Unsupportive spouse?

Conqueror+, BSN, RN · May 12, 2015

Just another of the many reasons not to start having sex, moving in together, and generally getting overly involved and entangled way too soon, as has become the norm in our society. Taking things slow gives you the time to see these things and react appropriately instead of ending up trapped because you're already knocked up and sharing a lease before you figure out who they really are.

Where is the double like button? I know the mods are saving it for something special.

lovinglife2015 · May 12, 2015

Eh, tabula rasa has been fairly well discredited. We are all a mix of biology and social environment. Gender differences are neither 100% biological nor 100% cultural.

I didn't say anything about 100% or blank slate. However, leading psychologists do attribute male EQ or lack there of to parenting style and socialization to a large degree.

Are men emotional mummies?

Research does, however, make a good case for the presence of low-level alexithymia in most boys, Levant asserted. For starters, it shows that while boys begin life more emotionally expressive than girls, that tendency wanes as they get older. By age 2, they're less verbally expressive than girls, and by 4, they're less expressive facially.
Research on children from infancy through the school years shows how this can happen, he said. Mothers, for instance, expose baby girls to a wider range of emotions than baby boys, and work harder to control their sons' emotional volatility. Fathers step in to socialize their toddlers along gender lines at around 13 months, verbally rough-housing their sons and talking in more emotional terms with daughters. As kids get older, both parents foster this rift by discouraging sons from expressing vulnerable emotions and encouraging such expression in daughters.

Farawyn · May 12, 2015

This sets up so many alarms with me. I got married just out of high school, with both of us giving up scholarships so that we could stay together. The original plan was that each of us would help the other through school but it would be a one at a time thing. Since he had the better job I would go first. He quickly turned bitter about the fact that I was getting to go but he had to wait. He also constantly made comments on how I wasn't doing my wifely duties around the house, and complained to his parents about it. He especially hated the idea that when I graduated I would make more money than him, and that with a head start on him I would always make more. He started sabotaging my school work by distracting me or making demands and starting fights while I was working on it. My last straw was when he tried to accuse me of cheating on him with someone on the computer and yanking out the plug while I was working on an assignment. Be very careful OP. Unsupportive and bitter spouses can turn into roadblocks quickly and sometimes even abusive.

This thread is meandering, so I'll ask...are YOU okay? What happened in your situation?

kbrn2002, ADN, RN · May 12, 2015

On my first day of nursing school they told us that 50% of people in relationships will either be divorced or in counseling by the time we were done. They also said "your kids will see the pizza delivery person more than they see you. So say goodbye to your families." I get that they were trying to lay the groundwork for how consuming the program could be but it was such an awful, negative and unsupportive way to start us off. The woman sitting across from me goes "well, crap. I really like my husband." ðŸ˜‰

Same here. It was like one of those speeches for people entering boot camp! A loing time ago, but as I recall it went something like " half of you will fail one class, a third will not finish at all. Marriages will fail. If you don't have a solid support system you will not make it."

Sadly this was all true, about half failed at least a semester, about a third either quit or failed and didn't come back. At least two marriages that I know of ended during school.

Red Kryptonite · May 12, 2015

At least two marriages that I know of ended during school.

Well, you know the traditional method of separating the wheat from the chaff was to beat it with flails, right? Pressure separates the good and useful from the waste. It's just too bad people didn't find out until after they'd taken vows. Apparently, at least one of the people involved didn't really mean them.

I mean, honestly, if you can't handle school, you can't handle parenting, the death of parents, financial crisis, medical challenges, car accidents, and all the other crap marriages have to survive either.

allnurses Guide · May 12, 2015

Obviously they're not pronounced because I don't realize it & I don't think most of us realize it.
Next time someone asks you for advice & you give it, think about how you gave it. Was it more on the emotional side or logical?

I was logical. Totally and completely logical. No emotion. :) I'm very involved debating anti-vaxxers . . .you can't go on emotion.

Eh, tabula rasa has been fairly well discredited. We are all a mix of biology and social environment. Gender differences are neither 100% biological nor 100% cultural.

:yes:

Back to the OP, I think her husband should read this thread. What do you all think?

allnurses Guide · May 13, 2015

Is your brain male or female?

jaycam, RN · May 13, 2015

This thread is meandering, so I'll ask...are YOU okay? What happened in your situation?

I'm divorced and live 2000 miles away now. I'm fine now.

Farawyn · May 14, 2015

Is your brain male or female?

This test is poo poo but I took it:

Your brain is[h=1]20% male and 80% female![/h][h=5]Even though it is hard to generalize, you thoughts tend to fall primarily into one category: female thinking. You often find yourself putting the needs of other before yourself and are happiest when those around you happy. Yet, you also have some male character traits which mean that you can be a little resilient at times if someone decides to challenge something that you strongly believe in. You've got a great balance of a patient, loving nature and strength[/h]

allnurses Guide · May 14, 2015

This test is poo poo but I took it:
Your brain is20% male and 80% female!
Even though it is hard to generalize, you thoughts tend to fall primarily into one category: female thinking. You often find yourself putting the needs of other before yourself and are happiest when those around you happy. Yet, you also have some male character traits which mean that you can be a little resilient at times if someone decides to challenge something that you strongly believe in. You've got a great balance of a patient, loving nature and strength

It IS poo poo!! Just thought the timing was funny. :yes: The multiple choice answers were not inclusive enough of differences. It was hard to choose.

I'm 85% male. Or rather, my brain is . . . . :bag:

Ascribing certain things to male/female is kind of silly really - when in one culture something is considered a male trait and in another a female trait.

Who decided that pink is for girls and blue is for boys anyway? Most of this stuff is arbitrary.

No Stars In My Eyes · May 14, 2015

Yeah, what about those tribesmen who wear elaborate facial and eye make-up.....they end up looking like VOGUE models; and they do it to attract a wife!

PS: Oh, yeah, I took the test and my brain is 50% female and 50% male! It said (ahem), "You are an incredibly balanced person." (Preen, preen. :lol2: )

Farawyn · May 14, 2015

Yeah, what about those tribesmen who wear elaborate facial and eye make-up.....they end up looking like VOGUE models; and they do it to attract a wife!
PS: Oh, yeah, I took the test and my brain is 50% female and 50% male! It said (ahem), "You are an incredibly balanced person." (Preen, preen.)

Only girls preen.