Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

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"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

Discuss.

Boston:

A Hemmorhagic CVA who drove herself to the ER, and laid on the horn with Hemiparalysis, 1/2 blind, lost vocal ability, and survived after a clot buster restored her to 90% Motor Function with full vocal ability returning- just some residual R eye sight loss, and walks with a cane now because of slight R sided weakness after heavy ambulation.

Did they treat a hemorrhagic stroke with clot busters? Would that make it worse?

Just curious, didn't know if there were some real world reasons I didn't think of.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Oncology, Epic CT.

When I was a pharmacy tech for the hospital, when I was restocking meds for that floor I (and the rest of the people on that floor) heard a pt scream "Theres an alien coming out of my butt!"

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Specializes in ER.

The good: I have hiccups. Last time it almost killed me. I was intubated and in icu. This turned out to be a true story. The bad: my kid has a yeast infection. She has Medicaid which is why I need a script for her. Other bad: medical screening for rehab: needs a tb and a chest x ray. other bad: requests infant be immunized. More bad: I need Viagra. Doesn't have access to. Primary care.Awful: I swallowed my dental crown. Requesting x ray to locate and assistance with retrieval. (Seriously)

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Specializes in ER.
These are so halirious, I start in the ED this week, can't wait to add my own stories. I do have one story though, from my share day.

A homeless alcholic comes to the ED because he had a seizure. I asked if anyone witnessed it he said no. Then he says" I'm going to have one right now". He holds his arms out and start moving them up and down and while slowly raising his shoulders up and down as well. I looked at him and said cut it out. He then stopped, and continued with his story.

That's not a seizure, that's the macarena.

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Specializes in Adult/Ped Emergency and Trauma.
Boston:A Hemmorhagic CVA who drove herself to the ER, and laid on the horn with Hemiparalysis, 1/2 blind, lost vocal ability, and survived after a clot buster restored her to 90% Motor Function with full vocal ability returning- just some residual R eye sight loss, and walks with a cane now because of slight R sided weakness after heavy ambulation.Did they treat a hemorrhagic stroke with clot busters? Would that make it worse? Just curious, didn't know if there were some real world reasons I didn't think of.
Heck no, I meant L Hemispheric Stroke- long day. Whoops- that would have sucked out loud(like my post:))

Also noted I wrote "a courtroom jester,"...no more sleepy posting-after this one:)Lol!!

There was a hemorrhagic stroke victim I was thinking of, but decided not to put that one. Word associations made me botch that one up good:(

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Specializes in Peds ED, Peds Stem Cell Transplant, Peds.

I was working in a Hospital that separated triage and ER for Peds and adults. An adult came in and I over heard the conversation, so glad I was stuck in my hole so I could clamp my mouth shut and fight off the laughter.

This woman came saying how she heard her friend had crabs and she looked down yonder and saw the bug, she was saying this as I physically saw her reaching down and scratching her crotch.

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Specializes in Trauma/Tele/Surgery/SICU.
That's not a seizure, that's the macarena.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Great reply canoehead! I am going to use this one the next time I have a fake seizure patient!

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Specializes in Trauma/Tele/Surgery/SICU.

An 18 year old who trached a Dalmation following him swallowing a rubber bouncing ball. We plugged site, removed ball he had pushed down deep into the throat- trying to free it(although he did save the dogs life)- and EMS triaged him with an ambulance to the State Universities Veterinarian Hospital. He was our city's Firehouse dog:)

Great story!!!

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Specializes in Med/surg, Quality & Risk.
My child's fever is 99.1 and I didn't want to give him anything because I wanted you to know he was feverish. On Medicaid. Ugh.

~ No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent -Eleanor Roosevelt ~

Yep "My baby's burning up!"

"Did you take her temperature?" No.

"Do you own a thermometer?" No.

"Did you try children's Tylenol?" No.

(Medicaid.)

Gee I don't know why our health care costs are so high.

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Specializes in Trauma/Tele/Surgery/SICU.
"Midgets are fighting in my crotch."

Part of me really wants to know the back story and eventual diagnosis on this one, the other part of me is really afraid to know lol! I think you win for strangest complaint!

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Specializes in Med/surg, Quality & Risk.
These are so halirious, I start in the ED this week, can't wait to add my own stories. I do have one story though, from my share day.

A homeless alcholic comes to the ED because he had a seizure. I asked if anyone witnessed it he said no. Then he says" I'm going to have one right now". He holds his arms out and start moving them up and down and while slowly raising his shoulders up and down as well. I looked at him and said cut it out. He then stopped, and continued with his story.

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Part of me really wants to know the back story and eventual diagnosis on this one, the other part of me is really afraid to know lol! I think you win for strangest complaint!

Person with schizophrenia and an abscess "Down There".

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