My wife has a BSN, no longer nursing, she doesn't want to be in nursing, fine. But she refuses to look at other areas that she could use her degree in and she has 0% drive to find better employment, I think that she has no self confidence or something. She worked as a checker at Safeway for years and now upon our move to TN she applied and is going to work at Mcdonalds for $7 an hour.
I start LPN school on tuesday and am retired military and I work pt as a PCT at a local hospital. I make over $11 an hour with night diff, etc. That with my retirement is what we are living on. Meanwhile, my wife of 21 years thinks that Cable is a necessity, etc.
I'm so tired of having to try work and go to school, while my wife would rather work for $7 an hour instead of putting out some effort to find a decent paying job.
Ugh.
Tony in TN
Oh almost forgot, any ideas on what she could do with a BSN, no active license and can do attitude?? I'm thinking work at Mcdonalds :-)
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
Truth is we all know there isn't any point in trying to find things to make her change so I have suggestions for you. I hope that you take it in the good spirit that I intend. Why won't you to consider:
a. Get a better paying job? Personally I think working as a tech while in nursing school is over-rated due to the horrible pay and back breaking work. The experience is helpful for basic skills but the truth is many people will graduate with their BSN without ever having worked on the floor.
b. Consider putting off your BS in History for a bit longer. I know its not ideal but it sounds like this degree is costing you money and time that you don't have right now.
I hope you continue to read this and keep replying. One of the best parts of an open forum is that if you put something out there you will get all kinds of replies. The ones that bother me the most are the ones I read a second time to figure out why. OPs that are only written for vent purposes looking for cyber hugs are pretty useless imo. :)
I agree with the ideal that working as a tech/CNA can be overrated. I do think that it helps with exposure to aspects of nursing, however, I have seen just as many successful, dedicated and organized nurses that didn't have a drop of experience under their belts. In addition, the work can be so backbreaking that one can really be too tired to study. On the other hand, working as a tech may be one of the few positions that can be flexible enough to accomodate a vigorous nursing school schedule...they can work nights, weekends, double shifts, etc...
And, yeah, put of the History Degree for now...it will be a year and can be placed on the back burner for now.
i am so glad you are coming into the nursing field ...this is the best way for you to find out why your wife may not want to work as a bsn, and she should be able to teach emt's and lpn classes if she gets her license renewed,as well as cna's...i can think of a million reasons she might not want to work as a nurse...i have been a nurse for 23 years...i have had urinals thrown at me,been spit upon,been yelled at by doctors when i called them to let them know their patients were going south,have worked with one other nurse,with 35 patients when someone was sick and no one could be found to come in,have been trapped overnight at the hospital for 3 days when i came in during a blizzard and others didn't, and I LOVE NURSING...i like people being their irritable angry little selves...but it's not for everyone...wait till you are alone with the body of an 8 year old girl whose organs have just been harvested...finishing up as they say...or have someone vomit blood all over you and then find out they are HIV positive when you are 6 mos pregnant,(although i guess this won't be you because you are male) and then realize after all its not about you,but them because you are there to care for them...i hope you like being a nurse but i can certainly see where working at Safeway would have its appeal
Woo Hoo badhat6, after reading your post, I'm just a wee bit afraid of actually landing a job :chuckle.
To the OP, I'm in a relationship where I'm referred to at 'Sarg' and I don't find that disrespectful in the least. 'The wife' does not offend me either. I do have to honestly say that my relationship stinks! I'd like to say its all him (and much of it is- he's bipolar, recently dx), but I add to it somehow. I understand the frustration of living for years with someone and waking up one day and wondering what, when, why, and how did I lose myself and decide that the way I'm living is ok. Yet, I'm still here and just beginning to decide what to do about it. I have decided that I need to focus on me and my children right now. I need to finish ns and then I can make it on my own. Maybe you should focus on you and doing what you need to do to make it through ns. I do like one of the posters suggestions of turning off whatever you pay for if you deem it unnecessary. I'm also going to begin counseling and I could care less if he comes or not.
Just wondering why your getting a history degree? Are you planning on using it to go into grad school?
I think this is a great place to come for support. You may not find it from everyone, but most of us care. Until we walk a mile in someone elses' shoes, we shouldn't judge; but that's pretty hard for us mere mortals
I wish you lots of luck at scool and at home:redbeathe
Why are you in school trying to get a degree in history? I hope you talk things out with "the wife". She might have some opinions about your career path as well.
Spending all this time on a history degree that won't pay off unless you get an MS and teach history. Also please look out the job availability and income potential of LPN's. When you finally do graduate with a BA in history and an LPN, your skills may not be able to earn a high income.
IMO, Your :down:attitude here and toward the wife...As well as and your OWN unambitious educational choice (see posts on low pay and lack of jobs choices from LPN's here).....Might be be contributing to "the wife's" (seemingly) passive aggressive decision to chose a low-level job.
Lots of great advice, as to counseling, I don't know, I guess I just don't care enough for "the wife" to worry about counseling. We're basically in the marriage still because we have kids at home and it's easier to stay married than it is to go through the trauma of divorce. I've given her the dear jane letter a few times, but have always taken her back. We don't have anything in common, other than kids, but I reckon that's enough, or at least it has been. I'm pretty weary of the whole situation, I just want to jump in my car and leave, but can't do that, now can I :-)
As to my History degree, I've been working on this thing for 20 years (off and on ) while on active duty military and I'd like to finish it. Besides having a Bachelors (in anything) opens alot of doors, many jobs use the BA as a screener of applicants. Besides I'm only 3 classes shy, it'd be stupid not to finish that.
As to the LPN diploma, I started classes last week, boy oh boy how different things are in the girls club :-0 We have 2 instructors, one seems to keep going on and on about the male anatomy and making comments in front of the class that would get a male instructor fired or sued in a new york minute. That's just the way it is, just like the situation with this thread, reactions on a woman dominated website is a world away from what one would consider normal reactions if talking to males, but that's ok, if men and women acted and thought the same, it'd be pretty weird.
Anywho, thanks everyone, but the counseling is not gonna happen and neither is the wife going to find a good job. She didn't practice nursing very long, so I don't see her getting burned out. She's a foreign student grad (PI), practiced there awhile, but only worked in the US as a Nurse Tech (grad nurse) while she unsuccessfully tried to pass the Nurse exam in CA. I don't really care if she works as a nurse or at a retail store, as long as she applies herself and tries to work at her educational level. Why work entry level student type jobs when she has a Bachelors degree, that could be used to get into doors that I'm currently shut out of.
As to working as a PCT/CNA, the hours are flexible, it keeps me current with employment in the health care field and it' keeps me around what I'm studying to do. Though it is back breaking work, I could not find a local job that is as flexible and that pays decently (for TN).
Hopefully I'll finish my History degree and my LPN, this gives me 2 ways to get my BSN, a LPN-BSN bridge or a BSN through a second bachelor degree program (18 months to BSN for holders of non nursing Bachelor degrees).
Thanks Nurses, hope to see you on the floor soon (as an LPN, not just a PCT). I leave you with a got to love it story, a few weeks ago, a fella, not really in charge of all of his facilities, was standing on the scales for his daily weight check and commenced peeing out the front and crapping out the back. What was I supposed to do? Using my gloved hands, I pointed the pointy part away from me and caught the droppings with my other gloved hand. All I could do was laugh later and say to myself, "they don't pay me enough for this crap"....Ya gotta love it, or it'll drive ya mad
You've really shared a lot here. It is easier to see where you are coming from and easier to see where your wife is coming from.
You sound like you have really given your situation a lot of thought. I know you don't like the idea of family counseling, but what about just some personal counseling to help you look at your own options? Your school might have a counseling service, or your health care provider might have suggestions. Just talking to someone objective who really listens might help.
Being personally willing to receive outside help can sensitize us to how hard it is for our patients to accept help in similar circumstances. It might make you a better nurse in the long run.
Boy, that was extremely honest! I like it. Many of us are in the same dead end relationships but continue trudging along. Your not alone and sounds as if you've gotten over 'it' a long time ago. Best of luck to you.
Specializes in ED, Cardiac Medicine, Retail Health.
Tony
Hope things work out with you and your wife. The situation must be frustrating for the both of you. She may feel as if you are trying to change or not accept her, and you feel you wife is underachieving at your expense. You may be in a no win situation financially though. If you divorce her, she walks away with half of your retirement for the rest of her life, if you stay, the drama continues. Please don't make any hasty decisions. Try like hell to make things work and try to gain an understanding from your wife as to why it appears she wants to underachieve. If divorce is eminent, remember it costs to be free. So count the cost before you make a move. Since you stated counseling wont happen, do you have a plan to deal with this situation? Good luck in nursing school and try to remain upbeat.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
IMO, Your :down:attitude here and toward the wife...As well as and your OWN unambitious educational choice (see posts on low pay and lack of jobs choices from LPN's here).....Might be be contributing to "the wife's" (seemingly) passive aggressive decision to chose a low-level job.
I wouldn't call the OP's educational choices unambitious. In fact, I see the opposite. It seems as if he has plenty of ambition to strive for better things in life.
His pursuit of a BA degree in history is very ambitious because only 27 percent of the American adult population has attained a bachelor's degree or higher. The overwhelming majority of people in the US simply do not attain any kind of postsecondary schooling. Pursuing an LPN license is also ambitious when one takes the time to look at the vast number of Americans who have absolutely no education beyond high school.
I think the OP is ambitious. I also feel he has the right to ask about his wife's options in the workforce regarding what she can do with her BSN degree.
Good luck to you Tony, I hope things get better for you. Thanks for sharing more details, I can see how you feel trapped, it's hard when you have kids to just walk away from an unhealthy situation.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I think the remark about the OP's "unambitious education choice" very inappropriate and insulting, both to him and to others with similar education and training. And, I agree with Roy's impression. The OP just wants his wife to be willing to work for the lifestyle she likes to keep. I see nothing at all wrong with expecting that. She has a degree and could/should use it or be willing to personally sacrifice the luxuries in order not to. That is how I see it.
I wish you the best, OP and thank you for your service to our country. By the way, this may be a mainly "female" site, but I believe I understand what you are trying to say-----and I am female and a veteran myself. I really do wish you well; you sound like you are just trying to do your best. You also sound VERY ambitious and hard-working to me.
I've followed this thread with interest since the first post. I really feel for the OP and I'm sorry he finds himself at this point after a lifetime of work. I've worked since I was 14, almost 40 years without a break. I feel your pain.
In my nursing career I've worked with dozens of women like his wife. If I had a dollar for everyone who said they: "just want to stay at home!" "I'd rather be scrapbooking!" etc. I'd be pretty wealthy. It is obvious to me that success in nursing school does not equal liking getting up out of bed to go to work as a nurse.
My husband has a career in a very low paid field. I've always been primary earner. We live low on the foodchain so that we could be secure on what we make. If he/I wanted something special, we got a second job to pay for it. That means test also kept us from getting stuff on impulse, like sea kayaks....
There have been sacrifices. But we are happy. OP, you just sound miserable. I'm not sure you can unravel this. I have a BSN and have a very non-traditional job but it took a lot of work and motivation to find it. All those public health/community health BSN jobs require some 'oomph' in your personality. No one is handing them out to low motivation, license-less people.
I'd cancel the cable. Any of the frivolities. Your wife needs to feel the impact of her choices. You have my best wishes.
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pagandeva2000, LPN
7,984 Posts
I agree with the ideal that working as a tech/CNA can be overrated. I do think that it helps with exposure to aspects of nursing, however, I have seen just as many successful, dedicated and organized nurses that didn't have a drop of experience under their belts. In addition, the work can be so backbreaking that one can really be too tired to study. On the other hand, working as a tech may be one of the few positions that can be flexible enough to accomodate a vigorous nursing school schedule...they can work nights, weekends, double shifts, etc...
And, yeah, put of the History Degree for now...it will be a year and can be placed on the back burner for now.