1/9: What I learned this week - Worst. Vagina. EVER.

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I still can't believe it's January! Where did 2015 go?!

If your unit is like mine at all, brace yourselves.... Respiratory failure is coming. Out of 10 different patients since 1/1, I've had only one non-respiratory failure patient. Only two of those had sputum cultures with the same type of bug. That bug was a rare one for adults, too, so it's been fun, to say the least. All's fun and games until you get a patient who has no concept of covering a cough.

Regardless, Ixchel Medical Center and Chez Ixchel have both been full of lessons. Hard to narrow this week's list, but for the sake of people actually reaching the bottom of it, I did. [emoji5]️

This week, I have learned.....

1. I am fully convinced I have smelled the worst possible smelling lady parts.

2. Apparently I am a great big baby about getting invasive procedures done on me.

3. Receiving unsettling news about your health is much less unsettling when the doctor is hot.

4. Also, receiving unsettling news about your health gets easier to process emotionally with each new diagnosis.

5. It seriously sucks to clock out from caring for a whole unit of respiratory failure (half dead) patients only to come home to your smoker spouse.

6. The first couple of times you get asked, "Am I going to die?", it's a little creepy, until you have enough experience in nursing to be able to answer, "not on my watch!" with a reassuring smile, followed with, "you will be okay." But then, when someone actually does die on that admission, after asking repeatedly, it goes back to being creepy again.

7. My unit tends to be a bit wild, so staff turnover ends up being high. This changes the "personality" of night shift a lot, since the new to nursing newbies like night shift. I like the night shift personality right now and hope the newbies stay.

8. It still feels weird to be the most experienced nurse on a shift besides charge.

9. I might lose my shizz if we don't get psych on consult. As much as our hospitalists feel adequate to handle psych, they simply aren't.

10. You should have 1-2 people on your "speed dial" (hahaha!!! You guys remember speed dial?!) as your medical procedure go to people for those times you can't do medical procedures on yourself. (i.e. Stitches removal in hard to reach places.) (Thank you for that idea, Dogen!)

11. My primary care doesn't feel qualified to remove a mole from my shoulder because it's too big and looks like someone more specialized should do it. (This is the 5th item in this week's list related to this topic. I may need some tranquilizers, to stop thinking about this.)

12. I met my favorite patient ever. EVER. I want to take him home and name him Grandpa.

13. It's hard enough to stop being lazy after night shifts when I get an ideal schedule. When my schedule sucks, it's impossible. Seriously, ugh.

14. BEST THING EVER! (That may be an exaggeration.) Medscape sent out an article saying contact precautions for MRSA and VRE are no more effective at preventing transmission than standard/universal.

15. Our legal system may be corrupt, or be inefficient, but that doesn't mean a suspect is innocent.

Phish, anybody? (Don't worry, Farawyn, no one dies in this one.)

So, my loves, what have YOU learned this week?

Specializes in Hospice.
If you get Ben Wa balls stuck in your lady parts, you are supposed to squat and push. (Ben Wa balls are like those heavy Chinese stress balls that you roll around your hands. They are great for increasing muscle tone, particularly if you're not very proficient at kegels.)

Deleted. Apparently the app pooped itself and repeated my last post.

So we really don't get to know what caused this poor woman's woman part to be so, I assume, stinky? Or otherwise unpleasant? :notworthy:

This is the best WILTW since "the change in WILTW"!

Just saying.

It's ON TOPIC!

Specializes in critical care.
Ok, seriously? But how firmly can you press the tummy? I usually try to work with pressure on the base; hard to explain in writing but it was a technique a Uro showed on a kiddo with a congenital defect. We were trying to prep for surgery. Wait, wasn't there a thread about this and somehow the term whack-a-mole came out???

Speaking of gloves, Shadow... I feel your pain. Same goes for if you have slippery chlorop or betadine fingers and you're devolving or trying to manipulate prepped anatomy for a procedure. Sheesh. I'd rather try to play pool with a rope.

Alternating top and bottom only once or twice, I usually press hard immediately above and then just below the member. We have a urologist who will just bop the area just above the member and it'll pop out quickly. There is an art and a feel to this skill, but once you've figured it out, it's like riding a bike.

Specializes in critical care.
Ixchel- if you are referring to a member appearing shorter on the men with large bellies, I was told that there are ligaments at the base and as they don't increase in length, as a man's belly grows it kinda pulls the member inward making it appear shorter.

I had a pt one time who's member looked like an 'innie' belly button because of his exceptionally large belly.

Hope that helps !!

Makes total sense! Being on a cardiac floor, a large percentage of my male patients have innies.

Specializes in critical care.
So we really don't get to know what caused this poor woman's woman part to be so, I assume, stinky? Or otherwise unpleasant? :notworthy:

Nope. [emoji17]

Specializes in Critical care.
* There will be a shortage of pca syringes (morphine, dilaudid & fentanyl) that is expected to last into March. No idea what the plan is for managing our fresh post-op ortho pts. Anyone else hear of something like this?

I recall getting an email about this at my facility, but I don't deal with PCAs much on my unit. Good luck!

I learned this week to always check my patient's O2 after the respiratory therapist leaves. You'd think someone who is giving a patient a breathing treatment, because the patient CAN'T BREATH, would be more careful. One of my patients, who had bounced back and forth to ICU with respiratory distress, was found with no O2 running after the RT gave a treatment. Mind you I had just rounded and assessed the patient right before the apparent RT treatment so the no O2 wasn't discovered for a couple of hours (it was nighttime). Thankfully the patient was fine once put back on O2. I heard someone call respiratory therapists "respiratory terrorists"- I think that's a good name for some of them (we have at least one great RT, so I won't say all of them deserve that title). So there you have it folks- double check your patient has the correct O2 flowing after RT leaves, I know I will from now on.

Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.

1. Apparently my uber all manager is the vengeful type. She got the receptionist to ring me day before yesterday telling me that yesterdays shift change wasnt going to work (bear in mind this was approved over 2 weeks ago) and I would have to work my original night shift. She got very pissed and roll on number 2.

2. I fell over at work about 10 days ago. Tripped over the damm standing hoist and exacerbated a previous injury. Anyhow, due to severe pain and sleep deprivation, I made a mistake and put that the injury happened at 0000 on the ACC form instead of 0130 which I'd put on the staff form. I also put on the staff incident form that the hoist was plugged in. It had actually been pushed out into the hallway. Basically had advised my manager that not sure if I had the correct paper work however if she needed any other information to contact me. At shift change yesterday, she hands me a letter telling me I'm being halled into a disiplinary meeting because of the discrepancies in my paper work and the fact that I hadnt returned the right paper work.

3. Feel very lucky that I have union representation because after speaking with my rep today their words were something along the lines of 'what the heck is she trying to pull'

4. Strep throat sucks, I could fry and egg on my forehead right now. My temp is sitting on about 39.0c

5. Got to see my first colles fracture. One of my patients fell over in the grounds and I have never ever seen a fracture like it.

Ixchel- if you are referring to a member appearing shorter on the men with large bellies, I was told that there are ligaments at the base and as they don't increase in length, as a man's belly grows it kinda pulls the member inward making it appear shorter.

I had a pt one time who's member looked like an 'innie' belly button because of his exceptionally large belly.

Hope that helps !!

that is interesting. but as I guy, I can also share this with you ladies - we're a lot smaller than the Media stars. there's a reason why they're in Media - they were gifted from birth. Most guys don't look like that. not even close. and it's not just the belly ligament, even when we sit down, it gets pulled inward. if you feel like having some scientific fun, ask your hubby to sit on a chair naked and watch that thing disappear like a turtle into its shell.

Specializes in critical care.
that is interesting. but as I guy, I can also share this with you ladies - we're a lot smaller than the Media stars. there's a reason why they're in Media - they were gifted from birth. Most guys don't look like that. not even close. and it's not just the belly ligament, even when we sit down, it gets pulled inward. if you feel like having some scientific fun, ask your hubby to sit on a chair naked and watch that thing disappear like a turtle into its shell.

[emoji23][emoji23]

Trust me - I'm pretty sure none of us is expecting a 10" erect member standing in all its glory. What I'm describing (and probably the others commenting are describing as well) is an "innie", which literally is like an innie belly button. Many men with CHF bellies have memberes that are retracted into the area immediately above the testicles. When viewed, testicles will be visible, but the member itself won't be. Literally, it looks like one isn't there at all.

Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.
[emoji23][emoji23]

Trust me - I'm pretty sure none of us is expecting a 10" erect member standing in all its glory. What I'm describing (and probably the others commenting are describing as well) is an "innie", which literally is like an innie belly button. Many men with CHF bellies have memberes that are retracted into the area immediately above the testicles. When viewed, testicles will be visible, but the member itself won't be. Literally, it looks like one isn't there at all.

Another odd observation that I may be totally wrong about, but it seems to me that these CHF gentlemen also usually have proportionately large testicles. Between getting the innie to be an outie and navigating over and around a large srotum cathing these gents can be a challenge. Add in that I work with older men so given their age getting that catheter around an enlarged prostrate to reach the bladder is more common than not just increases the challenge. There are definitely times that I feel like I've struck gold when I finally get in.

Specializes in Behavioral Health.
Ixchel- if you are referring to a member appearing shorter on the men with large bellies, I was told that there are ligaments at the base and as they don't increase in length, as a man's belly grows it kinda pulls the member inward making it appear shorter.

I had a pt one time who's member looked like an 'innie' belly button because of his exceptionally large belly.

Hope that helps !!

Note to self: do not gain weight.

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