JayHanig

Then the problem is solved. It's all on him; not on you.

My suggestion that one be armed was intended for off the workplace only. I kept a gun in the car when I was at work, which is legal. I did not carry it inside, though I knew nurses that did. My gun was available to me during my commute and when I walked in the front door of my house. I do have a CCW, not that I needed one to have a gun in my car. I only needed one to conceal a gun in my car when I'm out and about. Your state's laws may differ from mine (NC). The last thing she should do is open her front door without being prepared for an unexpected visitor. A purse isn't going to cut it. Finally, while a restraining order is useful in the sense it can get somebody arrested if they violate it, one should recognize that they get violated all the time, and being in the right isn't the same as being among the living. So get that order, but get a gun too. If you never need it, great. If you do need it, you probably will need it very badly and RIGHT THEN. A gun in the hand is worth more than an entire police force on the phone.

This guy is trouble, trouble, trouble. I wouldn't worry too much about him killing himself. He's using the threat to guilt or blackmail you, as you obviously already know. But I seriously doubt he will ever follow through with it, as he's more likely to hurt you than he is himself. If I had a stalker like that following me around, I'd make sure I was armed... all the time. You can't be sure he won't be waiting for you inside your home when you get there. And as floydnightingale already said, report him to the police and definitely HR. Stop worrying about his welfare and start worrying about your own. He's made his bed...

Seems to me you need some attitude adjustment. I'm not being negative, just pointing out my approach to problem solving. Stop focusing on your self-perception as being slow and start just becoming task oriented and taking one step after another, fully conscious of the fact that if you take longer than expected, you're being paid by the hour. It might cut into your free time but it will add to your paycheck. It wasn't that long ago nobody was paying you anything for the work you put in. Rich or poor, it's nice to have money. Rome wasn't built in a day. I have a million of these little saying that could be applied to this situation. Know this: you will be much quicker a year from now. In the meanwhile, sit down and think about your work. What can you do to be more efficient? I'll offer you a freebie: never go down the hall for just one task unless it's an emergency. Try to hit two or three patients anytime you head away from the nurse's station. Cheer up.

As I recall, we all took the same exam to get the same license from the state to allow us to practice nursing. It's worth noting that typically new grad BSNs arrive with the least technical skills. We all learn on the job. Frankly, the old diploma school nurses arrived the best prepared to hit the floor running as new grads.

I've worked in both North and South Carolina. Although people claimed the board would be on us for this and for that, the only thing I ever saw anybody actually get spanked by the board was for the diversion of narcotics.

"Draconian"? That's a kind way to look at it. Could you call in sick three times without getting terminated if you had a note from your mortician? I'm just saying... you guys probably need a union.

I assume that those points clear after a year. If that's the case, then mark the date you last called in on your refrigerator or bulletin board (whatever you've got at home). From that day on, religiously keep track of the dates as you accumulate them. Scratch off any date that is now a year old as the clock would reset as of that date. Make sense? I did this with my last employer and always made my decision predicated on how close I was to getting a warning. Just try to never go over your limit. Being close doesn't matter as long as you don't. As a coworker, the last thing I want to see is another coworker coming in with a highly infectious virus. Talk about working with "Typhoid Mary"! The staff doesn't need your norovirus; nor do patients; nor do their families. When I was in nursing school, call outs were *highly* discouraged. I developed a case of walking pneumonia (diagnosed in an urgent care facility - I was sick as a dog). But I did not call in. I went to class and sat down as far away from everyone as I possibly could and proceeded to cough my lungs out until they threw me out. *That* was acceptable. I didn't call out, now did I? They sent me home and I never heard another word about it. Food for thought.

We didn't much care for IVs in the AC on the floors either. They have a bad tendency to be highly positional. Making the trip down the hall to reset the IVAC just because the patient bent his or her arm can get old in a hurry.

Yes, I've seen that happen on occasion. I've been turned down myself by black patients because I was white. And I've also been turned down by female patients because I was male. I've been turned down by Muslim patients because I wasn't Muslim. I got over it. Personally, I was always relieved to be removed from those particular patient's care because they generally were more trouble than I felt they were worth. I had plenty of work to do without going where I was not wanted. If they wanted the help, I was happy to give it but I'd be lying if I said I had any patience for those who didn't. Particularly if their reasons were because my eyes were brown instead of blue, skin white (actually more of a khaki) instead of black, or that I wore boxers instead of briefs. I had control over the latter but not the former.

The irony of someone who rails against "people who still believe that an entire race of people is "less than" simply based on the color of their skin" on the one hand and then invokes the specter of "white privilege" is to much for me to let go without noting. White people are privileged based on the color of their skin? There are plenty of poor white folks who might wonder what happened to their share. You have drunk deeply from the Kool Aid, it would seem. Do you judge everything through the filter of racism? And if you do, who is the racist? My *rant over*.

Where did this happen? My entire career was spent practicing in both North and South Carolina and I never witnessed anything like that. My coworkers at the last place I worked (for 12 years) were white, black, English, Filipino, and Indian. My nurse managers over the years included one white male, one white female, and one black female. For being the birthplace of the American Civil War, my work situation was very diverse and only morons would foster an atmosphere such as you have described. Hell, I was just glad to have the help. We never had enough staff and picking on each other was unlikely to make anyone else want to join us. I made it a point to get along with each of my bosses because of my prior experience where I didn't get along with one at another hospital. It wasn't pretty and ultimately I was the only one to lose. You don't have to beat me but once for me to pick up the lesson!

They can't get blood from a rock. If they demand their money back, so what? Will they pillory you for all the staff to throw tomatoes at? They can wait for as long as it takes. I doubt they'll be so anxious to recover their investment in you if you let them know they should be hearing from the Department of Labor shortly about their toxic work environment and management's lack of response. And if they push the issue, gather your documentation and go see them (the Dept. of Labor). Someone else already mentioned this but what were you doing accepting a charge position as a new grad? That's a position for an experienced nurse; not a newbie. You were thrown to the lions.

Sorry that happened but it was inevitable. Let me share my coping technique for when I don't catch something that ends up in disaster. Back in 2008, gas prices shot up and so I bought a motorcycle. I'd never riden before so I took the safety course offered by the local community college and subsequently obtained a motorcycle endorsement on my driver's license. The very first time I rode my own motorcycle after the class, I dropped it. It happens so fast I couldn't begin to do any more than find myself sitting in the road at the edge of my driveway. That bike's heavy too, and very top heavy. It took me a while to get it back upright by myself. I thought about what I had done and why had it reacted that way. I came away with the idea that I should never apply the front brakes alone. Then one day at work I parked it in the parking lot on a slope and dropped it again. I thought about that one for a good while too, since it left me with a 1' (that's foot) square hematoma and having to buy a new helmet because I cracked my head so hard on the pavement. Left me a little goofy for a while too. Not good. I concluded to always park on flat ground, even if I had to walk further to get to my destination. These are rules I've scrupulously adhered to since and I never dropped my bike again. Now, how does this apply to you? You were presented with a set of conditions new to you and you didn't pick up on the danger. Welcome to the human race. It happens. What is important is learning something from this and never reacting the same way again. I seriously doubt the next time you are presented with a patient in the same condition that you will miss the markers again. This is the difference between an experienced nurse and a newbie. You are going to screw up on a semi-regular basis; most times it won't really matter. What does matter is that you file away what happened and don't let it catch you unaware the next time. BTW, don't forget we all are going to die at some point. If your patient had been at home, he'd be no more alive today than he is now. You screwed up but the nurse who claims they never do either hasn't actually provided nursing care or they're just a liar. Hey, you can't be that dumb: you passed nursing school and the NCLEX, didn't you? That was the hardest thing I've ever done and I was a commercial pilot before I went into nursing.

Some hospitals pull that kind of crap then wonder why unions get organized in their facilities. Happy employees don't unionize. Only the *** upon. Any facility that has a union deserved it.