1/9: What I learned this week - Worst. Vagina. EVER.

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I still can't believe it's January! Where did 2015 go?!

If your unit is like mine at all, brace yourselves.... Respiratory failure is coming. Out of 10 different patients since 1/1, I've had only one non-respiratory failure patient. Only two of those had sputum cultures with the same type of bug. That bug was a rare one for adults, too, so it's been fun, to say the least. All's fun and games until you get a patient who has no concept of covering a cough.

Regardless, Ixchel Medical Center and Chez Ixchel have both been full of lessons. Hard to narrow this week's list, but for the sake of people actually reaching the bottom of it, I did. [emoji5]️

This week, I have learned.....

1. I am fully convinced I have smelled the worst possible smelling lady parts.

2. Apparently I am a great big baby about getting invasive procedures done on me.

3. Receiving unsettling news about your health is much less unsettling when the doctor is hot.

4. Also, receiving unsettling news about your health gets easier to process emotionally with each new diagnosis.

5. It seriously sucks to clock out from caring for a whole unit of respiratory failure (half dead) patients only to come home to your smoker spouse.

6. The first couple of times you get asked, "Am I going to die?", it's a little creepy, until you have enough experience in nursing to be able to answer, "not on my watch!" with a reassuring smile, followed with, "you will be okay." But then, when someone actually does die on that admission, after asking repeatedly, it goes back to being creepy again.

7. My unit tends to be a bit wild, so staff turnover ends up being high. This changes the "personality" of night shift a lot, since the new to nursing newbies like night shift. I like the night shift personality right now and hope the newbies stay.

8. It still feels weird to be the most experienced nurse on a shift besides charge.

9. I might lose my shizz if we don't get psych on consult. As much as our hospitalists feel adequate to handle psych, they simply aren't.

10. You should have 1-2 people on your "speed dial" (hahaha!!! You guys remember speed dial?!) as your medical procedure go to people for those times you can't do medical procedures on yourself. (i.e. Stitches removal in hard to reach places.) (Thank you for that idea, Dogen!)

11. My primary care doesn't feel qualified to remove a mole from my shoulder because it's too big and looks like someone more specialized should do it. (This is the 5th item in this week's list related to this topic. I may need some tranquilizers, to stop thinking about this.)

12. I met my favorite patient ever. EVER. I want to take him home and name him Grandpa.

13. It's hard enough to stop being lazy after night shifts when I get an ideal schedule. When my schedule sucks, it's impossible. Seriously, ugh.

14. BEST THING EVER! (That may be an exaggeration.) Medscape sent out an article saying contact precautions for MRSA and VRE are no more effective at preventing transmission than standard/universal.

15. Our legal system may be corrupt, or be inefficient, but that doesn't mean a suspect is innocent.

Phish, anybody? (Don't worry, Farawyn, no one dies in this one.)

So, my loves, what have YOU learned this week?

Specializes in critical care.
Maybe that would be another way to "extract" foreign objects from the orifices of our patients?

If you get Ben Wa balls stuck in your lady parts, you are supposed to squat and push. (Ben Wa balls are like those heavy Chinese stress balls that you roll around your hands. They are great for increasing muscle tone, particularly if you're not very proficient at kegels.)

Specializes in critical care.
Don't forget the word -panties- :thumbdown:

I HATE THAT WORD.

And moist.

Specializes in CVICU CCRN.

What's weird, though, is men are somewhat opposite. Their nipples don't seem to grow that large, and in my CHFers especially, the larger the belly, the smaller the member. Genuinely, I'd love to hear the physiological explanation for that.

I've noticed the same thing - especially with CHF. Holy Foley insertion, Batman!!

The first time I learned that everything stretches with increased weight, it was nipples. These nipples were the size of small plates. I'm a mini girl, had never seen a larger person naked, so this was very surprising.

What's weird, though, is men are somewhat opposite. Their nipples don't seem to grow that large, and in my CHFers especially, the larger the belly, the smaller the member. Genuinely, I'd love to hear the physiological explanation for that.

Poke the belly in and the member pops out.

It's magic!

(Yes, it's nursey. Good for foley insertion on innies.)

Specializes in long term care Alzheimers Patients.
If you get Ben Wa balls stuck in your lady parts, you are supposed to squat and push. (Ben Wa balls are like those heavy Chinese stress balls that you roll around your hands. They are great for increasing muscle tone, particularly if you're not very proficient at kegels.)

I can't stop laughing Lol

I HATE THAT WORD.

And moist.

I'm not adverse to moist.

Specializes in CVICU CCRN.
Poke the belly in and the member pops out.

It's magic!

(Yes, it's nursey. Good for foley insertion on innies.)

Ok, seriously? But how firmly can you press the tummy? I usually try to work with pressure on the base; hard to explain in writing but it was a technique a Uro showed on a kiddo with a congenital defect. We were trying to prep for surgery. Wait, wasn't there a thread about this and somehow the term whack-a-mole came out???

Speaking of gloves, Shadow... I feel your pain. Same goes for if you have slippery chlorop or betadine fingers and you're devolving or trying to manipulate prepped anatomy for a procedure. Sheesh. I'd rather try to play pool with a rope.

Specializes in Urology, HH, med/Surg.

Ixchel- if you are referring to a member appearing shorter on the men with large bellies, I was told that there are ligaments at the base and as they don't increase in length, as a man's belly grows it kinda pulls the member inward making it appear shorter.

I had a pt one time who's member looked like an 'innie' belly button because of his exceptionally large belly.

Hope that helps !!

Specializes in CVICU CCRN.
Ixchel- if you are referring to a member appearing shorter on the men with large bellies, I was told that there are ligaments at the base and as they don't increase in length, as a man's belly grows it kinda pulls the member inward making it appear shorter.

I had a pt one time who's member looked like an 'innie' belly button because of his exceptionally large belly.

Hope that helps !!

You rock. I was wondering this too!

Specializes in Urology, HH, med/Surg.

I worked for a urology clinic for a while- actually, it was one of my favorite jobs!

But I asked the urologist one day because I had the same question y'all have.

Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.
Poke the belly in and the member pops out.

It's magic!

(Yes, it's nursey. Good for foley insertion on innies.)

Or, if it's an anesthetized patient and you have an extra set of hands, have one person pull up on the belly (towards the head) with one hand while pressing down on each side of the target with the fingers of the other hand. Great technique for making the innie an outie. The belly pulled up also works on women with lots of labial tissue as well- learned this one from a CRNA who heard me go "Uh..." when trying to cath an older woman. Once she had the ET tube secured, she reached down and pulled up on the belly- best visualization of a female urethra I've ever seen. Again, best done on patients under anesthesia. I've never actually put a foley in an awake patient since nursing school.

Specializes in Hospice.
If you get Ben Wa balls stuck in your lady parts, you are supposed to squat and push. (Ben Wa balls are like those heavy Chinese stress balls that you roll around your hands. They are great for increasing muscle tone, particularly if you're not very proficient at kegels.)

I would be afraid of pooping at the same time...[emoji33][emoji33]

Although, thinking about it, if I had Ben Wa balls stuck up my cooch, a little bit of poop would probably be fairly low on my "give a care" list.

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