Unsupportive spouse?

Red Kryptonite · May 10, 2015

You get a job because he tells you to, then he complains, so you quit. He wants you to make money, then sabotages you from being able to do so.

Sorry, I think you married an abusive controller and this will only get worse.

mzrainydayz, BSN, RN · May 10, 2015

Some men are not supportive and just don't want to watch their own kids, while their wife/significant other is bettering themselves. I think some men get a sense of fear, because the woman won't be dependent on them in the future. I was in a similar situation and I chose to further my career and start nursing school. I waited until my daughter turned 4, then I applied and got in to nursing school. Have you considered waiting until your youngest kids reach school age?

I thank God for standing my own, while it has not been easy I have graduated and I am now a registered nurse. My ex would always say when you get your nursing degree you are going to leave me, you won't need me. Long story short I broke up with him the first semester, and put my faith in God. Looking back I don't regret it. I am a single parent of a young child with no husband or parents to support me and none of my family lives in the same city I live. The struggle has been real for me. If people only knew, it seems like I went to Hell and back to get this nursing degree, but I was determined. It seemed like God always made a way for me. I feel your pain, I think you should get marriage counseling first and go from there. I pray things work out for the best for you.

Red Kryptonite · May 10, 2015

I feel sorry for the children in these situations. I wish more women would choose their children's fathers wisely so they didn't have to go through broken families.

In my own case, my dad should have chosen whom he knocked up more wisely. Just to keep it fair.

Anna S, RN · May 10, 2015

I would advise doing your best to not get pregnant again while in school.

Mavrick, BSN, RN · May 10, 2015

Three kids within four years in an unstable marriage. Now throw in nursing school and ....... just no way. Something's gonna give. If you are absolutely determined to go to nursing school without your husband's full support there are going to be three kids in a single parent household within the year.

AlphaM · May 10, 2015

I won't be leaving until I can take care of my children financially without him. Which means I will be finishing nursing school, I've been in school before and without his support so I'll be fine. His support doesn't make or break me. I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced an unsupportive spouse, apparently I'm the only one.

I've seen this so many times, nurses leave as soon as nursing school is over. It's like you are using your husband to reach your goals only to dispose of him after. My advice is to leave ASAP if that's your intention, don't use him to further your career.

mzrainydayz, BSN, RN · May 10, 2015

I feel sorry for the children in these situations. I wish more women would choose their children's fathers wisely so they didn't have to go through broken families.In my own case, my dad should have chosen whom he knocked up more wisely. Just to keep it fair.[/QUote]
When going into a relationship/marriage you want and expect the best, no one chooses for things to fall apart or the other person to act a certain way. Even if you choose wisely the relationship may not work, and that's life. It's all about what works in your current situation. You have to ask yourself can I continue living a unhappy life with a not supportive person for what ever reason, or how do I fix this if not then should I move on.

tytkhat · May 10, 2015

OP, your situation is not uncommon. I highlighted going back to school with dreams and aspirations to further my learning and build my family. I had to do this constantly, not only to stay on task, but to assure my insecure husband that I was doing this to better our family. I also stressed to him that we were to grow TOGETHER, not one party edging out the other. It did not help that he made twice my salary in a WEEK, that I was going to 2 schools and held 2 jobs, did not matter that my young son needed 2 parents to raise him. All that mattered was that he knew what the end game was, and that was to build up our family. What I did not realize at the time was he had no intentions on supporting me and , in fact, was jealous of our son. It was a great day when I finally "woke up".

imintrouble, BSN, RN · May 10, 2015

The losers of this battle of personal ambitions, is the kids.

Too bad nursing school didn't come before the kids.

That's not meant to be snarky, it's just a heartfelt observation.

BellionRN · May 10, 2015

I'm sorry you're going through this. So stressful & heartbreaking to feel unsupported by your spouse.

Honestly, it sort of sounds like he ideally wants you to watch the kids, take care of the house and make enough money to support the whole family so he can ... do whatever he wants? Have you asked him what he truly wants out of your marriage?

RNKPCE · May 11, 2015

I think going to nursing school with an unsupportive spouse would be harder than working as a nurse with an unsupportive spouse, not that either are easy. Just when you have child care and a system in place working well the semester will end and usually the schedule will change for the next semester. Also in addition to clinical you have to spend time outside of class and clinical studying.

Sorry you are going through this. I think your kids are pretty young and this would be hard even with a supportive spouse.

JoseQuinones · May 11, 2015

You are making your husband out to be the bad guy here, but maybe he's just wondering how to hold the family together while his wife goes to school. Maybe you could sit down together with him and a neutral third party and write out a plan. His fears, from my point of view, are legitimate, even if his response to them is not. Maybe you can work this out. If you can't . . . will that divorce make it any easier to go to school?