Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

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"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

Discuss.

Specializes in Adult/Ped Emergency and Trauma.

"If I am going to be here much longer, could I get a tray?"

-an "Intractable Emesis" and "N/V/D" patient I picked up at ER report who had been in 27 minutes.

"OH!!!!...and do you think my Nausea Medicine is due yet?" (Same :))

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"My 3 year old pooped 3x lastnight. Today nothing". (Did you call your child's PCP?) "No we came here instead"

The child was up running around. No pain, no change in appetite. Of course at that time the waiting room was full of influenza so I'm sure they'll be back.

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Phone triage call--Pt: I'm (gasp) having (wheeze) an (gasp) ast(gasp)ma (wheeze) attack!

Me: Do you have your rescue inhaler?

Pt: (Gasp)No! It (wheeze) ran (gasp) out (wheeeeze) three months (gasp) ago

Me: Have someone drive you to the ER or call 911

Pt: (Wheeze) I'd rather (gasp) make an (wheeze) appointment.

Me: You need to go to the ER

Pt: (Wheeze) I've been (gasp) short of (gasp) breath for (wheeze) three (gasp) days and it's (gasp) not any (wheeze) better

Me: GO. TO. THE. ER.

Pt: I'm (gasp) on my (wheeze) to you (gasp) office.

Me: You're driving right past the hospital, go there.

Pt: No. (wheeeeze). I (gasp) don't want (wheeze) to wait (gasp) in the (gasp) waiting (wheeze) room for (wheeze) 3 (gasp) hours.

Me: All we can do is give a nebulizer tx and shot of epi

Pt: Can I come (gasp) in at 2:30?

Me: It's 11 a.m. If you're not going to the ER then come straight here.

Pt: I can't make it in (gasp) until 2:30. Work won't (wheeze) let me off.

Me: Tell your boss to call 911 if they won't let you go.

FYI--pt came on in and we treated then admitted to the ER.

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Specializes in kids.

In a high school health office

Good-Can you help me get my clothes washed, my mom cooked garlic and my clothes reek :uhoh3:

Bad-In a high pitched, squeaky voice

Teacher "Does my face look swollen?

Me " yes, are you allergic to anything" all the while assessing SOB and swelling and calling for help

Teacher " Well, I was eating some almonds and my throat began to close up"

Me " Do you have a nut allergy?"

Teacher " No I have eaten them my whole life"

Me "Not anymore I think, here take this liquid benadryl and I am going to give you a shot of EPI until the FD arrives

She goes to ER via ambulance and has another Epi and multiple infusions of prednisone/zantac

Shocking

Studentexplains she has stomach pain/cramping Is pregnant but not due for another week or two. Parent called and on the way.

Student advises she feels "wet". Looks loike she passed her mucous plug. Mom picks her up and taking her in active labor to ER. (I had done a limited visual exam to make she sure she was not crowning before she went to hospital)

Me-I call OB office to give them a heads up that she is on her way.

Office-Is really in labor?

Me -Well she is contracting @3-4 mins apart, her water has broken and she was in a LOT of discomfort.

Office -Well she should have come here FIRST! You dont know of that was her plug

Me- Nope I have no nitrazine paper but she is gonna deliver sooner than later (have prev OB office experience)

Office-Whatever, we'll end up seeing her here anyway, Clunck down goes the phone in my ear

End of story She delivered with in 30 mins of arrival to ER

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Specializes in EP/Cath Lab, E.R. I.C.U, and IVR.

"My doctor told me to come in beacause I have the unstable lady parts"

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Heck no, I meant L Hemispheric Stroke- long day. Whoops- that would have sucked out loud(like my post:)

(

Bahahaha! Sleepy posts are the best. I was just like "wow, they didn't teach me anything right in school! "

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"My doctor told me to come in beacause I have the unstable lady parts"

Snort! I had a similar complaint from an old gentleman with "turrrible lady parts" who took "TNT" for the pain (somewhere he confused medical nitrogycerin with the "blow stuff up" kind!)

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"My doctor told me to come in beacause I have the unstable lady parts"

Haha! I'm going to call the next incompetent cervix I see unstable lady parts.

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Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.
That's not a seizure, that's the macarena.

Thanks, now the song is stuck in my head!

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

I love these stories. They're exactly why I don't want to work ER, but I do enjoy reading them.

On the other hand, I took my 16 year old daughter to the ER when a stick was under her great toe nail. She'd been washing her car with flip flops on, and literally embedded a small stick. Not a splinter. I remember the looks on the nurses' faces until they saw the stick protruding.

I knew I'd get the eye rolling, nonverbal contempt at the window when I explained why we were there. It did my heart good when they quietly removed the tweezers they brought to the room.

My husband offered to get the needle nose pliers from the truck, after several attempts with several different clamps didn't dislodge the stick.:)

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"Midgets are fighting in my crotch."

And what was the medical diagnosis? STD or Mental Illness or both?

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"I haven't been able to get an erection for 6 months." (the pt, not me ;))

And this became an emergency tonight because........? Hot date?

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