My wife has a BSN, no longer nursing, she doesn't want to be in nursing, fine. But she refuses to look at other areas that she could use her degree in and she has 0% drive to find better employment, I think that she has no self confidence or something. She worked as a checker at Safeway for years and now upon our move to TN she applied and is going to work at Mcdonalds for $7 an hour.
I start LPN school on tuesday and am retired military and I work pt as a PCT at a local hospital. I make over $11 an hour with night diff, etc. That with my retirement is what we are living on. Meanwhile, my wife of 21 years thinks that Cable is a necessity, etc.
I'm so tired of having to try work and go to school, while my wife would rather work for $7 an hour instead of putting out some effort to find a decent paying job.
Ugh.
Tony in TN
Oh almost forgot, any ideas on what she could do with a BSN, no active license and can do attitude?? I'm thinking work at Mcdonalds :-)
Hmm...she won't work a decent job while she's able to and demands luxuries like cable television? Maybe she can be a good legal nurse for the divorce attorney you utilize.....
What I don't get is why everyone is being so mean to him. He is asking for anonymous help--you guys are acting like you are friends with his wife! He has a legitimate issue. She has a college degree--nothing wrong with Mcdonalds or Safeway--IF she is management or administrative. I presume he helped support her when she was in nursing school however long ago--she should be more helpful to him. Sure, maybe he needs to work on his marriage, and sure maybe his wife is depressed/low self-worth. But really, poor guy is trying to better himself and she isn't being supportive. My little brother makes more money than her and he is in high school. Maybe they don't need cable so she can:icon_hug: rejoin the world. This forum is about supporting each other...
An actual reply that isn't so catty,
Anyway, the question was actually, any ideas of where a woman with a BSN could hope to find work.
As to where my wife works, the problem is that I've supported this woman over 20 years and now I need to focus on school and , I get little help. So I'm still having to work and go to school (in addition to my retirement) and can't get her to cut out every possible expense OR find a decent paying job. She's not worked in months and when I pushed the issue, she goes and gets a job at Mcdonalds, and unless you are a grey haired retiree or a teen, fast food is a loser job, don't care what anyone says....I've worked there, as a teen.
As to counseling, could be helpful but that's not the question I needed help with, need a wife a little more self motivated.
I'm identifying with the poster as opposed to the wife a bit. Definitely he needs to bring this issue to her and there is probably something more going on (why would anyone go through nursing school and the NCLEX if they didn't want to work as a nurse at all?), but I was practically ready to leave my SO over refusal to take a better job over being a cashier with 12 hours pay a week, because it'd be "too much work" when he wanted to maintain a high standard of living because I "make plenty for us to be happy with." It can be a really stressful to be thrust into the breadwinner role only because the other person "don't wanna."
On the other hand, I've been tempted to quit my job and join my friend at her pet store because some shifts are so frustrating you wonder why you ever got into this profession. I work with a nurse right now who dropped nursing for a year after her degree because she hated her first job so much. Your wife may've had a lot of experiences like that. I can't completely blame someone for not being in nursing when it can be insane.
To the OP: Proceed delicately, state your feelings and your struggles without direct blame. Try to focus on that for you, you know she's capable of higher earning work that McDonalds and is there something holding her back? If she's adamant that McDonalds is where she'll be happy and nowhere else, if she won't consider counseling or anything to change the status qou - are you going to happy? If you finish LPN school and are then making more, are you still going to be happy? And is the alternative (ie, not being with her?) worth the unhappiness that will cause for more financial stability? Don't assume tomorrow she's going to apply for the ICU.
When I read his post, it struck me that he's more bothered by the fact that his wife wants to have a certain standard of living (Cable) but doesn't seem to want to work for it. *shrug*
Well yeah, and that is pretty incongruent with the reality of their lives! Until he graduates and they re-negotiate their situation especially since she is capable I think she needs to find a decent paying job.
I work my butt off and live simply so I don't have to worry about money either now or when DH and I retire. Maybe its just me but having a partner that is willing to pitch in and do whatever is necessary for our family to function smoothly is very important but then again I made sure I married a person that was in agreement with me on that.
No advice just giving the guy a nod that I would be upset also.
She is working WAY below her earning potential and complains that you don't have enough luxuries, which apparently you are expected to provide.
Now, you're in school about to greatly increase your own earning potential, while she continues to work for minimum wage?
Sounds like you're setting yourself up for a looooooooooong road of supporting her while she does what she wants, or you're increasing the divorce settlement she'll get when you've finally had enough.
You have to do what's right for you, but personally I'd eject while I was still broke and there was less to lose (although she'll probably get her hands on some of your pension since you're ex-military). With an LPN salary and your pension, a man could have a nice life as a single guy.
Honestly, I feel for the OP. Several months ago I was about ready to leave my SO when he turned down a better paying, more gainful job over his (12-hour a week) cashier job because it'd be "too much work" when I "made enough for both of us to be happy." I was so angry at having worked so hard for my degree and working so hard currently at my new career while I felt like he got to enjoy all the benefits. It can be really damaging to a relationship, I feel, when one partner doesn't want to work to their potential because of "I don't wanna" - it'd different, I felt, if both of us had a high drive or low drive, but when it is uneven it causes a lot of strain.
(We're still together, I talked to him but did say I'd thought about leaving because I was so miserably unhappy about the situation. He found another job and started taking over more responsibilities)
Are there not deeper issues at work in this scenario? Probably, I work with a nurse who hated her first job so much she left nursing for a year. There are days I long to run off and work with my friend at her pet store because this job can be so exhausting and ridiculous I start to wonder if it is worth the higher pay. But then, I'd probably find a different arena of nursing first, because I did get that degree and pass that NCLEX for a reason, instead of getting my degree in another field.
To the OP: Talk to her. Lots. Don't need to be confrontational, but state that you're not happy with how things are right now and try to explore things together to change it. If she's not willing to budge, consider what you're next step is. But generally, if she loves you, she'd be willing to try something. Good luck.
Here is an actual helpful suggestion. Your wife could work for an insurance company and possibly work from home. BlueCrossBlueShield hires a lot. Many nurses do this. Since she has a BSN, she could get any kind of job that requires a general bachelor's degree. She could teach. She could work in human resources at a hospital or become a nurse recruiter. She could handle nurse education for hospitals. She could also work in public health and do vaccinations. That isn't too stressful. Good luck.
No one can force her to get with the program and help the family out if she has no interest in doing it. I do think that couseling is a good idea because maybe she is depressed. Wishing you the best.
Here is an actual helpful suggestion. Your wife could work for an insurance company and possibly work from home. BlueCrossBlueShield hires a lot. Many nurses do this. Since she has a BSN, she could get any kind of job that requires a general bachelor's degree. She could teach. She could work in human resources at a hospital or become a nurse recruiter. She could handle nurse education for hospitals. She could also work in public health and do vaccinations. That isn't too stressful. Good luck.
Awesome! Thank you, I'll try some of these suggestions. I appreciate the help.
I think your wife might find working at McD's just as stressful. I have a friend who works there and she's exhausted, not to mention the demanding customers, weird hrs, and the fact that she can never make more than $8 an hr (thats actually in writing), unless your management. I hate to say it, but just try to be supportive and she might just bounce back. At least she has some $$ coming in. Maybe she would be interested in homecare/hospice? One on one, change of scenery, a bit more slower paced..... I wish you the best of luck in school and in your relationship. Sometimes, I need to stop worrying about my loved one and just do my own thing for awhile. Is she going through menapause by any chance? I'm pre and I seem pretty irrational at times (although I'm convinced its everyone else- he he)
Good Luck and remember to smile once in awhile . Can't help people that don't want it.
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. Can't help people that don't want it.
djc1981
208 Posts
Hmm...she won't work a decent job while she's able to and demands luxuries like cable television? Maybe she can be a good legal nurse for the divorce attorney you utilize.....