JayHanig

Then the problem is solved. It's all on him; not on you.

My suggestion that one be armed was intended for off the workplace only. I kept a gun in the car when I was at work, which is legal. I did not carry it inside, though I knew nurses that did. My gun was available to me during my commute and when I walked in the front door of my house. I do have a CCW, not that I needed one to have a gun in my car. I only needed one to conceal a gun in my car when I'm out and about. Your state's laws may differ from mine (NC). The last thing she should do is open her front door without being prepared for an unexpected visitor. A purse isn't going to cut it. Finally, while a restraining order is useful in the sense it can get somebody arrested if they violate it, one should recognize that they get violated all the time, and being in the right isn't the same as being among the living. So get that order, but get a gun too. If you never need it, great. If you do need it, you probably will need it very badly and RIGHT THEN. A gun in the hand is worth more than an entire police force on the phone.

This guy is trouble, trouble, trouble. I wouldn't worry too much about him killing himself. He's using the threat to guilt or blackmail you, as you obviously already know. But I seriously doubt he will ever follow through with it, as he's more likely to hurt you than he is himself. If I had a stalker like that following me around, I'd make sure I was armed... all the time. You can't be sure he won't be waiting for you inside your home when you get there. And as floydnightingale already said, report him to the police and definitely HR. Stop worrying about his welfare and start worrying about your own. He's made his bed...

Seems to me you need some attitude adjustment. I'm not being negative, just pointing out my approach to problem solving. Stop focusing on your self-perception as being slow and start just becoming task oriented and taking one step after another, fully conscious of the fact that if you take longer than expected, you're being paid by the hour. It might cut into your free time but it will add to your paycheck. It wasn't that long ago nobody was paying you anything for the work you put in. Rich or poor, it's nice to have money. Rome wasn't built in a day. I have a million of these little saying that could be applied to this situation. Know this: you will be much quicker a year from now. In the meanwhile, sit down and think about your work. What can you do to be more efficient? I'll offer you a freebie: never go down the hall for just one task unless it's an emergency. Try to hit two or three patients anytime you head away from the nurse's station. Cheer up.

As I recall, we all took the same exam to get the same license from the state to allow us to practice nursing. It's worth noting that typically new grad BSNs arrive with the least technical skills. We all learn on the job. Frankly, the old diploma school nurses arrived the best prepared to hit the floor running as new grads.

I've worked in both North and South Carolina. Although people claimed the board would be on us for this and for that, the only thing I ever saw anybody actually get spanked by the board was for the diversion of narcotics.

"Draconian"? That's a kind way to look at it. Could you call in sick three times without getting terminated if you had a note from your mortician? I'm just saying... you guys probably need a union.

I assume that those points clear after a year. If that's the case, then mark the date you last called in on your refrigerator or bulletin board (whatever you've got at home). From that day on, religiously keep track of the dates as you accumulate them. Scratch off any date that is now a year old as the clock would reset as of that date. Make sense? I did this with my last employer and always made my decision predicated on how close I was to getting a warning. Just try to never go over your limit. Being close doesn't matter as long as you don't. As a coworker, the last thing I want to see is another coworker coming in with a highly infectious virus. Talk about working with "Typhoid Mary"! The staff doesn't need your norovirus; nor do patients; nor do their families. When I was in nursing school, call outs were *highly* discouraged. I developed a case of walking pneumonia (diagnosed in an urgent care facility - I was sick as a dog). But I did not call in. I went to class and sat down as far away from everyone as I possibly could and proceeded to cough my lungs out until they threw me out. *That* was acceptable. I didn't call out, now did I? They sent me home and I never heard another word about it. Food for thought.

We didn't much care for IVs in the AC on the floors either. They have a bad tendency to be highly positional. Making the trip down the hall to reset the IVAC just because the patient bent his or her arm can get old in a hurry.

Yes, I've seen that happen on occasion. I've been turned down myself by black patients because I was white. And I've also been turned down by female patients because I was male. I've been turned down by Muslim patients because I wasn't Muslim. I got over it. Personally, I was always relieved to be removed from those particular patient's care because they generally were more trouble than I felt they were worth. I had plenty of work to do without going where I was not wanted. If they wanted the help, I was happy to give it but I'd be lying if I said I had any patience for those who didn't. Particularly if their reasons were because my eyes were brown instead of blue, skin white (actually more of a khaki) instead of black, or that I wore boxers instead of briefs. I had control over the latter but not the former.

The irony of someone who rails against "people who still believe that an entire race of people is "less than" simply based on the color of their skin" on the one hand and then invokes the specter of "white privilege" is to much for me to let go without noting. White people are privileged based on the color of their skin? There are plenty of poor white folks who might wonder what happened to their share. You have drunk deeply from the Kool Aid, it would seem. Do you judge everything through the filter of racism? And if you do, who is the racist? My *rant over*.

Where did this happen? My entire career was spent practicing in both North and South Carolina and I never witnessed anything like that. My coworkers at the last place I worked (for 12 years) were white, black, English, Filipino, and Indian. My nurse managers over the years included one white male, one white female, and one black female. For being the birthplace of the American Civil War, my work situation was very diverse and only morons would foster an atmosphere such as you have described. Hell, I was just glad to have the help. We never had enough staff and picking on each other was unlikely to make anyone else want to join us. I made it a point to get along with each of my bosses because of my prior experience where I didn't get along with one at another hospital. It wasn't pretty and ultimately I was the only one to lose. You don't have to beat me but once for me to pick up the lesson!

They can't get blood from a rock. If they demand their money back, so what? Will they pillory you for all the staff to throw tomatoes at? They can wait for as long as it takes. I doubt they'll be so anxious to recover their investment in you if you let them know they should be hearing from the Department of Labor shortly about their toxic work environment and management's lack of response. And if they push the issue, gather your documentation and go see them (the Dept. of Labor). Someone else already mentioned this but what were you doing accepting a charge position as a new grad? That's a position for an experienced nurse; not a newbie. You were thrown to the lions.

Sorry that happened but it was inevitable. Let me share my coping technique for when I don't catch something that ends up in disaster. Back in 2008, gas prices shot up and so I bought a motorcycle. I'd never riden before so I took the safety course offered by the local community college and subsequently obtained a motorcycle endorsement on my driver's license. The very first time I rode my own motorcycle after the class, I dropped it. It happens so fast I couldn't begin to do any more than find myself sitting in the road at the edge of my driveway. That bike's heavy too, and very top heavy. It took me a while to get it back upright by myself. I thought about what I had done and why had it reacted that way. I came away with the idea that I should never apply the front brakes alone. Then one day at work I parked it in the parking lot on a slope and dropped it again. I thought about that one for a good while too, since it left me with a 1' (that's foot) square hematoma and having to buy a new helmet because I cracked my head so hard on the pavement. Left me a little goofy for a while too. Not good. I concluded to always park on flat ground, even if I had to walk further to get to my destination. These are rules I've scrupulously adhered to since and I never dropped my bike again. Now, how does this apply to you? You were presented with a set of conditions new to you and you didn't pick up on the danger. Welcome to the human race. It happens. What is important is learning something from this and never reacting the same way again. I seriously doubt the next time you are presented with a patient in the same condition that you will miss the markers again. This is the difference between an experienced nurse and a newbie. You are going to screw up on a semi-regular basis; most times it won't really matter. What does matter is that you file away what happened and don't let it catch you unaware the next time. BTW, don't forget we all are going to die at some point. If your patient had been at home, he'd be no more alive today than he is now. You screwed up but the nurse who claims they never do either hasn't actually provided nursing care or they're just a liar. Hey, you can't be that dumb: you passed nursing school and the NCLEX, didn't you? That was the hardest thing I've ever done and I was a commercial pilot before I went into nursing.

Some hospitals pull that kind of crap then wonder why unions get organized in their facilities. Happy employees don't unionize. Only the *** upon. Any facility that has a union deserved it.

My employer set up a system where we were not allowed more than 4 absences in a calendar year. You could stay out two contiguous days and it would count as one absence, but woe betide the person who called in one day, felt better and worked the next, then relapsed and called in on the third. Two occurrences! Well, they made up the rules. I merely played by them. I had a bulletin board in my kitchen at home. On it was a sheet of paper where I'd faithfully record each absence and its date. Before I called in, I checked the board to make sure I wasn't over the limit for the past 12 months. Then no matter what, I took both days off. As a date expired on the list, I'd mark through it, leaving only those in the 12 months up to that particular day I was contemplating staying home. Nobody wants to be around a sick nurse, though the administration was dishonest about their policy. If they truly wanted to encourage us to stay home when we were sick and potentially infectious, they wouldn't have punished us when we did. But hey: I can take a hint. They really wanted Nurse Typhoid to come in no matter what. They'd have banned sick days entirely if they could have gotten away with it. Some days I was "sick of" rather than actually "sick" but I took full advantage of my four times a year. Over 12 years there, I used every opportunity without once stepping over the line to earn a write up.

I wondered about that as well. You are absolutely correct. Low unemployment rates make jobs a seller's market: in this case the hospital is the buyer and the nurses are selling their services.

Why don't you quit?

Worker's comp is your friend. You don't need the hospital's permission to bring a case, nor do you even need a lawyer. You just need to apply. In the last state I worked in prior to retiring, Worker's comp was my sole remedy but they came through for me in a big way. I was working for a air charter company as a pilot when I was severely injured in a plane crash due to a mechanical failure. Worker's comp paid for innumerable surgeries and rehab after the fact and paid me 2/3 of what I was making each week prior to being injured (it's a payment; not a loan... that is your money to keep though it is taxable). I eventually was able to return to flying. Two years later I was reevaluated to determine the percentage of permanent loss, then offered a settlement. Way too cheap, I thought, so I scheduled an informal hearing. The insurance company offered me another offer after it; still too cheap. I requested a formal hearing. The insurance company called me and tried to discourage me, telling me it would only cost me more in legal fees. "What legal fees?", I asked. There were no legal fees... for me. They were the ones having to pay lawyers; not me. I also pointed out I had thought carefully about my presentation during the informal hearing and that I would not be repeating the mistakes I may have made. So I got ready for the formal hearing. When I arrived, the worker's comp insurance company's lawyer offered me four times what they had originally offered if I would sign before we went inside the proceedings room. I agreed, and that's where I got the money to buy a new car, a computer, and to attend nursing school and learn a new trade. She should contact a lawyer familiar with the process for advice but he/she will not be able to assist her directly during any proceedings. That's why my legal fees were so much cheaper than the insurance company's.

I don't understand what your reticence was about telling her you had major GI symptoms. If she wants the nitty-gritty details, give them to her in the most graphic way possible, so there's no mistake. I have no problem whatsoever telling a supervisor who asks that every time I hiccup, I have uncontrollable explosive diarrhea. It usually ends the conversation quickly.

If you're sick, you need to call in. If the facility closes, it closes. They haven't been motivated to find replacement staff because you enable them. Why go to the expense when they can just guilt you into coming when you're infectious? Trust me, if they close a time or two because staff is sick, they will make an effort to find backup. If they fire you over it, they've probably done you a favor. I wouldn't weep.

I think I would have found that supervisor and coughed all over her. If she wasn't in her office, I'd have licked her coffee mug assuming I could find it. But that's just me. I don't think clearly when I'm feverish. Your best excuse, should you need one in the future, is explosive diarrhea. Tell them you lose control every time you cough. I'm pretty sure they won't be so anxious to see you with that. It's a good thing I retired. My attitude isn't all it could be any more.

There is a lot of good advice here. If you don't have blackout curtains, light absolutely will not penetrate aluminum foil and scotch tape on the inside of your bedroom windows. White noise is very good. Turn off the phone. One of the best things I could tell you that I don't think anyone else mentioned was to treat every day the same whether you're scheduled to work or not. My theory was it wasn't the shift that exhausted me; it was the constant attempt to reacclimate between working nights and living days. So I went to bed at the same time every morning and slept until midafternoon every day, regardless of whether I was scheduled to work or not. You cannot burn the candle at both ends for very long.

As others have said, you have definitely dodged the bullet. Consider yourself lucky it happened so early in your career and don't worry about what she can do to harpoon you; her options are few. But I would definitely go to HR and put your complaint on the record. While it's true they work for their employer rather than the employed, you will be contributing to their documentation when they try to rid themselves of that shrew. It's the least you can do for them. Karma can be your friend. Good luck in your new position. And no matter what opportunities present themselves, commit yourself to staying at this new place for at least a couple of years, if not longer.

Nothing validates my decision to retire early more than the OP's story. After sitting on the sidelines since 2010, I've finally decided to let my licence expire with my birthday next month. Can you believe the NC BON wants $30 to retire my license? Good luck collecting that. Better I owe them the rest of my life than do them out of it!