What cracked me up today

[Flare]

you have to admit, students just come out with some doozies!

I just had one of my little cutie 2nd graders come in and go into a diatribe about how his allergies are bothering him. I explained to him that he could help himself feel better by drinking more, washing his hands and avoiding touching his face but that I could not personally do anything about the pollen or blooming plants in the environment. He got a thoughtful look on his face and said "I respect that." I respect that he respects that!

What cracked you up?

[fetch, BSN, RN]

"I was going to throw a piece of play doh away and it accidentally got stuck in my ear."

[rnsrgr8t]

I am not school nurse but a PNP...

I have a patient I have taken care of for years for bladder symptoms. He is 13 years old and always been a smart alec (in a good way) and I love him to death. I needed a urine speciman for him and he was taking his sweet time getting the cup/wipe etc together. His mother, out of frustration and trying to get him to move takes the cup and opens it, opens the wipe and pushes him towards the bathroom telling him how to get the sample.

Without skipping a beat he looks at her and goes, " You know, this is NOT my first rodeo... I DO know how to pee in a cup!!!".

His mother and I started cracking up!!!

At the end of the visit I said to him, " you know buddy, you always entertain me at your visits!"

He said with a smile, " It is a gift!".

LOL out of the mouths of babes!!!

I had an adorable little 4 year old that had an appointment with me and came all dressed up in a little Elsa costume from Frozen.

Me: "So I bet you like the movie Frozen!"

cute girl: nodding head

Me: "do you like the song Let it go??"

Mom: " Oh yes, in fact we have the CD in my car!"

Me: "Would you sing it for me?"

Cute kid: eyes wide and with a sassy voice, " I canNOT sing it without any music!!!"

Me: "How about if I play it for you on my phone?"

Cute kid: "Then I can sing it!"

I played it on my phone and she gave me an hysterical version of it complete with hand motions. The exam room door was open so our whole clinic came over to the doorway and she entertained all of us! So cute!

[cardiacfreak, ADN]

My patients 5 year old granddaughter was visiting her grandmother, when I walked into the room, the little girl looked at me and then at grandma and said, "Be careful Grandma, they carry shots in they're pockets."i

[coughdrop.2.go, BSN, RN]

We called EMS for a student who had passed out after giving blood.

Paramedic "Have you eaten today?"

Student "Yeah. I had a pretty good breakfast"

Paramedic "Did you drink anything today"

Student "Nah. I haven't have like beer or anything in like a few months" *serious tone*

Everyone in the room: Silence

Paramedic "That's not what I meant. Water? Tea? Soda?"

Student "OMG! Sorry yes I've been drinking water today!" *turns to Vice Principal* "You aren't going to tell my parents right? Or suspend me? Please?"

[ohiobobcat]

Not really medical related, but still makes me smile. I work in a high school.

Student: "We are reading this book in English right now, but I don't really like it very much."

Me: "Oh? What book are you reading?"

Student: " 'The Sun Also Rises'. As far as I can tell, it's not about the sun at all."

Me (trying not to laugh): "Well, what's it about then?"

Student: "It's about a bunch of drunk people sitting around and talking. And I don't think they're ever going to talk about the sun."

And this is why I love my job.

[dinorn92]

A fourth grade student came in and asked to have his temp taken because he felt hot. His temp was normal, so I suggested he take off his hoodie as I could tell he had another shirt on underneath. He looked at me like I was crazy and said: "Well, that isn't going to work. I was already hot before I put my sweatshirt on. That's why I put it on....I was already hot." Love it!!

[scrubsrn24]

Compliments of a beautiful little girl with Down Syndrome:

Student: "I fell down and hurt my knee"

Me: "Well, what do you think you might need?" (expecting "ice" as the answer)

Student: "A new kneecap."

Me: "I don't have any of those, can you think of something else?"

Student: "Yes, crutches."

Me: "How about some ice"

Student: "That will work."

Always love her visits :)

[JenTheSchoolRN, BSN, RN]

This didn't crack me up as much as make :

Student: I think I may be infertile.

Me: Why?

Student: Because I've been having sex for the past year all the time with my boyfriend and we never use anything.

Me: (after a short pause) Were you trying to get pregnant?

Student: No.

Me: Then you are lucky. Very, very lucky.

[NutmeggeRN, BSN]

This didn't crack me up as much as make :

Student: I think I may be infertile.

Me: Why?

Student: Because I've been having sex for the past year all the time with my boyfriend and we never use anything.

Me: (after a short pause) Were you trying to get pregnant?

Student: No.

Me: Then you are lucky. Very, very lucky.

Arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Boy! It is probably only a matter of time.......I hope she is a senior!!!

[bell1962]

A 7 yr old boy just came in, as I was preparing his daily med he stepped on my scale and announced he is 125 gigabytes tall!

[Cackalacky]

I'm telling a little girl's mom that she needs to go home and the little girl asked if she could talk to her mom. I passed her the phone and she says, "Mama, can you pick me up after lunch? They're serving..."

Haha And most kids beg to go home!

Then, this little cutie walks in with a tummy ache and I'm asking him the usual questions and we call his mom. Mom isn't able to pick him up at the moment so he's resting on the sick bed. I ask him one more time, why does your tummy hurt? He gets a huge grin, giggles, and says, "Because I don't want to be at school."

I love when they're honest.

[T-Bird78]

I had a 6 y/o in the clinic...

Boy: "Guess how old I am"

me: "I don't know, why don't you tell me."

Boy: "I am old enough that I am growing hair on my arms."

My son said this to me on the way home from school. He was in kindergarten at the time and he told me he was a man now. I asked why and his reply was "because I've got hair on my legs!"