchestra. Everyone else in the clarinet section is WAAAAAY ahead of me--I've been out of practice for six years, and constantly have to fight feelings of embarrassment about my plastic clarinet and wimpy lungs. But I'm doing this anyway, because I want to do it, and will improve in time.

I struggle with feelings of inadequacy all the time, but we live in a society that is very image-conscious and status-driven. Fighting the tide is hard to do. Don't let your feelings about your friend's success get in the way of YOUR success. You're moving up, too!

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Sep 25, 2004

I know when I was married, many of my friends were jealous of MY marriage. Little did they know!

Exactly. I used to be thin and beautiful. I was married to a man who was drop-dead gorgeous. He had perfect manners--when we were out with other people.You could eat off the floors of my home.

People thought I had it made. It was easy to keep up the charade, to smile and "make nice."

But I was thin and pretty because I spent the entire marriage worrying that I was losing him. He criticized, I jumped. When he wasn't home, I waited and cleaned and cooked, and waited and cleaned and cooked. But I couldn't eat a thing because I knew he was out fooling around, not playing cards at a friend's house.

That's why my house was so spotless, my children so perfectly clean.

Today, I look frumpy, the house is a wreck, and I've gained too much weight. But my second husband doesn't care about that stuff--he loves me and I love him.

Life's not about looks, thank God, and you're no loser. Believe me. I know.

burger914 · Sep 25, 2004

Please never say you are just an LPN! You are a nurse and one that is trying to better herself! I have a friend, (Who I love dearly) who can make me feel like a complete failure in one visit. She is a wonderful women and it's not intentional, but everytime I see her I just wonder what the heck I'm doing. She works full-time, has a really nice, SPOTLESS house, is a great cook who is always baking from scratch, is extremely crafty and is as thin as a rail. In short...she is a nice Martha Stewart. Oh and she is an incredible nurse!

My house always looks like a tornando has gone thru..(and I have no kids) I am looking frumpy ALL the time. I can hardly boil water..let alone bake from scratch.

Please, love your sweet baby with her dirty face, be proud you are a good mom and a good nurse and be proud you are going to get your RN diploma.(Our diploma program is considered to have the BEST graduate nurses!) It is HARD work being a mom and it's hard work being a nurse. Give yourself some well deserved credit

live4today, RN · Sep 25, 2004

exactly. i used to be thin and beautiful. i was married to a man who was drop-dead gorgeous. he had perfect manners--when we were out with other people.you could eat off the floors of my home.
people thought i had it made. it was easy to keep up the charade, to smile and "make nice."
but i was thin and pretty because i spent the entire marriage worrying that i was losing him. he criticized, i jumped. when he wasn't home, i waited and cleaned and cooked, and waited and cleaned and cooked. but i couldn't eat a thing because i knew he was out fooling around, not playing cards at a friend's house.
that's why my house was so spotless, my children so perfectly clean.......
...............life's not about looks, thank god, and you're no loser. believe me. i know.

ummm....did we by chance live in the same house with the same husband? :uhoh3: :rotfl: sounds exactly like my first marriage. and...the second one turned out to be a farce, too. :rolleyes:

leslie :-D · Sep 25, 2004

i truly feel your hopelessness and depression.

although you have received excellent advice already, i would certainly encourage you to seek therapy asap.

it's easy to 'intellectualize' and tell yourself only the positive, yet it will be of little benefit until you actually believe it.

and that is going to take commitment to help yourself through therapy (make sure you find a good one!!).

working through the pain, you will emerge free and self-accepting.

it really doesn't matter about how anyone else is perceived.

you matter; not the skinny rich broad that 'seems' to have it all.

and until you start truly loving yourself, everything else is a moot point.

please do something positive and get a referral to a therapist.

it will be the most important 1st step you take.

wishing you love and peace,

leslie

Godswill · Sep 25, 2004

Lady, i am sorry you feel this way but i can relate I am 27, never finish collge , i am currently getting my LPN but i am a senior in college who decided she no longer wanted to be a a social worker,I feel like a loser for wasting time with that, i could have been done this.

WHEN you get on weight, i am the queen for not loving my self, most i am a size 6-8 well i go to the store yesterday and buy my self some scrubs, but while i am there i try on regular clothes i tried on a medium to me it was to tight a large it was to tight at least to me around my butt, i don't like really fitted clothes, but it was in the juniors department. I was so upset the sales lady said but mam you are in the juniors so don't feel bad. I WAS CRYING!!! I can easly wear a size 6, or 7, 8 or small and medium in the missy department, but since i could not wear the clothes in the junior department it RUIN My whole day and i have been depressed since. my sil was like dee you are a darn size 8 you are tripping, but guess what right now I HATE my size, i always find everyone looks smaller than me even though they wear bigger size.

Maybe we need to learn to love us, i know thats my problem :rolleyes: