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Time Heals???????????(long)

Posted

Specializes in insanity control.

I am going through it again. I don't understand why if time is supposed to heal all wounds.

I lost my son to SIDS fifteen years ago, December 28. I fought through the grief and thought that it would never be that bad again. This last week I have been depressed and have no motivation. I just want to sleep.

I work as an OB nurse at an IHS facility. We are really slow. I thought that I was in the Christmas spirit. I put up decorations, bought the gifts, and was playing the music. I was even into helping out others. For the past week, I could care less about Christmas.

I want to see my son and some times think that it would be better if I was with him. I mean it couldn't be worse than what it is now. The only two reasons I haven't is rusty and kala. I could not do this to them. The pain is just about to eat me alive.

I'm not a weak person. I survived addiction and recovery for seven years. I wish sometimes that I was still in active addiction, at least it would dull the pain. I thought that the worse time of my life was admitting that I would never see him again in this life. I want to hold him one more time. I know that that would not help. It would only hurt more.

I am really tired of people saying get over it. That was a long time ago. You should be past this now. I can't dictate how my heart feels.

I am really sorry to unload on you all. I know everyone has there own problems. Just needed to vent.

So sorry you're having to go through this, you're doing the right thing by verbalizing your feelings, you don't need to "get over it" you just need to deal with it, and burying your head in the sand won't help, you know that. Get some professional counceling, I know it sounds cliche but trust me, I'm a firm believer that it helps....maybe consider an antidepressant to take the edge off. YOu'll get through this, just use all your resources and dont' be afraid to ask for helpl.

(((hugs)))

I'm very sorry for your loss. I've heard that losing a child is the worst. I don't have any children, but I can only imagine the pain you are feeling.

I want to see my son and some times think that it would be better if I was with him.

Hon, have you ever been to any type of grief counseling or support group? I think you would benefit from talking to others who have been through the same thing as you. Please don't think about ending your life so you can see your son again. I'm sure he's smiling down on you, very proud of you, and willing to wait to see you again.

LilgirlRN, ADN, RN

Specializes in ED staff.

(((((((((((((((((((travilinglady)))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry for your loss. Something you can never get completely over. I don't kno what to say to you except that feel free to vent to us anytime. Call your doctor and talk to him/her. This is a bad time of year. :( Wendy

I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sending hugs and prayers your way. I'm glad you opened up to us here on allnurses...sometimes just letting your feelings out helps you feel better. :kiss

vanburbian

Specializes in ER. Has 27 years experience.

there is no reason that you should deny yourself feelings- they are totally legitimate, and you ARE entitled to them. for one thing, the season is probably doing a lot to remind you of what you're missing, your child.

don't be down on yourself, no matter how many years it's been, just because you are still going thru times in your life when these memories and feelings are closer to the surface than others, your reactions, feelings, etc. are perfectly normal and legitimate. acknowledge them, and let yourself feel~ since you mention your history of addiction, i will tell you that i also used, in order not to feel any longer, we both know it doesn't work. i am betting that you know as well as i do that it's something we have to deal with, and talk about. ASK for help, even if all you can manage is to come to this board every day and vent, cry, get angry, be sad~ thats o.k., at least you're facing it, and that is the secret. don't "hide" it, we all know it surfaces eventually. good luck, and just know that you aren't alone, ever.

VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych. Has 20 years experience.

Twenty years ago this coming March, I lost my second child 7 hours after birth. There is no "getting over" something like this. You can get THROUGH it, you can even get PAST it, but you never, ever get over it. That person will always be missing from your life, your dinner table, but never your heart........you will mourn his loss for the rest of your days.

That said.....PLEASE get some counseling, and maybe ask your doctor about an antidepressant. Life is too short to be this miserable. It's normal to mourn, especially around the holidays or a birthday or the anniversary of the death, but if you are having suicidal thoughts you MUST get some help. I can empathize with you, there is nothing more painful than losing a child........it's against the law of nature somehow.......we expect to bury our parents, not our children. I know there's no one I want to see more than my daughter when I get to Heaven, but I also know she wouldn't want to see ME before it's my time. I'm sure your son would feel the same way!

One more thing: NO ONE who has never felt the pain of losing a child has the right to tell you to "get over it".

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Tweety, BSN, RN

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac. Has 28 years experience.

I'm sorry. I hope you find peace and help soon.

What works for me sometimes when I think of loved ones and friends who are gone is that I know they would be happy that I miss them but they would kick my butt if I gave into dispair.

While your child is waiting for you, what would he say about how you are missing him all these years later. Wouldn't he want things to be better for you during your time here? You would do him no dishonor by being happy, by letting go of the grief while still missing him terribly.

That's just how I deal with it. My good friend Bobby who died of AIDS many years ago would definately kick my butt if I crawled into my grief so bad where I couldn't be happy.

Anyway, that's how I deal with it.

Take care.

healingtouchRN

Specializes in Cardiac/Vascular & Healing Touch.

((((hugs))))

My grandma still cries every Dec 20th over the passing of her father in 1950. She becomes not a grandma, but a child of a father. My grandma still grieves the unborn child she lost through miscarriage, whom she believes would have been her only son. Please reach out to someone near, compassionate friends, who will hold you through this time. I will say prayers for you during your time of sadness. Peace be with you & yours. :kiss

I am so so sorry for your loss.This is a difficult time of year. I hope you can find peace with this.

KaroSnowQueen, RN

Specializes in Telemetry, Case Management. Has 30 years experience.

I lost a child in September 76 and another in May 85. I think of them every year. I lost my infant grandson last Christmas and it makes me sick to think of Christmas.

I'm with the rest of them. You get through the worst of it, but you don't forget and the pain may lessen but it still pops through. Please go get some counselling and some antidepressants.

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

SmilingBluEyes

Has 20 years experience.

I am so sorry for your loss...

It is obvious you are trying to deal with in the best way you can.....I don't know how you get over the loss of a child....or any loved one, for that matter. It hurts for years, on and off.

Time heals...hmmmm I don't know about that. I think our hearts heal with lots of grief work but time does nothing to dim or dull the pain of losing our loved ones.

I am so very sorry. Do you have a friend to confide in at work/home? Someone who will share a cup of coffee with you and just LISTEN as your pour out the feelings you elaborated here today? seek that person out and just let it all out. I would if I could.......I feel awful for you.

Hang in there and yes, do talk to someone, a friend, family member or counselor. you are NOT weak; in fact you are strong to admit these feelings and work through them. I admire you, really. You have my thoughts, hon.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor.. Has 23 years experience.

I have learned from the loss of a boy very dear to my heart that each of us is different, and the healing part is only about the acceptance and the waiting to see again phase. It took me 3 years to reach that point. He remains to this day a very big part of my heart, and he always will until I see him again. I'm just waiting to give him a huge hug and to see that crooked grin that was so much about him.

See ya later alligator.

Fran:nurse:

(((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))

There is so much good advice being said on this poster, please follow the advice about getting help, be good to your self, this is what your son would want for you.

Do have a good cry, this is a part of the grieving process.

You are in my prayers. :kiss

jnette, ASN, EMT-I

Specializes in Hemodialysis, Home Health. Has 10 years experience.

:o ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

So very sorry. Haven't been there, never want to be, and therefore cannot adivse... just reach out and hug you.

My grandmother's first born died at birth. My grandmother was 20 yrs old at the time. When she died at age 90, she STILL loved that baby and grieved her. The love and the loss for people that have gone before us never goes away. Traveling lady, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Let us know how you are doing. Do consider therapy. Hugs, Zudy

My mother lost a baby through miscarriage and never got over it.

I cannot imagine anything worse than the grief of losing a child. My dear mother in her deepest heart somehow blamed herself for the loss. Neither I nor her DH, nor her other living children could convince her otherwise, and it broke our hearts.

Hugs to you and take care of yourself for the sake of you and those who love you. :kiss

dianah, ADN

Specializes in Cath Lab/Radiology. Has 45 years experience.

Thinking of you, and hoping one or more of the suggestions given here will help you get through this. Thank you for sharing. I have lost some dear ones, and SmilingBlueEyes is right, it still hurts, on and off, through the years. Hugs to you.

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