Unsupportive spouse?

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Anyone starting or in Nursing School and their spouse isn't supportive? My husband is trying to ruin me going to school from ever angle. Anyone else dealt with or dealing with this? He makes it nearly impossible for me to go to class without an argument and we have 3 children so he always uses them as an excuse.

Specializes in PICU.

On my first day of nursing school they told us that 50% of people in relationships will either be divorced or in counseling by the time we were done. They also said "your kids will see the pizza delivery person more than they see you. So say goodbye to your families." I get that they were trying to lay the groundwork for how consuming the program could be but it was such an awful, negative and unsupportive way to start us off. The woman sitting across from me goes "well, crap. I really like my husband." 😉

I was single when I went to nursing school and was so grateful for that, honestly. Kudos to anyone who finished school when they had spouses and kids. I was in total awe of a single mother of three in our class. It was hard and she got sad that her kids didn't understand why they couldn't have certain things but she persevered and finished and came out with a career that allowed her to take care of her family.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. It's a major stressor that tests the best of relationships. I wish the best for you and your family.

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I'm sorry about your experience and no I will never be able to understand what you went through. You and I agree that no one should be treated like garbage as well. I'm not saying you wouldn't say in person what you posted here. However, that should not give you a pass to make generalizations about men and it's not fair.

You have no idea what it is like to be a minority in the nursing field either, and on a forum that is meant as a means for nurses to communicate it is relevant. Obviously, you have every right to your opinion and I have a right to voice mine as well.

Thank you. You are right that no one should be treated like garbage. But you are also right that it is wrong to make generalizations about people. I'm not a fan of that. When people say things about women, I get my tail feathers ruffled and come back with "Women are not a monolith". Drives me crazy. :facepalm:

I don't doubt that you do. Women, rightfully, won't accept misogyny in the workplace or on AN and men should not accept misandry as condition of being in the field or on AN either.

Again, I agree with you. (Red Kryptonite - sorry, we usually are joined at the hip about things). :inlove:

Lol. I love my husband but I've only seen him cry once. Men aren't as emotional as women. It's not an us versus them but men just can't come down to a woman's level emotionally.

My husband has a sensitive heart and cries - and he's a gruff old logger. Births, deaths, sunsets, etc.

I truly don't think you can say that men are not as emotional as women. Maybe they show it in a different way but they are emotional and they do care.

As to the OP . . . . I think we've all agreed that if this is abuse, she needs to leave. But I've said it before, we are only getting one side of the story and she has 3 very young children to consider. Is going back to school the right thing FOR THEM?

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People do change after you marry them, and for some it's for the better and for others for the worse. In order to be in a relationship with someone you must change and that involves compromise and sometimes putting your needs second to their needs. I can't speak on the specifics of the OP's situation, but it's difficult to imagine a scenario when one spouse/partner would not support another's desire to make things better for the family.

Good Luck and hope things work out for you.

When people are dating they often idealize someone and overlook their faults because the person is attractive, good in bed, fun at parties, wealthy etc... but someone who is selfish, mean, stingy, and irresponsible doesn't become the opposite after you marry them. It's just that when the new and the lust wears off you can see it. Granted people can grow and mature over time but their fundamental self doesn't change after you marry them.

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Honestly her post has many contradictions. One minute she can't take it anymore due to the abuse..next she is going to wait it out. Either you are abused and need to get away asap or you are not and are just making this thing up. What if you wait too long and can't get away?...that is if you are really being abused. It has been long enough and you should know by now. There are shelters everywhere.

Shelters? IF they were to split up, why doesn't HE leave?

And by your post you know nothing about the mindset of someone who is abused.

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Lol. I love my husband but I've only seen him cry once. Men aren't as emotional as women. It's not an us versus them but men just can't come down to a woman's level emotionally.

I think they are emotional, they just show it differently. Or hide it, because big boys don't cry.

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When people are dating they often idealize someone and overlook their faults because the person is attractive, good in bed, fun at parties, wealthy etc... but someone who is selfish, mean, stingy, and irresponsible doesn't become the opposite after you marry them. It's just that when the new and the lust wears off you can see it. Granted people can grow and mature over time but their fundamental self doesn't change after you marry them.

This! this this this this THIS!

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

I think men are/can be emotional just in different ways than women (sometimes). But when it comes to certain topics, sometimes they can understand or relate emotionally.

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Shelters? IF they were to split up, why doesn't HE leave?

And by your post you know nothing about the mindset of someone who is abused.

Usually in an abusive situation we advise the woman to leave, with the kids, and go stay with family or in a shelter if they have no other choices.

It is really hard to kick an abusive spouse out of the house.

But again, I'm not convinced by this one-sided story that there is abuse going on. If there is OP, then leave.

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Specializes in hospice.
When people are dating they often idealize someone and overlook their faults because the person is attractive, good in bed, fun at parties, wealthy etc... but someone who is selfish, mean, stingy, and irresponsible doesn't become the opposite after you marry them. It's just that when the new and the lust wears off you can see it. Granted people can grow and mature over time but their fundamental self doesn't change after you marry them.

Just another of the many reasons not to start having sex, moving in together, and generally getting overly involved and entangled way too soon, as has become the norm in our society. Taking things slow gives you the time to see these things and react appropriately instead of ending up trapped because you're already knocked up and sharing a lease before you figure out who they really are.

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Just another of the many reasons not to start having sex, moving in together, and generally getting overly involved and entangled way too soon, as has become the norm in our society. Taking things slow gives you the time to see these things and react appropriately instead of ending up trapped because you're already knocked up and sharing a lease before you figure out who they really are.

I feel better now . . .. .. we are still joined at the hip for the most part. :up:

Absolutely true that there are red flags during "courtship". Sometimes there are just things that make you not compatible - no one is in the wrong. Just not right for you.

No one (except maybe a psychopath) can hide their true self if you take your time to get to know them (over a year at least) and don't just jump right into bed where, yes, the risk of making a baby before you know if that person is the one you should marry is high.

(Edited to add - you can sort of tell I've been teaching my 13 year old sex ed before he takes the sex ed class in 7th grade). :)

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Lol. I love my husband but I've only seen him cry once. Men aren't as emotional as women. It's not an us versus them but men just can't come down to a woman's level emotionally.

I agree with some of your main points concerning abuse, but let's not generalize about men. Your husband does not represent all men, no 'one' husband does.

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
I agree with some of your main points concerning abuse, but let's not generalize about men. Your husband does not represent all men, no 'one' husband does.

Emotions: Women typically have a larger limbic system than men, which makes them more in touch and expressive with their emotions. Women are usually more empathic and comprehensive in thinking, while men focus on exact issues and disregard impertinent information. Men have a difficult time understanding emotions not explicitly verbalized but can think more logically, while women have a more wholesome view of thinking & understanding but their emotions can sometimes influence decisions.

I know there are emotional men out there but generally the way men think is different from women. Women are emotional & men are critical.

When my husband & I went to therapy once, we talked out an issue. The was I did it was all on emotions & he did it logically. I didn't realize it until the counselor told me.

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