When your ex or their mistress/lover is the patient?

xoemmylouox, ASN, RN · Dec 17, 2016

Yeah, your assignment should be changed without hesitation. If it wasn't I'd be looking for employment elsewhere, unless you were the ONLY nurse in the building.

Davey Do · Dec 17, 2016

I recently had a such a situation occur. Upon finding out, I immediately contacted the House Supervisor and traded assignments with another RN, on another unit, that shift.

Initially, the House Supervisor was ticked for, whatever reason, but I stood by my guns. This is a cartoon I made of the conversation at the time:

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I did not work my home unit again until the other person was discharged.

My coworkers were very understanding, especially when I stressed that I wanted to know nothing about the reason for admission or the hospital stay.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Dec 17, 2016

I would think the patient would also want a different nurse.

macawake, MSN · Dec 17, 2016

When your ex or their mistress/lover is the patient? Have any of you Nurses had this happen to you?

No, I haven't. If an ex-partner or his new partner was assigned to me I'd approach my manager and ask her/him to assign the patient to someone else. Unless I was the only available nurse within a hundred square miles, I'd expect my manager to honor my request. If I for some unfathomable reason didn't request a change of assignment, I would expect the manager to switch the assignments around if/as soon as it came to her/his attention that the patient and I shared some kind of personal history.

Imagine the relationship ended very badly (ex. your ex cheated/was a narcissist/abusive) and then he/she (or their mistress/ lover) is admitted to your unit and assigned to you...

I don't think that there necessarily has to be some sort of negative personal history between a nurse and her/his patient, for it to be a constellation that's best avoided. I wouldn't want to have my neighbor, my dentist or my kid's teacher as a patient either. To me it just has the potential to make leaving work at work more difficult. I like to have separation between my professional and private lives. (Now I realize that this might be more difficult if you live in a small town, but I don't).

Now, if some the shared history is bad, I think that makes it doubly inappropriate. I've never been in an abusive relationship but I see so many risks if that particular dynamic exists between a nurse and her/his patient. Depending on the individuals involved and exactly what has happened between the two of them in the past, the possibility exists that the patient doesn't get the appropriate care. It is also possible that the abuser continues the emotional/psychological abuse causing the nurse psychological harm, even from the hospital bed. If the nurse makes a mistake (for example a med error), there will be the added suspicion that it might have been intentional because of their shared history, even if it was an honest mistake. Being your abuser's nurse is just a terrible idea and should be avoided if at all possible.

If I remember correctly I have on three occasions asked to have my assignments switched when I realized that I know the patients in my private life. Two other instances involve situations where the patients were individuals whom I had previously placed under arrest, testified against and who were subsequently convicted based on my testimony. On neither of these five occasions, did my charge nurse or manager object. They thought it was the right thing to do.

EllaBella1, BSN · Dec 17, 2016

I've asked to switch my assignment when I've been assigned casual friends who I went to high school with out of respect for their privacy. You can bet your butt that I would be switching in a heartbeat if I had an ex assigned to me. I wouldn't necessarily ask to float out of the unit, I would just ask to be switched to the opposite side of the unit. I've had my assignment changed when other people needed to switch too.

allnurses Guide · Dec 17, 2016

Oh wow... in my experience, in a situation like that, the

assignment would be changed without question. Heck, when

I worked psych, I would have to go to a different UNIT, per

facility protocol.

NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Dec 17, 2016

I've always maintained employment at least an hour and a half away from the nearest local hospital to my home. If any of my exes show up as inpatients, it's nothing short of stalking.

elkpark · Dec 17, 2016

Anywhere I've evr worked, it was standard policy that one would not be assigned to work with anyone with whom one had an existing relationship (relatives, neighbors, etc.); there would be no question that, in the OP's scenario, the nurse would not be assigned, and might even be transferred to a different unit (in an inpatient setting) for the duration.

CaffeinePOQ4HPRN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Dec 17, 2016

I've always maintained employment at least an hour and a half away from the nearest local hospital to my home. If any of my exes show up as inpatients, it's nothing short of stalking.

Here's the thing about your strategy though... The college of nurses's registry is public. It is also readily accessible to anyone who wants to search for you. So, even if a nurse moved or changed their place of employment it wouldn't make a difference because we're still required to update this info. with the college... sick individuals would still be able to go online, type in a nurse's name, find out where you work and sadly misuse this information to make their stalking relatively effortless.

It just reminds me of incidents like these:

Slain Windsor nurse often harrassed by doctor, colleague testifies - Toronto - CBC News

Stalker left nurse so terrified she will not allow her children to have surnames on the back of their sports shirts

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Dec 17, 2016

Entirely depends on if the "then mistress/lover" knows who you are.

annabanana2 · Dec 17, 2016

As many others have said, I would request a change in assignment, more for their privacy and comfort than mine. It's an ethical concern.

Now if, like you mentioned, there were a person that looked up my workplace via a registry and used that information to stalk me, I would speak with my employer and I know that they would take steps to ensure my safety. That's not even a question. It actually did happen to another nurse that I work with. She changed work locations and our manager ensured that security at her new work location was adequate and informed of the situation. I would sincerely hope that other employers would do the same, but I know that that's not always likely given some of the stories I read on this site.