I have been reading these boards on and off for a few years but have recently joined. Most of the time, I enjoy the posts but some posters have become so ill tempered. They act as if they are superior and downright rude. What is the point? Why attack a nursing student who is posting in the correct area? Why talk down to them, as if they are small children? Or that their concerns are less important because they are new to all of this, and not experienced?
I've been reading posts about "experienced" nurses being attack by the new graduate, or the young nurses questioning people. While, these are all valid points and should be addressed, it is not only happening "out in the real world", it is alive and kicking on this board.
What happened to compassion? Aren't we as nurses and future nurses supposed to display care, compassion and understanding to people? Or have I completely missed the mark on what type of person a nurse should/could be?
If someone is having a horrible day and they are venting, why is it not OK for them to vent here, with people who understand????? I simply do not understand this. I also have no idea how anyone else feels, but I avoid posting most of the time because I do not need to deal with the people who live on their pedestals and look down at everyone else. (I am sure by me posting this I am opening a can of worms)
Shouldn't we as a community of individuals in a profession that is disposed toward empathy and compassion participate in likewise types of discussion?
Here's the problem We aren't merely a profession that is disposed to wards empathy and compassion.
And that's shocking to people that aren't nurses yet.
That's the big reason the whole NETY thing gets perpetuated.
If you were at a message board for any other profession, would you EXPECT everyone to be sweet and wonderful?
If you went to work with a bunch of cops or firefighters, would you expect them to be sweet and wonderful every second of the day? But nurses are supposed to be?
We're NOT nuns. Perhaps you could expect that allnuns dot come or if you went to a convent. (Not sure though, they may have the same problem.)
There are a lot of people in the nursing profession. There are a lot personalities. Expectations need to be adjusted.
At no point is anyone asking for sweet and wonderful. Professional, helpful and positive are words that would come to mind If I make a post looking for assistance, especially since the posters are not compelled by any means to respond. Tact. Discretion.
As elprup pointed out there are 590k + people using the site. No need for people to feel burdoned to provide blunt and in-your-face responses.... there are 589,999 other people around that could answer a query if one is so off-put by having to deal with the repetitiveness of new people or opinions they don't like.
Anyway, not really trying to argue here, the whole negativity thing is just a bummer, regardless of any circumstance that could be used to try to excuse or explain it.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
I think I'd rather be bludgeoned with matter-of-factness than given a little pinch to the cheek and a spray of unicorms and rainbows if I had to choose now. Would I have wanted that at age 19? Probably not, but I didn't know very much then, and that is the crux of the matter. You can certainly discount the importance of experience if you don't like the delivery, just realize you can't then go look up experience in a book. I wish there had been an allnurses years ago. I think maybe the old bats of my day may have been much more rude than I see here as we are constantly reminded how delicate people's feelings are and how we're crushing their dreams.
There have been a few times when I have been very matter of fact. Honestly some people post/start some ridiculous threads and I guess I like to feed the trolls. I have to say that I think I censor my comments that I post. I definitely would never write anything I wouldn't say to someone's face and it is less censored.
Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
I think our definitions of "compassion" may differ from person to person. I find it most compassionate to give truth and logic. If the poster is someone wanting false reassurances or hand patting my approach probably comes across as harsh or rude to them. A lack of emotion or judgement one way or another is so often interpreted as being a negative response, which is unfortunate. I actually find that particular approach very effective in my nursing practice as it allows the patient to decide what is right for themselves, which I then respect and help them move forward with what they determined as the right path. I use the same approach here. I don't dole out sunshine and rainbows while giving bad news or even indifferent news. That is insulting to all involved. I also don't couch reality in prettiness.
A couple of examples:
The job market in Texas sucks. I'm not going to make that sound pretty to make someone feel better about the move they are wanting to make because they think the job market here is awesome, usually based on something they heard from someone that person heard etc. That wouldn't be very nice, would it? If they choose to come to Texas, they should do it knowing the job market sucks so they can have plan A, B and C in place if/when they can't find work.
My experience as a person and as a nurse has been that when you make something look too pretty with kernels of truth blended in, the person seizes on the pretty and ignores the truth.
I had a young patient die this week. Their family was prepared to go home on hospice and enacted an out-of-hospital DNR but wanted to remain full code in the hospital. The patient was actively dying and unlikely to make it home or even make it through the night. The family believed coding the patient would allow the patient to come home after we just did a few chest compressions, pushed a couple of drugs and efficiently brought them back. It took very blunt language to get them to understand that a code would make it so not only would the patient NOT get to go home and have a peaceful death, but that best case scenario the patient would wind up with broken ribs, in the ICU, on a ventilator with no more hope for home, peace or life than the patient had now and that the family would then be left with the decision of discontinuing ventilation...and worst case scenario, that codes have less than 8% make it once compressions are started and the patient would die in pain and chaos. This was NOT the death they were hoping for. The whole situation sucked. Making it pretty didn't work though....they heard what they wanted to hear. It took matter-of-fact truth before they could see truthfully so they could make decisions that later on they could live with.
Perhaps to some that is rude. I see that as the ultimate in compassion. Being willing to look someone in the eye and tell them exactly what they don't want to but do NEED to hear and then help them move on - THAT is the essence of compassion. It isn't fun. But it is part of nursing. And trust me, in that moment, no amount of hand patting makes it better.
A lack of emotion doesn't equate to negativity except in the mind of the person reading and filling in the lack of emotion with something negative, usually because the poster wasn't looking for honesty, they were looking for something pretty and passive-aggressively expected it without asking for it. In threads where someone is honest about looking for support, I post support if I have it to offer from an honest place. In threads asking questions, I answer them truthfully and without emotion. Am I rude? I don't think so.
I have been reading these boards on and off for a few years but have recently joined. Most of the time, I enjoy the posts but some posters have become so ill tempered. They act as if they are superior and downright rude. What is the point? Why attack a nursing student who is posting in the correct area? Why talk down to them, as if they are small children? Or that their concerns are less important because they are new to all of this, and not experienced?
I've been reading posts about "experienced" nurses being attack by the new graduate, or the young nurses questioning people. While, these are all valid points and should be addressed, it is not only happening "out in the real world", it is alive and kicking on this board.
What happened to compassion? Aren't we as nurses and future nurses supposed to display care, compassion and understanding to people? Or have I completely missed the mark on what type of person a nurse should/could be?
If someone is having a horrible day and they are venting, why is it not OK for them to vent here, with people who understand????? I simply do not understand this. I also have no idea how anyone else feels, but I avoid posting most of the time because I do not need to deal with the people who live on their pedestals and look down at everyone else. (I am sure by me posting this I am opening a can of worms)
it is like this at work too. It is the "i am the smartest nurse & i am the hardest working nurse" mentality. i like to just tell them: "you are obviously the smartest nurse & the hardest working nurse in THE UNIVERSE....could you lower yourself to my level & grace me with some advice for five minutes please?"
I think our definitions of "compassion" may differ from person to person. I find it most compassionate to give truth and logic. If the poster is someone wanting false reassurances or hand patting my approach probably comes across as harsh or rude to them. A lack of emotion or judgement one way or another is so often interpreted as being a negative response, which is unfortunate. I actually find that particular approach very effective in my nursing practice as it allows the patient to decide what is right for themselves, which I then respect and help them move forward with what they determined as the right path. I use the same approach here. I don't dole out sunshine and rainbows while giving bad news or even indifferent news. That is insulting to all involved. I also don't couch reality in prettiness.
A couple of examples:
The job market in Texas sucks. I'm not going to make that sound pretty to make someone feel better about the move they are wanting to make because they think the job market here is awesome, usually based on something they heard from someone that person heard etc. That wouldn't be very nice, would it? If they choose to come to Texas, they should do it knowing the job market sucks so they can have plan A, B and C in place if/when they can't find work.
My experience as a person and as a nurse has been that when you make something look too pretty with kernels of truth blended in, the person seizes on the pretty and ignores the truth.
I had a young patient die this week. Their family was prepared to go home on hospice and enacted an out-of-hospital DNR but wanted to remain full code in the hospital. The patient was actively dying and unlikely to make it home or even make it through the night. The family believed coding the patient would allow the patient to come home after we just did a few chest compressions, pushed a couple of drugs and efficiently brought them back. It took very blunt language to get them to understand that a code would make it so not only would the patient NOT get to go home and have a peaceful death, but that best case scenario the patient would wind up with broken ribs, in the ICU, on a ventilator with no more hope for home, peace or life than the patient had now and that the family would then be left with the decision of discontinuing ventilation...and worst case scenario, that codes have less than 8% make it once compressions are started and the patient would die in pain and chaos. This was NOT the death they were hoping for. The whole situation sucked. Making it pretty didn't work though....they heard what they wanted to hear. It took matter-of-fact truth before they could see truthfully so they could make decisions that later on they could live with.
Perhaps to some that is rude. I see that as the ultimate in compassion. Being willing to look someone in the eye and tell them exactly what they don't want to but do NEED to hear and then help them move on - THAT is the essence of compassion. It isn't fun. But it is part of nursing. And trust me, in that moment, no amount of hand patting makes it better.
A lack of emotion doesn't equate to negativity except in the mind of the person reading and filling in the lack of emotion with something negative, usually because the poster wasn't looking for honesty, they were looking for something pretty and passive-aggressively expected it without asking for it. In threads where someone is honest about looking for support, I post support if I have it to offer from an honest place. In threads asking questions, I answer them truthfully and without emotion. Am I rude? I don't think so.
I see your point and agree completely..but are you really going to compare someone asking a bit of advice on an internet board to that of young person losing his/her life??? Seems a bit extreme to me. I think someone can be polite when socializing online and know the difference of when its appropriate. At least I would hope so. I also don't think the op was referring to someone asking about jobs in Texas and being told that it isn't a great job market. My guess is there has been some other very rude, not people just being honest, rude posts on here. I personally don't get offended because I'm used to those type of responses and its an online community so I figure it's just all part of it but in my opinion since the op brought up the question-yes, I personally could do without the incredibly rude posts that serve no purpose but to be nasty.
Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
I was simply giving examples, because a lot of the people here, particularly in the student forums, seem to think that just being matter-of-fact equates to rudeness. I agree with you that there is a difference between outright rudeness that contributes nothing and just matter of fact responses that just don't happen to tell the OP what they want to hear. I've been jumped several times about the Texas example, told I am negative because I am honest about the job market. The DNR example is a real life example that is pertinent to nursing practice, which is the premise for allnurses.com and a basis for interactions when here. Of course I do not think DNR and this forum are anywhere near equal. Which honestly makes my point for me.
wooh, BSN, RN
1 Article; 4,383 Posts
Here's the problem We aren't merely a profession that is disposed to wards empathy and compassion.
And that's shocking to people that aren't nurses yet.
That's the big reason the whole NETY thing gets perpetuated.
If you were at a message board for any other profession, would you EXPECT everyone to be sweet and wonderful?
If you went to work with a bunch of cops or firefighters, would you expect them to be sweet and wonderful every second of the day? But nurses are supposed to be?
We're NOT nuns. Perhaps you could expect that allnuns dot come or if you went to a convent. (Not sure though, they may have the same problem.)
There are a lot of people in the nursing profession. There are a lot personalities. Expectations need to be adjusted.