1/9: What I learned this week - Worst. Vagina. EVER.

[ixchel]

I still can't believe it's January! Where did 2015 go?!

If your unit is like mine at all, brace yourselves.... Respiratory failure is coming. Out of 10 different patients since 1/1, I've had only one non-respiratory failure patient. Only two of those had sputum cultures with the same type of bug. That bug was a rare one for adults, too, so it's been fun, to say the least. All's fun and games until you get a patient who has no concept of covering a cough.

Regardless, Ixchel Medical Center and Chez Ixchel have both been full of lessons. Hard to narrow this week's list, but for the sake of people actually reaching the bottom of it, I did. [emoji5]️

This week, I have learned.....

1. I am fully convinced I have smelled the worst possible smelling lady parts.

2. Apparently I am a great big baby about getting invasive procedures done on me.

3. Receiving unsettling news about your health is much less unsettling when the doctor is hot.

4. Also, receiving unsettling news about your health gets easier to process emotionally with each new diagnosis.

5. It seriously sucks to clock out from caring for a whole unit of respiratory failure (half dead) patients only to come home to your smoker spouse.

6. The first couple of times you get asked, "Am I going to die?", it's a little creepy, until you have enough experience in nursing to be able to answer, "not on my watch!" with a reassuring smile, followed with, "you will be okay." But then, when someone actually does die on that admission, after asking repeatedly, it goes back to being creepy again.

7. My unit tends to be a bit wild, so staff turnover ends up being high. This changes the "personality" of night shift a lot, since the new to nursing newbies like night shift. I like the night shift personality right now and hope the newbies stay.

8. It still feels weird to be the most experienced nurse on a shift besides charge.

9. I might lose my shizz if we don't get psych on consult. As much as our hospitalists feel adequate to handle psych, they simply aren't.

10. You should have 1-2 people on your "speed dial" (hahaha!!! You guys remember speed dial?!) as your medical procedure go to people for those times you can't do medical procedures on yourself. (i.e. Stitches removal in hard to reach places.) (Thank you for that idea, Dogen!)

11. My primary care doesn't feel qualified to remove a mole from my shoulder because it's too big and looks like someone more specialized should do it. (This is the 5th item in this week's list related to this topic. I may need some tranquilizers, to stop thinking about this.)

12. I met my favorite patient ever. EVER. I want to take him home and name him Grandpa.

13. It's hard enough to stop being lazy after night shifts when I get an ideal schedule. When my schedule sucks, it's impossible. Seriously, ugh.

14. BEST THING EVER! (That may be an exaggeration.) Medscape sent out an article saying contact precautions for MRSA and VRE are no more effective at preventing transmission than standard/universal.

15. Our legal system may be corrupt, or be inefficient, but that doesn't mean a suspect is innocent.

Phish, anybody? (Don't worry, Farawyn, no one dies in this one.)

So, my loves, what have YOU learned this week?

[Farawyn]

Here is what I have learned about lady partss:

I spent this past semester in labor and delivery. I dont have siblings and I have never witnessed a lady partsl birth in person much less have time to stare a a woman's lady parts for any length of time. I had C-sections and didnt stare at my lady parts much either.

One night at clinical, I was being tossed around to different nurses (so I could see as many births as possible) and I spent the night helping two different women labor. The first was a very petite Asian lady who laboring with no medication. She was 100 lbs dripping wet. I helped hold a leg while she pushed and pushed and pushed. I had lots of time to gaze upon the whole area... She was so petite including her lady parts. I was amazed at how small it was-- the labia, vulva etc. Even swollen and with a head crowning... she was still petite.

The other patient was pushing 300 lbs and had a very good epidural. So good that I had to help hold a leg because she had no feeling or control. She also was pushing pushing and pushing. So I was gazing upon her area as well. My mouth almost fell open because her vajayjay was ginormous!!! Her labia had folds upon folds... Her mons pubis was vast and padded with fat.

I had an epiphany that night... I know when people are overweight- things get bigger like legs, butt, arms etc ( I am overweight so I can say this). I just never thought about the outside of the lady parts getting bigger!! I guess because men's memberes dont get bigger when they get overweight... I dont know... And the next time I was in lecture with my maternity professor, I enlightened her of my epiphany. I have never seen her laugh so long and so hard.....

Men's memberes actually get smal...nevermind.

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

Ok... It's official.. I spit my tea all over my computer with the last few comments.. LOL! I had been able to save face until this point. Now it's over..

[Farawyn]

Ok... It's official.. I spit my tea all over my computer with the last few comments.. LOL! I had been able to save face until this point. Now it's over..

Be careful, you may laugh that baby right outta you!

(Still OT: Vag talk)

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

Be careful, you may laugh that baby right outta you!

(Still OT: Vag talk)

Maybe that would be another way to "extract" foreign objects from the orifices of our patients?

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

I've learned that my heart can hold enough love for another red head and she's precious :).

Having an awesome anesthesiologist makes a third c-section go much MUCH smoother than the last. (The last one included my bp in the 200's and hr in the 20's.)

They will discharge you barely 48 hours post section if you're a nurse. They told me that was the reason. Since "you know what you're doing." (I work here PRN so there was no hiding it.) But I am no OB nurse.

Hearing a Code called on the OB floor for the first time in my career...is scary, and props to my nurse who was calm and a cucumber and never let her anxiety show.

*Sorry these are all baby related...

Congrats!

[purplegal]

This has been a horrible week of "learning experiences."

1. Sometimes our best isn't enough. If coworkers want you gone, they will make sure it happens. They will talk about you behind your backs and they will talk to your managers when they think you aren't looking. Even though you make may improvements, it is never good enough for them. And the managers will always side with them.

2. There's always going to be other people that are better than you and more liked than you. In my case, it was an orientee who started around the same time I did. He was the ideal orientee, the shining star of the unit. He set the standards for others high, and managers expected other orientees (i.e. myself) to live up to his performance. He was talked about during my own performance reviews, as someone who was meeting and even exceeding their expectations, a true management's pet. Other coworkers often commented on how they were impressed with him, and how glad they were to see him.

3. It doesn't how much you want something. If others don't want you to have it, they will make sure it gets taken away from you. Sometimes your opinion doesn't matter, when others don't share it.

4. Sometimes, you'll be someone of importance one day and find out you're a nobody the next day. And yet, others will remain at their level of importance.

[Farawyn]

This has been a horrible week of "learning experiences."

1. Sometimes our best isn't enough. If coworkers want you gone, they will make sure it happens. They will talk about you behind your backs and they will talk to your managers when they think you aren't looking. Even though you make may improvements, it is never good enough for them. And the managers will always side with them.

2. There's always going to be other people that are better than you and more liked than you. In my case, it was an orientee who started around the same time I did. He was the ideal orientee, the shining star of the unit. He set the standards for others high, and managers expected other orientees (i.e. myself) to live up to his performance. He was talked about during my own performance reviews, as someone who was meeting and even exceeding their expectations, a true management's pet. Other coworkers often commented on how they were impressed with him, and how glad they were to see him.

3. It doesn't how much you want something. If others don't want you to have it, they will make sure it gets taken away from you. Sometimes your opinion doesn't matter, when others don't share it.

4. Sometimes, you'll be someone of importance one day and find out you're a nobody the next day. And yet, others will remain at their level of importance.

This made me sad. It wasn't a good fit for you. Please don't say you are a nobody.

[kalycat, BSN, RN]

I'm gravely disappointed over the lady parts discharge. I was stalking this thread to find out if the extenda-arm had indeed been used.

I'm back on tonight. Since sometimes my shifts seem to echo Ixchel's (oddly), I am hoping for self-cleaning lady partss all around. "Vulva" is definitely right up there with "moist".

I gave up on sleep today and am having my oil changed. I learned yesterday that with the right base notes and recipe, lentil soup can be stunning.

Purplegal, I went through a residency program of sorts that was awkward and sort of pitted the participants against one another. It was my first brush with that type of.... Well, manipulation. It sucked and I strongly disliked the constant comparisons to others, even seasoned nurses were brought in to the fray. I think perhaps the goal was to provide concrete illustrations of good or excellent performance and/or sloppy behavior. It still didn't feel very good for those in the process.

I'm with Far. It wasn't the fit for you. I know it hurts, but keep scanning the horizon. Something will break for you. Hang in there.

You guys keep me going when it's cold, windy and all I want to do is drink wine and read. Watch out patients, here I come.

Xx - Kaly

[Nurse Leigh]

Don't forget about the mons pubis.

I do hate the word vulva, I have to say. It's right up there with sponge and moist.

Don't forget the word -panties- :thumbdown:

[cracklingkraken, ASN, RN]

I'm gravely disappointed over the lady parts discharge.

lady parts discharge... *insert immature giggle*

[Farawyn]

lady parts discharge... *insert immature giggle*

Well, something was inserted.

But thanks to the discharge we will never know.

[ixchel]

Here is what I have learned about lady partss:

I spent this past semester in labor and delivery. I dont have siblings and I have never witnessed a lady partsl birth in person much less have time to stare a a woman's lady parts for any length of time. I had C-sections and didnt stare at my lady parts much either.

One night at clinical, I was being tossed around to different nurses (so I could see as many births as possible) and I spent the night helping two different women labor. The first was a very petite Asian lady who laboring with no medication. She was 100 lbs dripping wet. I helped hold a leg while she pushed and pushed and pushed. I had lots of time to gaze upon the whole area... She was so petite including her lady parts. I was amazed at how small it was-- the labia, vulva etc. Even swollen and with a head crowning... she was still petite.

The other patient was pushing 300 lbs and had a very good epidural. So good that I had to help hold a leg because she had no feeling or control. She also was pushing pushing and pushing. So I was gazing upon her area as well. My mouth almost fell open because her vajayjay was ginormous!!! Her labia had folds upon folds... Her mons pubis was vast and padded with fat.

I had an epiphany that night... I know when people are overweight- things get bigger like legs, butt, arms etc ( I am overweight so I can say this). I just never thought about the outside of the lady parts getting bigger!! I guess because men's memberes dont get bigger when they get overweight... I dont know... And the next time I was in lecture with my maternity professor, I enlightened her of my epiphany. I have never seen her laugh so long and so hard.....

The first time I learned that everything stretches with increased weight, it was nipples. These nipples were the size of small plates. I'm a mini girl, had never seen a larger person naked, so this was very surprising.

What's weird, though, is men are somewhat opposite. Their nipples don't seem to grow that large, and in my CHFers especially, the larger the belly, the smaller the member. Genuinely, I'd love to hear the physiological explanation for that.