Would you have called out?

[Angeljho]

So, I'm in the hot seat with some family members.

I have family who traveled from the South for a planned family get-together/reunion. Of course, they chose a weekend that I work even though I told them ahead of time that I would be working. It's very hard to request a weekend off. After my request was denied (big surprise there), I tried to switch with someone and had no luck. My family then pressured me to call out and I didn't. First off, calling out after getting a denied request is a huge NO-NO. Today they're leaving and I feel so guilty; not to mention that they are furious with me. I feel guilty because I received advice from several of my co-workers and they said they would have called out for family they don't regularly spend time with.

Would you have called out?

[MatrixRn]

No I would not have called out either, especially after trying to get the time off. Maybe you can propose another family meet and present weekends that you are available.

[Wrench Party]

Luckily I've never suffered from this problem (my parents are easy to keep occupied, and my mother is also a nurse), but shame on your family for guilt tripping you! I wouldn't have called off either- it's also really hard to get coverage at my job, and it's just bad form to call off if you've requested the time off.

[Angeljho, MSN, NP]

I will definitely set some boundaries; there's some great ideas from here on how to do just that. I will also try to dedicate some time to visiting them on my next vacation.

[Morainey, BSN, RN]

I wouldn't have. If you had, everyone knew you were trying to get that specific day or weekend off and the only reason you did call out was for that.

Families can be tough. My in-laws have finally graciously accepted that we have limited time on holidays to see everyone before I have to rush off to work, but they still try the old guilt trip occaisonally. Your family shouldn't be trying to make you feel guilty, especially when they knew it was an inconvenient weekend for you from the get-go.

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

If there is something rare that comes up that you feel you have to attend on your chosen weekend, I would not ask for it off in advance since they can keep records of what dates you request. And don't bother to ask to switch unless you know for a fact that they will. If you can't get the day off by self scheduling in advance, simply call in sick..even act "sick" the day before. Just make sure your photos don't make it on social media.

Where I work this is normal routine when you really need a day off for something that can't be rescheduled (best friend/family wedding, reunion concert by The Who (kidding ...sort of, etc). So far no one has been let go. Just don't make it a habit. It should be rare. Whenever possible and a date can be switched, don't call in.

And for Gods sake don't tell co-workers your plans like some foolishly do. Someday it will come back to bite you.

I am embarrassed to be reading this advice from a professional nurse. I sure wouldn't sign off on a narcotic waste with this one or leave my lunch in the break-room refrigerator.

Back to you OP. I concur with many other posters that you did the right thing and have no reason to feel guilty. Your folks made their choice and suffered the consequences (missing out on seeing you). Maybe next time they will choose better.

With your many years of mental health nursing, what advice would you have for a patient in similar circumstances? Here's a phrase I am familiar with from personal experience, "Take my advice, I'm not using it"

[Julius Seizure]

Nope, would not have called out.

Would have been irritated with my family, though, for thinking my previous commitments were apparently not important.

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

I wouldn't have called out because you are setting yourself up. They will expect you to blow off work for them anytime they come to town. Bad precedent.

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

If there is something rare that comes up that you feel you have to attend on your chosen weekend, I would not ask for it off in advance since they can keep records of what dates you request. And don't bother to ask to switch unless you know for a fact that they will. If you can't get the day off by self scheduling in advance, simply call in sick..even act "sick" the day before. Just make sure your photos don't make it on social media.

Where I work this is normal routine when you really need a day off for something that can't be rescheduled (best friend/family wedding, reunion concert by The Who (kidding ...sort of, etc). So far no one has been let go. Just don't make it a habit. It should be rare. Whenever possible and a date can be switched, don't call in.

And for Gods sake don't tell co-workers your plans like some foolishly do. Someday it will come back to bite you.

I have worked places where nurses accumulated a couple hundred hours of PTO because you could never get a day off when you requested it. I have called in when I knew that I had something important going on. You can't exactly call out after you request a day off and get denied. And no I did not feel bad and you could still waste narcs with me without my stealing them. Or your lunch. Gimme a break.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

No. I would not have called out.

[RNperdiem, RN]

You are training your relatives, and they will get over it. If your name is accurate, I find that relatives cut men a lot more slack for missing family events, especially if work is the reason.

[Farawyn]

Calling out after asking for the day? Never.

I HAVE called out when not really sick, though. I probably call about about 2-3x a year, one of which I am legit sick for, one that I just need, mentally. For whatever reason. When I left my old job I left 200 sick hours (max allotted) on the table.

I SHOULD have used every last hour, but I couldn't screw my other nurses like that.

[NurseOnAMotorcycle, ASN, RN]

Just ask them this: "would you appreciate it if your nurse called in sick because they just didn't feel like taking care of you that day?"