My wife has a BSN, no longer nursing, she doesn't want to be in nursing, fine. But she refuses to look at other areas that she could use her degree in and she has 0% drive to find better employment, I think that she has no self confidence or something. She worked as a checker at Safeway for years and now upon our move to TN she applied and is going to work at Mcdonalds for $7 an hour.
I start LPN school on tuesday and am retired military and I work pt as a PCT at a local hospital. I make over $11 an hour with night diff, etc. That with my retirement is what we are living on. Meanwhile, my wife of 21 years thinks that Cable is a necessity, etc.
I'm so tired of having to try work and go to school, while my wife would rather work for $7 an hour instead of putting out some effort to find a decent paying job.
Ugh.
Tony in TN
Oh almost forgot, any ideas on what she could do with a BSN, no active license and can do attitude?? I'm thinking work at Mcdonalds :-)
I know a large number of nurses who completely burned out and now refuse to work in jobs that require active RN licenses. Your wife is lucky because her 4 yr degree (as opposed to an ADN) gives her more options. There are jobs in HR, government, or social services that she might feel confident in applying for. Some of them sound more enjoyable that the position at McDonald's.
This is probably a very sensitive topic for her. This type of conversation requires being honest about income vs expenses (the need to cut luxury items) WHILE listening to her fears. In turn she should be willing to hear you out.
If you value the marriage it's a good idea to make an attempt see both sides of the issue. When major issues arise in long-term unions they can rarely be understood by taking a surface look at the problem. The dynamics between couples who've been together for many years are often complex.
This could involve old resentments that need to be resolved, anger, depression, insecurity or even a health problem causing lethargy. The good news is that many couples are able to work these problems out as long both parties interested preserving the marriage. Best of luck.
office nurse/assistant(less pay than a BSN but less stress)
medical coder/transcriptionist
medical billing
I just have to wonder if she had such a bad experience that she is just totally turned off by the entire system.Has she ever talked about what she likes or doesn't like about healthcare or nursing?
Wow. I'd dump her in a heartbeat, and I'd expect my (hypothetical) wife to dump me like the underachiever I was if I were to do what she was doing. She apparently has no ambition to provide for your family, but she expects you to buy nice crap like cable for her. If she didn't like the nursing jobs that she had she should've found a different area of nursing, or at least found a job that isn't something more appropriate for students or high school dropouts than those with college educations.
Often, on this forum, we get posts from women asking for support because they're going through "non-nursing" types of problems. These women for the most part receive lots of support from the members here. I took the OPs post to be along those lines, except the OP is a male. I think unfortunately, that's why he is receiving some grief.
I don't think it's so unreasonable to expect the OPs wife to pony up and start pulling her weight, especially if she wants to live a certain lifestyle, with certain luxuries. I admit, I raised my eyebrows too at the prospect of someone having a degree in a decent paying field going to work at McDonalds. Could she be depressed? Yes. Could she be burnt out? Certainly. Could she be like my cousin's wife and just lazy and spoiled and only interested in gambling, playing on the computer and going shopping?That is a possibility.
I'd be a little upset if I were him also. In this day and age, I find it unreasonable for people to expect him to support his wife and work himself ragged, if she isn't going to try her best to keep them afloat as well.
The above suggestions (the ones that mention possible jobs) are great. Your wife may need help, but if she's been working at Safeway for several years it's not a new problem. Is the issue only coming to a head now? How long has her license been inactive? Teaching is a good idea if she's just burnt out on hospitals, as in many areas any bachelor's degree can get you in. You both know there are lower stress (and lower paying) nursing jobs out there - i.e. MD's office or clinic. She could work in a hospital in many non-nursing capacities and at least use her experience. If she's opposed to "responsibility," she should consider the restaurant industry - I've been in it (waiter/bartender) for several years, and I'll be taking a pay cut in my first year as an RN. Even hostesses can make >$10 an hour in most of the country - better than Mickey D's. Or she could work in the kitchen somewhere if she doesn't want to talk to people. Most of us women wouldn't tolerate this from our husband's, there's no reason whatsoever you should tolerate it from your wife. However, my husband and I would have had the big talk before he quit the last nursing job and started on at Safeway, not several years later - why did it take until now to address this?
What is so wrong about working at Safeway and McDonalds? Sounds like your wife has a great support system at home however. IMHO as always.
I will tell you what is wrong with that.
What is wrong, is that she has a degree that she needs to use to help pay for living expenses. Her husband is working very hard as a PCT and about to start LPN school and needs major support financially and emotionally for the family.
Would anyone like to be working super hard while their significant other can but does not want to?? I don't think so!
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
I do hope that the OP can find a solution to this dilemma. I am empathetic. I also think that a root cause analysis needs to be done with the both of them in therapy...if she is willing to go. If she is not, then, no one can force her, and also, no one can force the OP to remain in a situation where he may drown because of a person that doesn't take the initiative to get help. It doesn't matter to me, per se, that she works as a nurse, but she needs to discover WHY she is selling herself a bit short financially if she doesn't have to. Maybe she is afraid to actually try her hand in nursing, maybe an incident happened as a nurse that stays in her head, SOMETHING!! No matter how you slice it, it is difficult to watch an able-bodied person who is willing to work a menial position that has so much more to offer, and is also making demands to live above their means. If I were her spouse, I would be happy to hear that she is even looking into therapy and other options to earn more money. I feel for the OP...
Does it really matter? Who cares where a person works. Yeah, contract killing may raise a few eyebrows; however, it sounds like the said person is productive and maintaining steady employment. I fail to appreciate a problem with this scenario.
I agree that other concepts need to be explored that are most likely not appropriate for a public nursing forum.
I think Tony1970 is struggling financially and wants his wife to help him out,nothing wrong with that idea.Also he doesnt want his wife to waste the degree she has worked so hard for.It is understandable.I mean you want your partner to grow intellectually and support them in achieving their best potential.
Nothing is wrong with working in McDonalds but why waste all this time to go to school?
Tony you need to talk with wife.It sounds like she is going through depression and has low-self esteem issues.You wrote so little about her that it is hard to say what her problems are.
I think Tony1970 is struggling financially and wants his wife to help him out,nothing wrong with that idea.Also he doesnt want his wife to waste the degree she has worked so hard for.It is understandable.I mean you want your partner to grow intellectually and support them in achieving their best potential.
Nothing is wrong with working in McDonalds but why waste all this time to go to school?
Tony you need to talk with wife.It sounds like she is going through depression and has low-self esteem issues.You wrote so little about her that it is hard to say what her problems are.
Perhaps you are correct. However, let us look at the original question.
"My wife has a BSN, no longer nursing, she doesn't want to be in nursing, fine. But she refuses to look at other areas that she could use her degree in and she has 0% drive to find better employment, I think that she has no self confidence or something. She worked as a checker at Safeway for years and now upon our move to TN she applied and is going to work at Mcdonalds for $7 an hour.
I start LPN school on tuesday and am retired military and I work pt as a PCT at a local hospital. I make over $11 an hour with night diff, etc. That with my retirement is what we are living on. Meanwhile, my wife of 21 years thinks that Cable is a necessity, etc.
I'm so tired of having to try work and go to school, while my wife would rather work for $7 an hour instead of putting out some effort to find a decent paying job.
Ugh.
Tony in TN
Oh almost forgot, any ideas on what she could do with a BSN, no active license and can do attitude?? I'm thinking work at Mcdonalds :-)"
I want you to read the last statement. If the OP is so concerned, why make a sarcastic and frankly arrogant statement IMHO. This is disrespectful. Only after a few people called the OP out did we get the story of a lazy wife that needs to be pushed just to work minimum wage jobs. I am not sure I buy the story when I go back to the original post and see the last statement followed by a smile face symbol.
I hope you can understand why I am being critical of the OP at this point.
Perhaps you are correct. However, let us look at the original question.
"My wife has a BSN, no longer nursing, she doesn't want to be in nursing, fine. But she refuses to look at other areas that she could use her degree in and she has 0% drive to find better employment, I think that she has no self confidence or something. She worked as a checker at Safeway for years and now upon our move to TN she applied and is going to work at Mcdonalds for $7 an hour.
I start LPN school on tuesday and am retired military and I work pt as a PCT at a local hospital. I make over $11 an hour with night diff, etc. That with my retirement is what we are living on. Meanwhile, my wife of 21 years thinks that Cable is a necessity, etc.
I'm so tired of having to try work and go to school, while my wife would rather work for $7 an hour instead of putting out some effort to find a decent paying job.
Ugh.
Tony in TN
Oh almost forgot, any ideas on what she could do with a BSN, no active license and can do attitude?? I'm thinking work at Mcdonalds :-)"
I want you to read the last statement. If the OP is so concerned, why make a sarcastic and frankly arrogant statement IMHO. This is disrespectful. Only after a few people called the OP out did we get the story of a lazy wife that needs to be pushed just to work minimum wage jobs. I am not sure I buy the story when I go back to the original post and see the last statement followed by a smile face symbol.
I hope you can understand why I am being critical of the OP at this point.
I see nothing in the OPs post that is arrogant, just frustrated..you have a grown woman, who has the potential to contribute to her family, working at a job that is largely populated by kids, elderly people looking to make some extra cash, and the unskilled. I guess nothing inherently wrong with that, although I find it sad, but then she demands certain things in her lifestyle.
I get the feeling if the OP were female, most of this controversy wouldn't exist..Most people here would be calling for the lazy spouses head on a platter, if the roles were reversed.
Don't know if anyone mentioned it yet; but, it sounds like your wife has a fear of success and not a lack of drive. Maybe you just need to talk to her to see if this is the case and try to help her see she is a valuable peron to you no matter where she works.
Here's a couple of replies to some concerns expressed.
Working at Safeway (in WA state) wasn't an issue because it was "extra" money, never serious cash. The wife's never been willing to make good money, never been willing to try management. She's said that she just wants to go to work, do a little job and go home. She has rarely worked fulltime, but has alway expected to drive a brand new car, have a big house and cell phones, cable etc.
That was then, I had a good military career and good pay, I could afford to be gone on a ship for 6 months at a time working 20 hour days on deployment. When I retired I took a good paying job as a railroad operations manager, but traveled all the time and really didn't like it much. The family stayed in WA state while I traveled the country.
Fast forward to today, I work at a low paying job, breaking my back working part time with some full time weeks, while at the same time finishing my BA in History online and starting LPN school in a few days. I'm trying to increase my earning potential so that I don't have to keep working at low tech, low wage jobs until I die or have to move to an area that I don't want, just to get a job. East TN is the low wage capital, even for nurses.
I've been working for 20 years off and on to complete my bachelor degree and I've struggled financially to do it, I've paid for classes out of my pocket and then not been able to complete them due to having to work, etc. So when a person, any person, that has a degree refuses to use that degree for ANY job, it's frustrating. I'd kill to have my degree done.
As to the wife working at Mcdonalds now that we are in TN, it's totally unacceptable, but at least she's going to work, she's not started, next week I think. It's 7:44am she's still laying in the bed, she will remain in the same position until at least 8:30am.
I'm in here pouring out my soul to a group of people that I don't know, and most of whom have been a touch cranky to boot. And to those that are decrying posting on a public forum, do I know you? Do you know me or the wife, will you or her ever "talk" and be embarrassed at the expose? NO, do you think that "perhaps" I'd need to talk to someone, even a group of unsympathetic care givers:rolleyes: or that a "real man" might be embarrassed to have to admit to "real people" that he's trying to further his potential (to better pay for family needs) and just needs a little help in doing so, until at least graduation and that he's not in a fully functional family situation.
I didn't plan on replying to this thread as I just wanted to get some ideas of where to point the wife to look for employment ideas, of course it won't help her to want to take on any responsibility or seek better employment. I really didn't want either confrontations or a "Dr Phil" moment either. Humor has a small voice online, some of what I typed I said smiling, but reads like I'm mad (horrors of online forum :-) )
I just replied because a) I can't stay off the computer and b) to say thank you for those with helpful ideas and sorry for whatever I did to the people that hate me or my words. Well actually I was a smartalec with some people, so a match to a tinderbox we met:argue:
Thanks again for letting me vent, not much left to say, I need to get off my lazy butt and finish the 6 written assignments that I' behind on for chinese history and african history before tuesday:eek:
Tony
p.s. I worked on the the units yesterday (SICU, MICU, IMU) and it was great, I got to work with several different male and female nurses, helping with a variety of patients, true my main job was to help them bath and turn, but I got to insert a foley (previously went to class, just did my hand on), dc a IV, etc I learned alot and it was a break from the endless rounds of vital that I take on the cardiac floor I normally work on.
nurse15dc
91 Posts
Tony1970,
I know a large number of nurses who completely burned out and now refuse to work in jobs that require active RN licenses. Your wife is lucky because her 4 yr degree (as opposed to an ADN) gives her more options. There are jobs in HR, government, or social services that she might feel confident in applying for. Some of them sound more enjoyable that the position at McDonald's.
This is probably a very sensitive topic for her. This type of conversation requires being honest about income vs expenses (the need to cut luxury items) WHILE listening to her fears. In turn she should be willing to hear you out.
If you value the marriage it's a good idea to make an attempt see both sides of the issue. When major issues arise in long-term unions they can rarely be understood by taking a surface look at the problem. The dynamics between couples who've been together for many years are often complex.
This could involve old resentments that need to be resolved, anger, depression, insecurity or even a health problem causing lethargy. The good news is that many couples are able to work these problems out as long both parties interested preserving the marriage. Best of luck.