Too strong of a personality?

JadedCPN, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2020

Toughen up your skin. People are always going to talk about you behind your back. Perfect the ability to filter it out - take from it what truth there may be and grow from that.

Davey Do · Jul 22, 2020

1 hour ago, CarolineMcGee said:
I am a very good nurse and very knowledgeable in my job and never had a single complaint about my nursing care or abilities.

We are there to provide quality services to patients and not to win a popularity contest.

Get okay with who you are are, CarolineMcGee. You are never going to please all the people all the time. If "you are a very good nurse who has never had a specific complaint, have not had a single issue from (your) preceptors or educators regarding (your) progress abilities care or attitude", take the BS in stride.

If we allow others' opinion of us to be more important than our own, we will never be able to be okay with who we are.

Good luck, the very best to you, and continue to be a "very good nurse"!

NightNerd, MSN, RN · Jul 22, 2020

If your manager, preceptor, etc. all give you positive feedback and this is coming primarily from coworkers, it most likely will have no bearing on your job, so that's good. Have they given you any examples of what it means to have too strong of a personality? I can't imagine in what world that phrase alone counts as helpful feedback, LOL, but I'm very curious! Maybe there's some useful feedback hiding behind this very murky criticism, or there very well may not be. If you care to ask for an example, cool, but otherwise it sounds like you are doing a great job and don't need to pay attention to other people's reactions to you.

Sour Lemon · Jul 22, 2020

5 hours ago, CarolineMcGee said:
I need advice on how to handle a situation at work.
I was a tech on my unit for a year before becoming a RN there. I am finishing up my 6 months of my nurse residency orientation and so far have not had a single issue from my preceptors or educators regarding my progress abilities care or attitude.
Since starting as a tech a year and a half ago I have been told multiple times only by floor nurses never managers charge or educators that I have a strong personality and that I need to be careful and tone it down because it bothers other nurses. I have each time stepped back toned my personality down (side note I’ve never been told I’m being rude or disrespectful and I would never do that the only complaint is my personality is to strong) and I’ve felt like things were fine for a couple of months and yet still get told I have to strong of a personality. When it has been brought up to me it is always in regards to rumors and people’s perception of me never any specific thing I’ve done or said. And I’m up so fed up with it. I have been told I am a very good nurse and very knowledgeable in my job and never had a single complaint about my nursing care or abilities.
What should I do? should I be concerned since this has never come from management and only ever from basically the rumor mill? I just don’t know what to do it’s been a year and a half now of the same thing. I can’t keep doing this roller coaster of feeling everything is fine and then finding out people are talking behind my back.

"Too strong" in what way? "Talking behind your back" about what?

Can you give made-up examples so you're not outing yourself?

Rebel Nurse · Jul 22, 2020

I'm very curious as to what they mean by "strong" personality. You say they're not telling you you're rude, but is it possible that they are and are trying to say it in a nice way? I just can't imagine people making an issue of it so many times if there wasn't something about the way you're interacting (or the way they perceive you are) with your coworkers that is a problem. I'm just saying, I've worked with a few "strong" personalities and sometimes they're strong in a good way and are well liked by all, and sometimes...not so much (they're rude!). Then again, people are petty and it really could be something else, I can't really sum it up from what you've said. I'd hate for you to continue to tone yourself down for the sake of some petty coworkers if you're doing nothing wrong.

If you're doing your job and haven't had an issue there then I guess you don't really have to take their comments into consideration.

JKL33 · Jul 23, 2020

When people say that someone has a strong personality, they are usually referring to an unpleasant type of "strength," like being aggressive rather than simply assertive, or being free with quick retorts (often somewhat smart-alecky or sarcastic) or a know-it-all, or someone in everyone else's business, or just generally domineering.

However, people oftentimes also perceive basic assertiveness negatively, especially when they themselves are meek or unsure of themselves or anxious. That's not very fair.

If you carefully consider your interactions with others, you will know which of these two scenarios is closest to the truth. If it is the first scenario, you could probably recognize a great benefit from making some communication changes. If it's the latter, just double-check yourself, maybe soften your edges just a little and make sure you're working to develop good rapports with your coworkers. Then be who you are. If you really are just more assertive than others (but pleasantly so) then their perceptions become their problem to deal with.

Katie82, RN · Jul 23, 2020

You didn't mention what you mean by "strong personality" - that could be a positive or negative. But since this has never resulted in a bad review or caused mention by your manager or charge, or by instructors, we can only assume that this assessment is subjective. What would prompt them to say this? Could be they are resentful of your success or recognize your strength as leadership skills and feel threatened. Do they offer specifics?

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 23, 2020

I was and still am exactly in these shoes.

While you are going to work to care for your patients and not to be everyone's friend and dear, those talks behind your back happen. In the best case scenario, your manager can be a smart and realistic and value you for being an excellent nurse. At the worst, those talks pave way to sabotage and workplace violence. I went through both and, unfortunately, must say that the worst one is much more common. Nursing culture in too many places is violently anti-intellectual and rejects smart, young and independent-thinking nurses who have temerity to make decisions and think outside of the box. This is just the fact of life. And such situations rarely mend themselves.

If you are concerned about the situation as it is, you might want to analyze your strengths and weaknesses and wishes about your future career. You may be better suited for another specialty where features of your character will truly shine, or you might continue your education. With higher degree and more responsibility, your "strong character" will likely become an asset.

You might also try to become a deeply needed nurse, the one who is the unquestionably best in doing something and never refuses to go and help. It practically doesn't matter matter what you choose to master to perfection - you can become an IV witch, or fix anything that beeps, or take patients nobody else wants. Doing so will take time and effort but it is a pretty effective way to shut up the talks.

LC0929, ASN, RN, EMT-B · Jul 23, 2020

I have had a similar "label" for years. I am never wishy washy, I am confident, not cocky. I have tattoos and have been riding Harley's since 1983. I will advocate for my patients as well as my coworkers, regarless of whether it's a conversation that's "comfortable" for everyone. I call it like I see it and do not sugar coat anything. I certainly don't fit the "image" of your typical, Florence Nightingale nurse.

I have earned the respect of my coworkers, doctors and colleagues. I have a reputation for being one of the best nurses in our rural community, which is a fact that is reported by previous precepters, colleagues and many doctors that I have worked with. By "best" I am referring to my nursing practice, which I do pride myself in saying, is on point at all times. I have always told people that I can honestly say that I may have not been the best wife, Mom, sister, daughter, but I know that I am a damn good nurse. I belive that there is a very distiguished line between right and wrong and I have no problem questioning anyone, whether it's a housekeeper or a surgeon, if I don't beieve that a patient is getting the care they deserve.

An example,: I had just moved back to my home state and had taken a temporary position as a floor nurse in a LTC facility. I had my own "wing" of patients and I did meds, treatments, etc, just like a typical LTC facility. Well, I had 6/20 clients with permenant Foleys and from the time I started working there, I questioned everyone about their "policy" regarding Foley's/leg bags. Their expectation was that these clients would have the Foley bag on overnight and be switched to a leg bag during the day, for dignity issues. Now, I can completely understand this if these folks were going out into the community, but these were clients who basically didn't leave the building. This drove me crazy because one of the first things we are taught is that Foley's are a major source of infection and just the thought of the bags being disconnected, at least twice daily, made me cringe, but when I asked, I was dismissed and told that it was policy. About 2 months into my employment t, 4 of the 6 patients had been hospitalized because they became septic. I questioned the policy, again and was again basically told to shut up and pass meds. Well, that was the wrong answer as far as I was concerned and now I was pissed off. I spoke to one of my LNA's about the situation and found out additional information that just about made me come unglued. Not only was the policy to change out the bags, but they were RINSING the bags, shoving them in a plastic bag and REUSING them ???! I was completely floored, but this practice was confirmed by several colleages, including nurses !! I calmly gathered my LNA's and clearly told them that they were NOT to reuse any bag, at least on my shift. I told all of them that if they feared having a problem, to just come and get me and I would change it myself. Well, of course, I got pushback from one LNA, who I quickly told that if she didn't like it, she could ask to work on another wing, remining her that it was MY license on the line, not hers. She wasn't thrilled and I had no doubt that she would be running her *** up to tattle on me, but I didn't care. I spoke to my direct Supervisor, and he confirmed nonchalantely that, yes, this was the practice.

I had two shifts left in my week, and of course, this situation was bugging the crap outta me, so I decided I'd check into things a little further. During dinner, I went around and collected all of the bags that were in patient's rooms for reuse, put them in a garbage bag and replaced them with new bags, in the package. I didn't hear a peep. Then, after everyone was in bed, I went around and replaced all of the old bags, used during the day. I can tell you that it was horrifying. I took the garbage bag to my supervisor and told him to open it up and take a peek. The bags were not being rinsed and some of them had mold growing in them. The smell was brutal. He didn't say a word, except to throw the blame on the LNA's for not rinsing them. I wanted to snap, but I reeled myself in and calmly told him that I would not allow this to happen on my shifts and that they could deduct the cost of the replacement bags out of my paycheck if necessary, but this wasn't going to continue on my time. I also reiterated this with my LNA's. When I came in the following week, I was called to "the office" and told by the DON that I was to follow their policy, regardless of whether I liked it or not. I quit. When I left, I made it clear that I'd be making a phone call, because if this was my family member, I would be furious. Last I knew, they have continued to follow this policy.

The moral of this story is this: NO ONE likes people who speak up. In any business, which is what healthcare has become, the "squeaky wheel" doesn't get the grease, they get canned. There isn't a person on this planet that can tell me that by reusing catheter bags, they were making a dent in their budget (when they probably cost ten cents a piece) and the fact that any medical professional can tell someone, with a straight face, that this is an actual "policy", speaks volumes for what we are up against.

I am turning 55 in September and have been a critical care nurse for 16 years and it's for reasons like this that I will probably retire. I just can't stand to watch some of the things that are happening. I became a nurse to help people and hopefully make a difference in peoples lives. Unfortunately, nurses have become a combination of glorified waitresses and underpaid therapists for patients and robotic, verbal punching bags for big corporations. This isn't what I signed up for and I will always be the "squeaky wheel", I guess. Anyone can make it in the nursing field, as long as you keep your mouth shut and do as you're told. That will never be okay for me. It just won't.

JKL33 · Jul 23, 2020

1 hour ago, LC0929 said:
I call it like I see it and do not sugar coat anything.

Loved your post. I have a point of discussion, though. I do think that this ^ comes off aggressive more than most who practice it believe it does. I don't know you...but anyone I've known IRL who has proclaimed that they don't sugarcoat things is someone who appears to actually not care how others receive the communication. And I find that less than optimal. It's kind of self-centered and it really comes off as an excuse for being what most people would consider simply rude.

I, too, prefer what I call "straight-forward" communications. I do not like walking on verbal eggshells, playing communication games or "beating around the bush." It's ridiculous and just tiresome. I especially don't like communicating with people for whom there is no acceptable way to present things - these are the ones who have their own personal communication (and self-esteem) problem, yet they control a lot by being so difficult to communicate with.

I've come to believe (and see) that there is a happy medium. I've preferred to soften my edges while still accomplishing what I want to accomplish with a communication. What is lost by doing that as long as I get the desired outcome? Nothing. Yet it offends fewer people. IME trying to combine politeness with being straightforward has simply made it even easier to achieve an outcome because people don't immediately go on the defense.

NurseBlaq · Jul 23, 2020

Define "strong personality".