Too strong of a personality?

**emergenceRN17, ASN, BSN, RN** · Jul 28, 2020

On 7/23/2020 at 7:58 AM, LC0929 said:
"I call it like I see it and do not sugar coat anything."

LOOOOOOVE this. Great post!! I too, don't sugar coat anything. I work at a a very "prestigious" University and it boggles my mind how some of the Residents and/or Doctors think. I don't care what they want to do, they can do that in their own practice.... I will always speak up as we fall under different rules and regulations being a school of higher education. I know that most don't care for me because they don't get to bend the rules with me but I am not here to make friends....

MrsCeeTaylor · Jul 29, 2020

I get told this sometimes as well. I’m not bothered by it at all, since I was never the yes ma’am type of individual. I’m usually told this if I’m asking questions or addressing concerns. Many employers like the employee that doesn’t have much to say & goes with the flow. The moment you respectfully voice concerns or have an opinion, then you’re labeled as having a “strong personality”.

Ribbons, BSN, MSN, PhD · Jul 29, 2020

I would approach one of the nurses who has talked to you about having too strong of a personality and say something like: "I really want to improve myself so people enjoy working with me, and I would like to ask you to help me a little. Would that be OK?" When she says yes (anything else would be almost unthinkable for a nurse, but if she says "no", then ask a different person), tell her that you really aren't aware when you are coming across too strong. You need some feedback so you can understand when you are doing that, and can she tell you some instances of when you did that? Then listen carefully to the feedback, and decide if A) it seems true, and B) if it is something you want to change. You may have learned at home to communicate in ways that are not optimal for the workplace. First you must understand what you are doing that is causing this reaction, then you must decide if you want to change it. If you do want to change, asking the people you are closest to in the workplace to help you recognize what the behaviors are is a good first step. I had to change a lot of the communication style I grew up with because I lived in a family that regularly used abusive and frankly cruel ways of talking to each other. It was very hard to change, but well worth the trouble. Hopefully, you won't have as many offensive communication traits as I did, and will be able to correct whatever the issue is.

BeenThere2012, ASN, RN · Aug 2, 2020

On 7/22/2020 at 7:28 PM, KatieMI said:
I was and still am exactly in these shoes.
While you are going to work to care for your patients and not to be everyone's friend and dear, those talks behind your back happen. In the best case scenario, your manager can be a smart and realistic and value you for being an excellent nurse. At the worst, those talks pave way to sabotage and workplace violence. I went through both and, unfortunately, must say that the worst one is much more common. Nursing culture in too many places is violently anti-intellectual and rejects smart, young and independent-thinking nurses who have temerity to make decisions and think outside of the box. This is just the fact of life. And such situations rarely mend themselves.
If you are concerned about the situation as it is, you might want to analyze your strengths and weaknesses and wishes about your future career. You may be better suited for another specialty where features of your character will truly shine, or you might continue your education. With higher degree and more responsibility, your "strong character" will likely become an asset.
You might also try to become a deeply needed nurse, the one who is the unquestionably best in doing something and never refuses to go and help. It practically doesn't matter matter what you choose to master to perfection - you can become an IV witch, or fix anything that beeps, or take patients nobody else wants. Doing so will take time and effort but it is a pretty effective way to shut up the talks.

LOVE THIS RESPONSE!

others have said it well also. What does “strong personality” mean exactly? Are you abrupt at times? Do you comments appear to be judgmental?

I was told this too. I did realize that my abruptness came out of anxiety when I was feeling pressured by the workload I had. I learned to take a breath and calm myself when I was taking to coworkers.

yes, my patient care was good or even excellent per my managers, patients and some coworkers comments. I was relied upon by many for certain skills I had, but my delivery was not always the best. I wanted to “cut to the chase” and be efficient, but then realized this wasn’t how it appeared to others. As has also already been commented, this ability to think quickly and process complex critical thinking was an asset in critical care .

Also...It’s true that you can’t pease everyone all the time, but still need to be true to yourself. It is important to be on “good terms” with coworkers. Being kind and helpful goes along way. Have you tried to have a gentle conversation with any of these coworkers asking what you can do differently? Can you get some specifics as to what they mean by “strong personality”? Because if you don’t understand what they are referring to, then you can’t know if there is something you do need to improve upon or if it’s it’s simply crap.

speedynurse, ADN, BSN, RN, EMT-P · Aug 4, 2020

On 7/23/2020 at 12:38 PM, KatieMI said:
It is a question to those who are so unhappy about said "strong personality".
I tried to figure it out several times. Usually all "concerns" come toward things ranked from enviable to petty to plain stupid. Someone knows too much, does too much, wants to know too much, asks too much, has a car too expensive, wears scrubs too poshy, closes door the wrong way, eats wrong food for lunch, breathes 0.00075777553 times/min more than we all always do here. And speaks too openly about things everybody else used to turn heads the other way.

Sometimes when people have nothing else to do, then they just want to complain about anything and everything. I know there was a job I was in where people complained that I was “too quiet”. And I got called into the office for that - I even asked what was wrong with my work performance. I did my job, took care of my patients, didn’t make mistakes, helped other coworkers, etc. At the end, I never received an answer. Meanwhile, I started listening to conversations and complaints about others were rampant as well. This is called a department that is petty and doesn’t have enough work ?

speedynurse, ADN, BSN, RN, EMT-P · Aug 4, 2020

On 7/24/2020 at 11:27 AM, kp2016 said:
“Strong Personality” is often used to describe someone who is:
A) basically just a loud mouthed bully who management doesn’t really want to fire because insert reason - very experienced, willing to work a crap schedule, knows how to fix every imaginable problem etc
B) it’s also used against a person who refuses to be a door mat nor allow themselves to be talked down too and treated poorly by management or the clicky bullies. Someone who stands up for themselves and their patients.

The real question is are you in group A or B? If it’s A work on that as suggested by other posters. If it’s B- good for you. In my experience the more you calmly, politely but firmly stand up for yourself the better it gets for you.

This is SO true. I have met nurses that met type A.....rude, unhappy with their lives, a bully, and treated people terribly. Yet these same nurses were extremely good nurses, flipped back and forth between day and night schedules, and somehow managed to smooth things over with administration. I never could figure it out.

The second is true as well. I managed to get myself in the second category at one job.....not because I necessarily did anything wrong but because I refused to change my personality or how I took care and advocated for my patients. I even stopped to think about what I did wrong and became frustrated because I couldn’t think of anything to change. Ironically, with the exception of this one job, I had been very well liked and respected at all other jobs. The difference was this department was very small and wasn’t kept busy.....and this made them create their own problems. The other departments were bigger and busy and just grateful to have someone that worked hard and helped support the team.

mmc51264, BSN, MSN, RN · Aug 4, 2020

I get in trouble because I am "too passionate" about my job.

I hold people to the standards I have for myself. I realize I have issues with being blunt. I have issues with social cues, not great at getting to know people and I genuinely try not be rude or a b****.

I am misread. Even my boss was intimidated by me (I am older and have my MSN but choose bedside).

I work really hard at being more social. I just find it difficult when people don't do their job and it may or may not affect someone else's health/life. I tend to care more about pt experience and safety than I do about someone's feelings.

I don't express myself well, and I am sure that this post will not be interpreted the way I intend.

It's a struggle.

DJSexton, RN · Aug 4, 2020

When it comes to some topics, an simple inquiry can elicit a ton of responses. There are so many examples and advice here it is nearly impossible to find what would actually work for your specific situation. And, "could you define strong personality" is important to clarify as the ambiguity adds to the lack of solution. You will just have to read all and make the best choice - but keep us informed now that we're invested in you : )

Being a male psychiatric RN and police officer, and yes, the authority of a Nurse Manager, you can assess quickly that there may have been a time or two that I have had that strong personality label too. It is frustrating to want to do the right thing, and others seem to opine all too often that, "Oh that's the cop in him talking". And they couldn't be more wrong. In reverse, on the street, they seem to know this cop is different inside - and they're right : )

As a psych guy and a cop, and although not an expert in either, I have a fair share of people experience and am very good at what I do. Now that I manage, I have to be careful to apply my many faces to any given audience in an effort to collaborate towards goal. Assessing is the key to a successful dialogue. In reflection, personal dynamics are so very deep, that it is easier to get it wrong than get it right. Ironically though, in nursing worldwide, we seem to be able to get it right most of the time. The reality is that no one is an angel all of the time. If I were to provide general advice, I would just offer this and hope it helps you in some way: 1) Lead with respect ALWAYS, 2) we all have biases and we have to work to mitigate them our whole career, 3) attempt to see things from others' view, 4) respect that and demonstrate the same, 5) expect the same respect in return, 6) communicate, communicate, and communicate, 7) do not give up on people - there is always hope, #8) conflict resolution is a thing because it is important. People will avoid working with a difficult peer and ultimately that influences patient care - unacceptable!

I am all about team in my span of control. If one staff fails the team, the entire team fails. The same is true for their successes. Behind safety, communication is the second most important element of any unit. Some nurses may elect to eat their young, and if so, I see that as a personality flaw, easy path, poor value systems, etc.. Don't be that nurse. You want to be accepted and team is valuable to you. But you can't change people. Lead by example and kill 'em with kindness as you're smiling all shift. If at work you feel they don't appreciate you yet, you know that we here, do! If anything, I hope you can pull some tid bits from all of these great nurses out here. Good luck!

ThatBLURN, BSN, RN · Aug 5, 2020

"Strong nurse" is what you should focus on. Nurses can be jerks too. They probably see how strong of a nurse you are and it triggers them in some way (jealous because they weren't that way when they started, jealous of your youth, etc.). Do your best not to fall into the trap of gossiping about others, and basically being treated the way you have been. I really believe that it takes time to warm up to most cultures and nurses need to evolve above this type of behavior for a better future in this field. It's best for our physical and mental health as well as for our patients. Stay positive and just try to ignore it. I bet it will die down.

Christie Maness · Aug 5, 2020

My current professor is like this, and I think she is wonderful. It is probably a strong-willed woman kind of attitude. People are just inherently used to women being soft and that sort of thing. Don't back down, be the Hawaiian momma sort of person. They think you are bossy, instead of strong and smart. Maybe be a little more open to other's POV but don't back down IF you are in the right.

ruby_jane, BSN, RN · Aug 10, 2020

On 7/23/2020 at 1:01 PM, CarolineMcGee said:
A definition has never been given to me when I’ve asked nor have examples been given. Everyone who’s said something just says “you have a strong personality and to be careful”. The closest I’ve gotten to an example was being told that asking questions to certain people might offend them. Like asking a nurse if she knew if the medication the patient had been on ended up getting maxed out because I had put the baby on it the night before and he was very close to being maxed out when I left. But to me that has nothing to do with a strong personality and simply just a question. I never call people out or “straight shoot“ about things I’m not happy with. I think I intimidate some people because I carry myself with confidence (not cocky) which comes from having been in the military. But other than interacting with people during report or making small talk with people around me I mind my business because my unit is very clique sand like high school. There is a specific group of nurses that regard themselves as the best on our unit and feel they are smarter than anyone else and I think this is where issues are coming from. but again I mind my business and do my job and leave.

I more so wanted to know if this was something others encountered and if I was missing something. Not being given examples or a definition of how my personality is to strong frustrates me more than anything because I can’t change something that no one can give me clear examples of. But from reading these comments I think my previous conclusions over the year of this being a intimidation issue on other nurses part and not directly something I can control or fix is the most likely reason for the “strong personality “ comments. I have a very tough skin and am not upset per say about this more frustrated and confused. But I just need to remind Myself management charge and my educators have not brought this up so it’s just a gossip mill thing. If it were a true issue I wouldn’t have been hired from tech to RN I feel like.

May I ask: Are you a person of color? And are the people who consider you "strong" not people of color? It may not be that simple.

In school nursing there's a lot of discussion right now on how students of color (specifically Black students, more specifically young Black women) are perceived as "unladylike," "disrespectful," and "they talk back."

I've also heard Asian women being told "You're sure not like other (insert nationality her) women. They're so quiet."

If they can't give you specific examples...I'd still document conversations. I have an 8 1/2 by 11 legal pad where I jot down stuff that I can't chart anywhere else. I write it out as a nurse's note, dated and signed. It's my memory aid so that I can come back and say "on or about July 11..." and indicate that I got a statement (You are too strong) without a valid example.

Good luck!

Workitinurfava, BSN, RN · Aug 11, 2020

On 7/22/2020 at 10:32 AM, CarolineMcGee said:
I need advice on how to handle a situation at work.
I was a tech on my unit for a year before becoming a RN there. I am finishing up my 6 months of my nurse residency orientation and so far have not had a single issue from my preceptors or educators regarding my progress abilities care or attitude.
Since starting as a tech a year and a half ago I have been told multiple times only by floor nurses never managers charge or educators that I have a strong personality and that I need to be careful and tone it down because it bothers other nurses. I have each time stepped back toned my personality down (side note I’ve never been told I’m being rude or disrespectful and I would never do that the only complaint is my personality is to strong) and I’ve felt like things were fine for a couple of months and yet still get told I have to strong of a personality. When it has been brought up to me it is always in regards to rumors and people’s perception of me never any specific thing I’ve done or said. And I’m up so fed up with it. I have been told I am a very good nurse and very knowledgeable in my job and never had a single complaint about my nursing care or abilities.
What should I do? should I be concerned since this has never come from management and only ever from basically the rumor mill? I just don’t know what to do it’s been a year and a half now of the same thing. I can’t keep doing this roller coaster of feeling everything is fine and then finding out people are talking behind my back.

Soften up if the situation warrants it otherwise be the no nonsense person that you are, it will be less likely you will be taken advantage of.