Wife with BSN with NO drive, what to do??

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Specializes in Rheumatology/Emergency Medicine.

My wife has a BSN, no longer nursing, she doesn't want to be in nursing, fine. But she refuses to look at other areas that she could use her degree in and she has 0% drive to find better employment, I think that she has no self confidence or something. She worked as a checker at Safeway for years and now upon our move to TN she applied and is going to work at Mcdonalds for $7 an hour.

I start LPN school on tuesday and am retired military and I work pt as a PCT at a local hospital. I make over $11 an hour with night diff, etc. That with my retirement is what we are living on. Meanwhile, my wife of 21 years thinks that Cable is a necessity, etc.

I'm so tired of having to try work and go to school, while my wife would rather work for $7 an hour instead of putting out some effort to find a decent paying job.

Ugh.

Tony in TN

Oh almost forgot, any ideas on what she could do with a BSN, no active license and can do attitude?? I'm thinking work at Mcdonalds :-)

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What is so wrong about working at Safeway and McDonalds? Sounds like your wife has a great support system at home however. IMHO as always.

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Specializes in RN, BSN, CHDN.

Maybe she just needs a job where it is not complecated and she can just be happy.

Maybe nursing has burned her out

maybe she just doesnt want to think too hard

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You should be confronting your wife about these problems, not allnurses.com . If I were your wife and I found out that you posted this, I would be devastated. Be a real man and support your wife, and maybe ask HER why she wants's to work at safeway.

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It sounds to me like you two may have issues which can't fully be addressed on a forum like this. How about counseling?

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Does it really matter? Who cares where a person works. Yeah, contract killing may raise a few eyebrows; however, it sounds like the said person is productive and maintaining steady employment. I fail to appreciate a problem with this scenario.

I agree that other concepts need to be explored that are most likely not appropriate for a public nursing forum.

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

It sounds like you need to look into counseling for you and your wife. I doubt that strangers on an internet forum can solve your marriage problems. Good luck!

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Lookit, you don't know me from Adam, and you and your wife have been married for 21 years- I don't propose to "know" anything here, but you posted, so here goes:

I would echo other posts: sounds like there's way more going on than a spouse's lack of a better-paying job and a poor attitude. Could the issue be your perception /judgment? It may or may not be true that she has "no drive" and should (or even could) get a better paying job: these are judgment calls.

Your wife could be having issues with depression, it could be the stress/anxiety of your recent move (which can be huge) with separation from family and friends and having to make new friends...

If she has a lack of drive, a withdrawal, is it a response to something (that you might not see)?

You say you work nights, at least part-time- does she see enough of you? If not, and she doesn't know many people where you've moved, she could be miserable. Do you spend time together, hang out, have fun? Does her job / hours allow her to see you more? It sounds like right now, you put high value on her making more money- maybe she values other things in a job (or her schedule) more than how well it pays financially: maybe she puts more value on you two spending time together, or some other part of her life.

Also, do you two have kids, and/or does she do most/all of the housework? If either is true, she already has a F/T job.

It sounds like you're frustrated and worried about your family situation for both of you. I am not saying you don't already, but you've GOT to come at the discussion from a place of love and support- if she's wrestling with depression or insecurity or something similar, coming at her hard, critically, will only deepen the hole, if she's in one.

Counseling sounds like a good move- but don't just focus on "the problem" as you see it- pull the frame out two clicks: discuss what you've each been feeling/ going through in general, what you each want and need, and what you both see as "problems" (and strengths), and why- she might have a whole different slant on your entire situation- including being perfectly happy with the way things are.

And, natch, that would be where compromise (based in love) begins.

80% (or more) of communication is listening, and listening well is not easy. If she feels safe, loved and heard, it can only make things better.

I wish you and your wife well, brother.

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Specializes in ER/Trauma.
Does it really matter? Who cares where a person works. Yeah, contract killing may raise a few eyebrows; however, it sounds like the said person is productive and maintaining steady employment. I fail to appreciate a problem with this scenario.
When I read his post, it struck me that he's more bothered by the fact that his wife wants to have a certain standard of living (Cable) but doesn't seem to want to work for it. *shrug*

I agree with almost everyone else though - he needs to talk to his wife and at best needs counseling. Fail to see any good we'd accomplish since we're not privy to personal details etc.

cheers,

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OH! And if you believe in G-d, PRAY- each alone, and together.

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I think that where his wife chooses to work does matter. If he had a good paying job and wasn't in school it wouldn't be a big deal but the guy is struggling to make it on $11/hr. That isn't a decent wage for almost any area of the country.

If a woman posted that her spouse was capable of making a decent living but would rather work for $7/hr while she slaved away we would be screaming at her to dump the looser and seek counseling.

Maybe she is suffering from some sort of depression but if she isn't then she needs to do better.

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She has a college degree--nothing wrong with Mcdonalds or Safeway--IF she is management or administrative. I presume he helped support her when she was in nursing school however long ago--she should be more helpful to him. Sure, maybe he needs to work on his marriage, and sure maybe his wife is depressed/low self-worth. But really, poor guy is trying to better himself and she isn't being supportive. My little brother makes more money than her and he is in high school. Maybe they don't need cable so she can:icon_hug: rejoin the world.

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