Would you have called out?

[Angeljho]

So, I'm in the hot seat with some family members.

I have family who traveled from the South for a planned family get-together/reunion. Of course, they chose a weekend that I work even though I told them ahead of time that I would be working. It's very hard to request a weekend off. After my request was denied (big surprise there), I tried to switch with someone and had no luck. My family then pressured me to call out and I didn't. First off, calling out after getting a denied request is a huge NO-NO. Today they're leaving and I feel so guilty; not to mention that they are furious with me. I feel guilty because I received advice from several of my co-workers and they said they would have called out for family they don't regularly spend time with.

Would you have called out?

[Libby1987]

Sounds like you regret missing out on so much. Organize something on your time off, go to them. Bring good stuff. Make it clear you made an effort because you miss them. And then enjoy it.

* I do this. I'm the black sheep being the only one who moved out of area. Okay everybody, I'm coming down for Mom's bday next month 3rd weekend in May, can we get together? My family appreciates the effort and returns the same by making time for me coming down.

Just don't make make it about being right. They're your family.

[brighidh]

Weird that several of your coworkers said they would have called out but wouldn't help you out.

I think this was the most astute observation on this thread.

So quick to tell you what to do (or what they'd do) but not so much as an eyebrow flick towards swapping shifts with you? I'd make a note of who all told me that regarding their characters.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I think a big part of the problem is that I don't have family who is in the healthcare field. A lot of times, they just don't "get it".

They may not "get it," but after you explained it to them, they should have changed their plans. Not because they got it, but out of consideration for you. I had to make a special point of educating my family about night shifts -- they "got it" after a couple of 2 AM phone calls "just to chat." Working weekends isn't much different.

[Loveyourkidneys]

It's says a lot about your work ethic which your coworkers appreciate.

[klone, MSN, RN]

Oh, reading threads like these make me appreciate that my husband and I live thousands of miles away from our immediate families!

[canigraduate]

I have never called out for family events. I have used PTO when they have been scheduled far enough in advance.

Frankly, I would start calling your family members on a Monday and asking them to take off work the next day to go to the movies with you, or something equally lame, until they get the point that your workday is just as important as theirs. Maybe you can slyly suggest that the next family reunion be held on a Wednesday at 2 AM.

I had to tell a lot of my family that if they wanted to see me, they needed to give me six weeks notice, otherwise just don't invite me.

[Spangle Brown]

Why do you feel guilty? You did everything you could t prevent it.

Why should you call out, cause they decided to take a vacation when you were unavailable?? Did they feel guilty? Take responsibility? These things is what you should be focusing on.

I live in an an area where people LOVE to take vacation. People here have to deal with this issue. Family/friends taking vacation, and expect YOU to join in too. Take time off from work, visit all the parks with them. Go out to eat, etc. You know, spend your money during THEIR vacation. My MIL would take a villa on the other side of town and expect us to come over after work, every day. Even if that ment we would only get a couple hours sleep. Finaly we grew up and told her ONLY ONE THE WEEKENDS. Pick a day, we will be there. Invite us, maybe we will accept. Don't assume, we have a life too.

Time to grow up hun. Set boundries. Don't feel guilty for someone elses actions. You told them you were working. After that, it is about control. Their control over you. Nothing will change unless you speak up. Next time, tell them you would have spent time if they had came when you were off. But since they CHOSE to come when you were working, it must mean they really did not want to spend time with you. Put the guilt where it belongs.

[LTCNS, LPN]

No. I would not have called off. As others said, would they risk their livelihoods to attend a family event because they felt guilty? I highly doubt it. Would they pay your bills after you were canned for calling out? I highly doubt that too. They should be ashamed of themselves for making you feel bad about doing the responsible thing. I wish more people had your work ethic.

Fortunately my family has always been understanding and have actually made plans around my schedule when I was doing shift work. For example, if I had to work Christmas day but was off the day after, that's when we celebrated. Same with Thanksgiving and so forth. We are a close knit family and have always tried to plan around everyone's schedules.

[sissiesmama, ASN, RN]

Weird that several of your coworkers said they would have called out but wouldn't help you out.

That was my thought too - and it would have been my bad luck - one of the same co - workers who said they would have called in would have been in my manager's office ratting me out.

U definetly did the right thing, OP!

Anne, RNC

[RyanCarolinaBoy, ADN, BSN, MSN]

Posts like this make me glad that my wife and I live hundreds of miles from family. Used to be, they would call and drop by unannounced to our house, regardless of our work schedules. It was rude and inconsiderate. Then we up and moved across country. I do not listen to the guilt trips. We plan our vacations when and where we choose. No more of that family guilt crap. We are all adults here. They need to grow up and realize that you have a professional career with obligations.

[vampiregirl, BSN, RN]

I agree with the previous posters - it's tough when you'd rather be somewhere else but then there's the responsibility of being an adult. Off the record - there are so days when if I had a choice I'd rather not be an adult:)

There are legitimate reasons to call off - illness, true family emergency etc - it happens to all of us from time to time. But when people call of for reasons that aren't legitimate, it adds stress and lowers morale for co-workers. In some cases, it can also lead to a compromise in the quality of patient care.

I just wanted to add that this is a refreshing thread - lots of great responses that really reflect the professionalism of the nursing field:)

[Angeljho, MSN, NP]

Weird that several of your coworkers said they would have called out but wouldn't help you out.

I just chalk it up to the culture of the facility. No one wants to switch (especially a weekend day) unless it benefits them, which is understandable. They actually PREFER for someone to call out so they can fly straight to management and put their name down on the volunteer list for overtime.