1/9: What I learned this week - Worst. Vagina. EVER.

[ixchel]

I still can't believe it's January! Where did 2015 go?!

If your unit is like mine at all, brace yourselves.... Respiratory failure is coming. Out of 10 different patients since 1/1, I've had only one non-respiratory failure patient. Only two of those had sputum cultures with the same type of bug. That bug was a rare one for adults, too, so it's been fun, to say the least. All's fun and games until you get a patient who has no concept of covering a cough.

Regardless, Ixchel Medical Center and Chez Ixchel have both been full of lessons. Hard to narrow this week's list, but for the sake of people actually reaching the bottom of it, I did. [emoji5]️

This week, I have learned.....

1. I am fully convinced I have smelled the worst possible smelling lady parts.

2. Apparently I am a great big baby about getting invasive procedures done on me.

3. Receiving unsettling news about your health is much less unsettling when the doctor is hot.

4. Also, receiving unsettling news about your health gets easier to process emotionally with each new diagnosis.

5. It seriously sucks to clock out from caring for a whole unit of respiratory failure (half dead) patients only to come home to your smoker spouse.

6. The first couple of times you get asked, "Am I going to die?", it's a little creepy, until you have enough experience in nursing to be able to answer, "not on my watch!" with a reassuring smile, followed with, "you will be okay." But then, when someone actually does die on that admission, after asking repeatedly, it goes back to being creepy again.

7. My unit tends to be a bit wild, so staff turnover ends up being high. This changes the "personality" of night shift a lot, since the new to nursing newbies like night shift. I like the night shift personality right now and hope the newbies stay.

8. It still feels weird to be the most experienced nurse on a shift besides charge.

9. I might lose my shizz if we don't get psych on consult. As much as our hospitalists feel adequate to handle psych, they simply aren't.

10. You should have 1-2 people on your "speed dial" (hahaha!!! You guys remember speed dial?!) as your medical procedure go to people for those times you can't do medical procedures on yourself. (i.e. Stitches removal in hard to reach places.) (Thank you for that idea, Dogen!)

11. My primary care doesn't feel qualified to remove a mole from my shoulder because it's too big and looks like someone more specialized should do it. (This is the 5th item in this week's list related to this topic. I may need some tranquilizers, to stop thinking about this.)

12. I met my favorite patient ever. EVER. I want to take him home and name him Grandpa.

13. It's hard enough to stop being lazy after night shifts when I get an ideal schedule. When my schedule sucks, it's impossible. Seriously, ugh.

14. BEST THING EVER! (That may be an exaggeration.) Medscape sent out an article saying contact precautions for MRSA and VRE are no more effective at preventing transmission than standard/universal.

15. Our legal system may be corrupt, or be inefficient, but that doesn't mean a suspect is innocent.

Phish, anybody? (Don't worry, Farawyn, no one dies in this one.)

So, my loves, what have YOU learned this week?

[Farawyn]

^^^^ *snort*

Too funny.

You know, throughout my college career, I learned how, like our ears, our lady partss are "self-cleaning" and therfore do not require umm, intervention on our part. Yeah, I have to say, some models - er, lady partss - I've encountered in my nursing career did not seem to have that particular ability.

Come to think of it, I've seen some ears that seemed to have a malfunctioning "self-cleaning" mode as well.

A healthy vagjna will indeed self clean. People just gotta stop sticking all kinds of schtuff in them.

[ixchel]

Yes, it is indeed far easier to maintain a clean lady parts when you do not leave a snickers bar in there. (Or other variable perishable items.)

[ixchel]

I do hope that these lessons find their way onto someone's list for next week. [emoji23]

[NICUNurseEliz]

You know, throughout my college career, I learned how, like our ears, our lady partss are "self-cleaning" and therfore do not require umm, intervention on our part. Yeah, I have to say, some models - er, lady partss - I've encountered in my nursing career did not seem to have that particular ability.

I think some people also don't realize that you have to wash the.. Ummmm... external accessories.

[Farawyn]

I think some people also don't realize that you have to wash the.. Ummmm... external accessories.

We can say labia. We're nurses. LABIA.

[Farawyn]

VULVA.

[NICUNurseEliz]

VULVA.

Don't forget about the mons pubis.

I do hate the word vulva, I have to say. It's right up there with sponge and moist.

[Farawyn]

Don't forget about the mons pubis.

I do hate the word vulva, I have to say. It's right up there with sponge and moist.

My friend says mons pubis.

I said really? You call it that?

So, now she calls it her ladyflower. *facepalm*

[bell1962]

[quote=Farawyn;88

.

I've learned the longer I work in a school, the more I miss medical people. Teachers, psh.

That's it so far.

Exactly why I returned part time.

[Jensmom7, BSN, RN]

Yes, it is indeed far easier to maintain a clean lady parts when you do not leave a snickers bar in there. (Or other variable perishable items.)

But what's a lady to do when she doesn't have pockets, isn't carrying her purse and already has her phone, keys, Kleenex, driver's license and debit card in her bra?? [emoji33][emoji33][emoji33]

[Lauraingalls, BSN, RN]

Here is what I have learned about lady partss:

I spent this past semester in labor and delivery. I dont have siblings and I have never witnessed a lady partsl birth in person much less have time to stare a a woman's lady parts for any length of time. I had C-sections and didnt stare at my lady parts much either.

One night at clinical, I was being tossed around to different nurses (so I could see as many births as possible) and I spent the night helping two different women labor. The first was a very petite Asian lady who laboring with no medication. She was 100 lbs dripping wet. I helped hold a leg while she pushed and pushed and pushed. I had lots of time to gaze upon the whole area... She was so petite including her lady parts. I was amazed at how small it was-- the labia, vulva etc. Even swollen and with a head crowning... she was still petite.

The other patient was pushing 300 lbs and had a very good epidural. So good that I had to help hold a leg because she had no feeling or control. She also was pushing pushing and pushing. So I was gazing upon her area as well. My mouth almost fell open because her vajayjay was ginormous!!! Her labia had folds upon folds... Her mons pubis was vast and padded with fat.

I had an epiphany that night... I know when people are overweight- things get bigger like legs, butt, arms etc ( I am overweight so I can say this). I just never thought about the outside of the lady parts getting bigger!! I guess because men's memberes dont get bigger when they get overweight... I dont know... And the next time I was in lecture with my maternity professor, I enlightened her of my epiphany. I have never seen her laugh so long and so hard.....

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

I learned that I am SOOOOOO grateful I took the spring semester off from classes. I simply could not have kept focused and dedicated with everything going on.

That my Husband's Grandmother finally passed - I say this because she was advanced Alz. as merely just a shell of what a human was meant to be.

That I am glad I do not put food items in my lady bits and that I know how to clean said lady bits.. lol

That I wish I could be pregnant about 3 months longer (instead of another week or so) because I can finally spend some time enjoying it.

That my pregnancy has driven a wedge with some of my dear close friends who are having fertility issues, and I hate it!

That patient wise - we are having a serious run on newborn girls who are struggling with feeding and high bili levels - funny how we get bunches of these. Get it together ladies..

That so far our only positive influenza cases have been those patients who have not gotten the flu vaccine.

I was reminded how lucky I am to be healthy.