I am going through it again. I don't understand why if time is supposed to heal all wounds.
I lost my son to SIDS fifteen years ago, December 28. I fought through the grief and thought that it would never be that bad again. This last week I have been depressed and have no motivation. I just want to sleep.
I work as an OB nurse at an IHS facility. We are really slow. I thought that I was in the Christmas spirit. I put up decorations, bought the gifts, and was playing the music. I was even into helping out others. For the past week, I could care less about Christmas.
I want to see my son and some times think that it would be better if I was with him. I mean it couldn't be worse than what it is now. The only two reasons I haven't is rusty and kala. I could not do this to them. The pain is just about to eat me alive.
I'm not a weak person. I survived addiction and recovery for seven years. I wish sometimes that I was still in active addiction, at least it would dull the pain. I thought that the worse time of my life was admitting that I would never see him again in this life. I want to hold him one more time. I know that that would not help. It would only hurt more.
I am really tired of people saying get over it. That was a long time ago. You should be past this now. I can't dictate how my heart feels.
I am really sorry to unload on you all. I know everyone has there own problems. Just needed to vent.
