Time Heals???????????(long)

Nurses General Nursing

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I am going through it again. I don't understand why if time is supposed to heal all wounds.

I lost my son to SIDS fifteen years ago, December 28. I fought through the grief and thought that it would never be that bad again. This last week I have been depressed and have no motivation. I just want to sleep.

I work as an OB nurse at an IHS facility. We are really slow. I thought that I was in the Christmas spirit. I put up decorations, bought the gifts, and was playing the music. I was even into helping out others. For the past week, I could care less about Christmas.

I want to see my son and some times think that it would be better if I was with him. I mean it couldn't be worse than what it is now. The only two reasons I haven't is rusty and kala. I could not do this to them. The pain is just about to eat me alive.

I'm not a weak person. I survived addiction and recovery for seven years. I wish sometimes that I was still in active addiction, at least it would dull the pain. I thought that the worse time of my life was admitting that I would never see him again in this life. I want to hold him one more time. I know that that would not help. It would only hurt more.

I am really tired of people saying get over it. That was a long time ago. You should be past this now. I can't dictate how my heart feels.

I am really sorry to unload on you all. I know everyone has there own problems. Just needed to vent.

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

I have learned from the loss of a boy very dear to my heart that each of us is different, and the healing part is only about the acceptance and the waiting to see again phase. It took me 3 years to reach that point. He remains to this day a very big part of my heart, and he always will until I see him again. I'm just waiting to give him a huge hug and to see that crooked grin that was so much about him.

See ya later alligator.

Fran:nurse:

(((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))

There is so much good advice being said on this poster, please follow the advice about getting help, be good to your self, this is what your son would want for you.

Do have a good cry, this is a part of the grieving process.

You are in my prayers. :kiss

Specializes in Hemodialysis, Home Health.

:o ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

So very sorry. Haven't been there, never want to be, and therefore cannot adivse... just reach out and hug you.

My grandmother's first born died at birth. My grandmother was 20 yrs old at the time. When she died at age 90, she STILL loved that baby and grieved her. The love and the loss for people that have gone before us never goes away. Traveling lady, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Let us know how you are doing. Do consider therapy. Hugs, Zudy

My mother lost a baby through miscarriage and never got over it.

I cannot imagine anything worse than the grief of losing a child. My dear mother in her deepest heart somehow blamed herself for the loss. Neither I nor her DH, nor her other living children could convince her otherwise, and it broke our hearts.

Hugs to you and take care of yourself for the sake of you and those who love you. :kiss

Specializes in RETIRED Cath Lab/Cardiology/Radiology.

Thinking of you, and hoping one or more of the suggestions given here will help you get through this. Thank you for sharing. I have lost some dear ones, and SmilingBlueEyes is right, it still hurts, on and off, through the years. Hugs to you.

Specializes in Pediatrics.

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain, although I have never been through such a situation. An instructor of mine who herself lost a child last year gave us the name of a book written by someone who lost his son, called: When There Are No Words. I can't remember the author, but she said it helped her a lot. Hugs to you, and do not feel "guilty" for grieving so long; find someone and just talk it all out, it is so hard to have to hold grief inside because no one will listen.

I am praying for you.

My dad's sister lost her 3 1/2 yr old 30 or so years ago to an over dose of some type of pills.She has never gotten over her grief or her guilt.It has eaten her alive for years.I was a baby when he died,but the family made him real to us because he was never forgotten.she still speaks of him as if he were a child because that is how she remembers him.i have heard people say things like oh he/she would have been 27 this year......trying to imagine them as an adult or what they would have been.she has never been able to get beyond those last days.They say she's not ever been the same.So i can understand your still grieving all these years later.

Specializes in Community Health Nurse.

((((((((((a very warm hug for you travelinglady)))))))))) :kiss You'll be in my heart of prayers tonight. Counseling would help you, so I hope you consider it. I miscarried between my first two children in the first month of pregnancy, yet I still feel the loss. Could that have been the son I always wanted......possibly. :o I lost a granddaughter nine years ago shortly after her birth, and still think of what she would be like had she lived. Her brother is now 7 years of age and still an only child for my middle daughter. I'm sure the pain of losing a child is something no parent overcomes. Grieving is not a bad thing. Grieving to the point of losing yourself in that grief is what needs to be addressed after so much time passes and the person still feels themselves imprisoned by that grief. Free yourself by going to counseling...both individual and group counseling. There are support groups for those in your situation. Please join one so you are not feeling alone in your pain. You need a supportive understanding up close and personal group of people who know the pain of losing a child. If you can't find a group in your area of this nature, how about starting one? Take that pain and reach out to others who grieve the loss of a child, and see that blessing of grief grow into something really precious for those who need you to lead the way. :kiss

I would also encourage you to discuss your feelings with your family doctor. There are many wonderful antidepressants out there that can help you feel better. I don't know your age, but I just turned 44 and am in perimenopause. Last year I found myself having much difficulty coping with life's every day stuff, was feeling down and crying for no reason, felt anxious and panicky a lot. I went to see my doctor and he gave me Zoloft and it's helped me enormously. Please speak with your doctor about your feelings. You owe it to yourself and the ones who love you to take care of yourself.

Specializes in ICU.

Please say yours prayers as I will pray for you also. Do not listen to what insensitive people say. Please get some professional help. You need someone to talk to that is not going to judge you and help you with your mourning. Remember that God Loves You and you are His child:kiss

Specializes in Case Mgmt; Mat/Child, Critical Care.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((TravlingLady))))))))))))))))))))))))))). I am so sorry for your loss, unimaginable, to lose a child...I know it would rip my heart out. Please allow yourself your feelings...of course you're hurting at this time of year! That's OK, cry, mope, sleep, take care of YOU! Sometimes people say things that seem insensitive because they don't know WHAT to say. Other peoples' feelings/grief often makes them uncomfortable, so giving a pat answer is all they can do.

Do make an appointment to speak w/someone, also, talk to your medical provider. Just know that it is OK to feel sad and to still mourn, one never truly "gets over" losing a loved one. Take one day at a time, this season will pass, and, hopefully, you will start feeling better. :)

You are in my prayers.

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