1/9: What I learned this week - Worst. Vagina. EVER.

[ixchel]

I still can't believe it's January! Where did 2015 go?!

If your unit is like mine at all, brace yourselves.... Respiratory failure is coming. Out of 10 different patients since 1/1, I've had only one non-respiratory failure patient. Only two of those had sputum cultures with the same type of bug. That bug was a rare one for adults, too, so it's been fun, to say the least. All's fun and games until you get a patient who has no concept of covering a cough.

Regardless, Ixchel Medical Center and Chez Ixchel have both been full of lessons. Hard to narrow this week's list, but for the sake of people actually reaching the bottom of it, I did. [emoji5]️

This week, I have learned.....

1. I am fully convinced I have smelled the worst possible smelling lady parts.

2. Apparently I am a great big baby about getting invasive procedures done on me.

3. Receiving unsettling news about your health is much less unsettling when the doctor is hot.

4. Also, receiving unsettling news about your health gets easier to process emotionally with each new diagnosis.

5. It seriously sucks to clock out from caring for a whole unit of respiratory failure (half dead) patients only to come home to your smoker spouse.

6. The first couple of times you get asked, "Am I going to die?", it's a little creepy, until you have enough experience in nursing to be able to answer, "not on my watch!" with a reassuring smile, followed with, "you will be okay." But then, when someone actually does die on that admission, after asking repeatedly, it goes back to being creepy again.

7. My unit tends to be a bit wild, so staff turnover ends up being high. This changes the "personality" of night shift a lot, since the new to nursing newbies like night shift. I like the night shift personality right now and hope the newbies stay.

8. It still feels weird to be the most experienced nurse on a shift besides charge.

9. I might lose my shizz if we don't get psych on consult. As much as our hospitalists feel adequate to handle psych, they simply aren't.

10. You should have 1-2 people on your "speed dial" (hahaha!!! You guys remember speed dial?!) as your medical procedure go to people for those times you can't do medical procedures on yourself. (i.e. Stitches removal in hard to reach places.) (Thank you for that idea, Dogen!)

11. My primary care doesn't feel qualified to remove a mole from my shoulder because it's too big and looks like someone more specialized should do it. (This is the 5th item in this week's list related to this topic. I may need some tranquilizers, to stop thinking about this.)

12. I met my favorite patient ever. EVER. I want to take him home and name him Grandpa.

13. It's hard enough to stop being lazy after night shifts when I get an ideal schedule. When my schedule sucks, it's impossible. Seriously, ugh.

14. BEST THING EVER! (That may be an exaggeration.) Medscape sent out an article saying contact precautions for MRSA and VRE are no more effective at preventing transmission than standard/universal.

15. Our legal system may be corrupt, or be inefficient, but that doesn't mean a suspect is innocent.

Phish, anybody? (Don't worry, Farawyn, no one dies in this one.)

So, my loves, what have YOU learned this week?

[MrNurse(x2), ADN]

OH SNAP!!! Hahahhahahahahahaaaaaa!

Couldn't resist

[JayHanig]

* There will be a shortage of pca syringes (morphine, dilaudid & fentanyl) that is expected to last into March. No idea what the plan is for managing our fresh post-op ortho pts. Anyone else hear of something like this?

PCA pumps aren't all that great that you can't run an ortho floor without them. Remember prn pain orders? They're all you need most of the time anyway.

After many years on an ortho joint replacement floor, I finally had a hip replaced. The surgery was done early one morning and I didn't ask for anything for pain until almost 48 hours later. I didn't have a PCA. Frankly, postop pain wasn't much compared to the arthritic pain I'd suffered previously. I recognize people tolerate pain differently and that my tolerance is higher than that of others but still: you can cope without the pump.

[CarolinabornRN]

DIY pessary?

I worked with a nurse quite a few years ago who told me about a patient that she had in the outpatient clinic. The woman came in and told her that she had "vines growing out my ginie". When the doctor examined her they found the woman had used a potato that had been cut in half as a pessary. She indeed had vines "growing out the ginie". No lie, she swears this was a true story!

[cracklingkraken, ASN, RN]

Okay, this is not nursing-related, but... Apparently people in my city become worst drivers in the winter. And it's not because of the ice.

I had someone weaving in and out, without turn-signal use. Someone else slammed on his brakes in front of me and cut someone off when he switched lanes, all because he couldn't wait for the person in front of him to turn right. Have I mentioned that my Honda doesn't play nicely on ice and is rear-wheel drive? I'm glad I made it home without clipping any reckless drivers.

[Jensmom7, BSN, RN]

I worked with a nurse quite a few years ago who told me about a patient that she had in the outpatient clinic. The woman came in and told her that she had "vines growing out my ginie". When the doctor examined her they found the woman had used a potato that had been cut in half as a pessary. She indeed had vines "growing out the ginie". No lie, she swears this was a true story!

Heh. When I heard this story 35 years ago, the lady said she had "leaves growin' out my Virginia".

I love it. Nursing Urban Legends!! We should write a book lol.

[Farawyn]

It may be a patient urban legend too, because hand to God we had 1 in the clinic last year.

All kinds of produce, in fact.

And other schtuff.

[Dusty Trail]

About this lady parts thing... what was the diagnosis?

Diagnosis: "Party Platter *****" Patient had lady parts filled with Blue Cheese Dressing for use as a Vegetable Dip at a New Year's Eve Party

[Farawyn]

Diagnosis: "Party Platter *****" Patient had lady parts filled with Blue Cheese Dressing for use as a Vegetable Dip at a New Year's Eve Party

Too much. No.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I worked with a nurse quite a few years ago who told me about a patient that she had in the outpatient clinic. The woman came in and told her that she had "vines growing out my ginie". When the doctor examined her they found the woman had used a potato that had been cut in half as a pessary. She indeed had vines "growing out the ginie". No lie, she swears this was a true story!

Heh. When I heard this story 35 years ago, the lady said she had "leaves growin' out my Virginia".

I love it. Nursing Urban Legends!! We should write a book lol.

Yep, that story has been around a bazillion years. And even made it into one of Echo Heron's books.

I made sure I used proper anatomical terminology when raising my children. member, lady parts, etc.

My husband taught them "tallywaker" for member. We also say "who-who" for member.

No other word for lady parts though - they just don't say that word.

[RainMom]

PCA pumps aren't all that great that you can't run an ortho floor without them. Remember prn pain orders? They're all you need most of the time anyway.

After many years on an ortho joint replacement floor, I finally had a hip replaced. The surgery was done early one morning and I didn't ask for anything for pain until almost 48 hours later. I didn't have a PCA. Frankly, postop pain wasn't much compared to the arthritic pain I'd suffered previously. I recognize people tolerate pain differently and that my tolerance is higher than that of others but still: you can cope without the pump.

The joint replacement pts won't do too bad I think for the most part, but our spinal fusion pts go thru pca syringes like it's saline sometimes. That's in addition to the q4 norco/percocet + oxycontin q12. Thankfully, I'm just prn on the floor & won't have to deal with it much.

[jag nurse, RN]

2. I started 2016 off working New Years. Plus side? My scheduled holiday is over for 2016.

Jealous. I, too, worked New Years Eve and Day and have more to go. We are scheduled to work half the holidays a year, and at this hospital, if you get Christmas, you also have to work Christmas Eve. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. In my estimation, you ought to be able to have one day of Christmas with family, especially if they all live out of state and only come home every so often. The rest of our rules are the same as Calivianya has.

"... Nobody is allowed to take PTO to miss a holiday, and you can't just switch with someone in the same week - you have to trade holidays if you want a holiday off. If you want both Christmas Eve and Christmas off, someone is going to have to work both of them and you would take one of their other holidays, for example.”

This week I learned...

1. That I REALLY wish this hospital gave patient assignments out based upon acuity. I ended with the worst group this past wekk, and it was about all I could handle for my 3-day stint of the same group. (Really hoping I don't have them again, when I go back tomorrow, but probably will). It's especially bad, when the other nurses end up with fairly decent groups and have a bit of lag time, so they're sitting at the nurses' station, while you're running your little tushy off. :/

2. They really are giving us more patient's, on a regular basis now (it's not just a rumor). And, there are more additions to the work load for charges nurses coming down the pike as well.

3. That I don't like my job right now, but I do like my profession.

4. That I have LOVED having four days off this week!

5. That it is so hard to watch your mama's mind go, bit by bit. : (

6. That I love my Dad (and Mom) and that I love having a new baby in the family.

[Farawyn]

Your number 5. *hugs*