When your ex or their mistress/lover is the patient?

chacha82, ADN, BSN · Dec 18, 2016

Unlike ER/Grey's Anatomy/insert medical TV show here, most staff do not insist on putting themselves in inappropriate and dramatic situations. You tell the charge it's not an appropriate assignment because of a prior relationship, even if the patient doesn't know about you. If YOU know, then you have a duty to protect the patient from harm as you would in any other situation. Someone switches with you.

CaffeinePOQ4HPRN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Dec 19, 2016

Unlike ER/Grey's Anatomy/insert medical TV show here, most staff do not insist on putting themselves in inappropriate and dramatic situations. You tell the charge it's not an appropriate assignment because of a prior relationship, even if the patient doesn't know about you. If YOU know, then you have a duty to protect the patient from harm as you would in any other situation. Someone switches with you.

@chacha82 Your comments are not productive, nor do they make any sense given the context...

Where/when did I say I wanted any part of this assignment? If you've read through the thread, I already mentioned that I have been doing everything I can to distance myself/ put an end to the situation. I posted this asking if anyone had been placed in this position before, and/or how it was handled at their facility. I was told by a nursing colleague at my facility (who also works at another nearby clinic) that one of her coworkers at the clinic was going through a divorce a couple of years ago and would get unwelcome visits from their soon-to-be-ex... this ex would come to the clinic seeking unnecessary treatment for this/that. I doubt she chose that outcome, just like I didn't choose mine and I can't disclose details because they'd be identifying.

@chacha82 Your comments are crass...Especially to mock victims of abuse by insinuating they place themselves in these positions. That kind of victim blaming is akin to the convenient scapegoat, for example: that sexual assault victims were "asking for it" or "wore a short skirt" thus inviting "inappropriate and dramatic situations" into their life. Disgusting!

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · Dec 19, 2016

Have any of you Nurses had this happen to you? Imagine the relationship ended very badly (ex. your ex cheated/was a narcissist/abusive) and then he/she (or their mistress/ lover) is admitted to your unit and assigned to you... because the universe has a unique sense of humor!
Anyways... (regardless of whether it had been 12 > or
I've never had that specific scenario happen, but if it had/does, I'd ask to be removed from the patient's care and assigned elsewhere during their stay...more so for my own sanity than that of the ex/other person.
Anywhere I've evr worked, it was standard policy that one would not be assigned to work with anyone with whom one had an existing relationship (relatives, neighbors, etc.); there would be no question that, in the OP's scenario, the nurse would not be assigned, and might even be transferred to a different unit (in an inpatient setting) for the duration.
My facility has this policy too.
Now THIS, I've had happen twice...well, same two people (one inpatient, one outpatient), multiple visits. Each time, I notified/reminded my manager and the head of the department of the dual relationships, and they ensured I was not assigned to any unit the patient was on while they were here.
The outpatient one was particularly tough as they were in outpatient for several months, and rotated through various programs until they found the right fit.
So I had to rotate through various programs as well.

chacha82, ADN, BSN · Dec 19, 2016

@chacha82
Your comments are not productive, nor do they make any sense given the context...
Where/when did I say I wanted any part of this assignment? If you've read through the thread, I already mentioned that I have been doing everything I can to distance myself/ put an end to the situation. I posted this asking if anyone had been placed in this position before, and/or how it was handled at their facility. I was told by a nursing colleague at my facility (who also works at another nearby clinic) that one of her coworkers at the clinic was going through a divorce a couple of years ago and would get unwelcome visits from their soon-to-be-ex... this ex would come to the clinic seeking unnecessary treatment for this/that. I doubt she chose that outcome, just like I didn't choose mine and I can't disclose details because they'd be identifying.
@chacha82 Your comments are crass...Especially to mock victims of abuse by insinuating they place themselves in these positions. That kind of victim blaming is akin to the convenient scapegoat, for example: that sexual assault victims were "asking for it" or "wore a short skirt" thus inviting "inappropriate and dramatic situations" into their life. Disgusting![/Q
I second comments made by Maca and Horeshoe. I had no intentions to blame or shame anyone. If my ex or their lover or any other combination was assigned to me, it wouldn't be an appropriate assignment. My "Grey's anatomy" comment has to do with unrealistic situations I think that show depicts for people in medicine/nursing and personal relationships. I never suggested YOU invite drama, nor did I blame victims. I alluded that TV shows like that have revolving doors of characters who do seem to invite drama. I did not mean disrespect to you, or to anyone.

1056chris · Dec 19, 2016

I was thinking about this the other day as I am in the process of getting a divorce. I was thinking it would be my luck that something like this would happen and what would I do? Without hesitation talk to whoever is in charge and get the assignment changed. I am sure they would understand(and if not for your benefit , for theirs) they don't want chaos either.

Pepsimx5 · Dec 23, 2016

I disagree with the person who said it wouldn't matter if she took care of the ex's lover. Even if the patient does not recognize/know who the nurse is, the nurse knows who the patient is, which could effect her judgement, even subconsciously, in a number of different ways.

She could jeopardize or neglect other patients due to stress/anxiety, or from trying too hard to take GOOD care of the "lover/mistress."

She might also, intentionally or unintentionally avoid the patient, thereby neglecting her care.

Additionally, the ex will undoubtedly be present as a visitor, which would likely cause the nurse anxiety, potentially causing her to make errors with this or other patients.

Finally, if she was seen by the ex or recognized by the patient, she is opening herself up to liability because even if she never walked in the room, he has an abusive history and could make any number of false accusations including something as simple as a HIPAA violation, such as telling family or friends that they were in the hospital, which is a terminable offence.

Pepsimx5 · Dec 23, 2016

You did the right thing. There is too high potential for risk/problems, which I detailed in response to another readers comment.

I think your supervisor must have been having a bad day and was reacting to the stress of her own job and the added responsibility of having to find a way to change your assignment.

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 23, 2016

Fortunately I don't have that kind of drama in my life, but if I did, I would make sure not to even enter the room.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Dec 23, 2016

I would not want to render care to any ex-lover or the 'other woman.' It would not be fair to them. In addition, this type of situation would cloud my clinical judgment and perhaps invoke an unprofessional response out of me.

So, for me, the answer is an unequivocal "NO."

Lovemysugar · Dec 24, 2016

My question would how to restrain oneself from NOT wanting to! I know... Mean and unprofessional. But I can dream. :cautious:

CardiacDork, MSN, RN · Dec 24, 2016

I took care of a former nursing school classmate. My assignment wasn't switched and I only had 2 hours left in my shift. This was before my ICU days and it was a pretty straight forward admission.

An ex? Heck no. I don't even keep in contact with exes, I cut them out of my life. Bad or good ending .... adios bye arrivederci

LadysSolo · Dec 24, 2016

My ex-husband's brother was my patient, and he and his family were thrilled that I was taking care of him. I took care of him like anyone else, I had no problem with him (he wasn't my "ex.") Actually I had no problem with my "ex" either, we got along because we had a child together, his wife was the only one who didn't like me. The rest of his extended family still liked me.