11 Things Your Nurse Thinks (But Will Never Tell You)
Since I've presented my top 10 list of the things I love about nursing, it's time now for a visit to the darker side. Here are some decidedly UN-lovely thoughts I've entertained from time to time:
1) If you yell "HELP!" one. more. time. without a really, really, REALLY good reason for it, I am going to come down there, shut the door, and give you a good dose of pillow therapy.
2) Sure, go ahead and sign out AMA. It's your choice. Just a reminder, though: if you leave, your insurance won't pay for your stay. Better yet, you won't be my responsibility anymore.........and believe me, I won't miss you.
3) I don't give a rodent's rump that you're related to the hospital administrator! The AMI patient down the hall who just went into V-tach needs me more than you need another blanket.
4) Thank you for asking me to check out your grandchildrens' photos, but I have a strict policy of never touching patients' wallets, and frankly, I don't have the time to breathe, let alone stand here looking at pictures of people I don't even know.
5) Yanno, when MY doctor prescribes water pills, I take them no matter how much I hate having to pee every 20 minutes. That's why I'm not in here for CHF, and you are.
6) No, "Mamma" is NOT going to get better, and if I were in her shoes, I'd haunt you for the rest of your days for keeping me 'alive' on a ventilator with my wrists tied down so I don't yank on the tubes coming out of my every orifice. She's had two major strokes and an MI, she's full of osteoporosis, and she has an advanced directive saying she didn't want any heroic measures if she ever got into a situation like this. What part of 'Do Not Resuscitate' don't you understand?
7) Please don't come to the ER for a sore throat that you've had for two weeks, demand refills on your soda pop every five minutes, and then complain loudly to your companion about the "lousy service" you're getting.
?Yes, I have seen something like that before. In fact, I've seen things you can't even imagine that are a whole lot worse.
9) It is NOT my job to: answer your phone/find you some napkins/take out your trash/send out for pizza/pick up after your visitors/run a message to your friend down the hall/go to the kitchen to fetch a tray for your brother/cater to your every whim. (I've done all these things and more for my patients; it's just not what I was educated and trained for, and you need to know that.)
10) I apologize for my cynicism, but experience has taught me that multiplying the number of drinks/pills/hits you admit to having taken by three or more tends to give me a more accurate picture of what's really going on with you.
11) I'm actually a very kind, compassionate, caring individual, but some folks make me wonder if God made man NOT in His own image, but so that skunks wouldn't think they've been given a dirty deal.
Specializes in Hospice, ONC, Tele, Med Surg, Endo/Output.
Love "Viva Las Viejas" post. I have been plagued with heavy- read very heavy pts who are suffering due to high glu, high BP and demanding food requests. I will never tell you- please look into non fast food diet. Lose a bit. Get off your a@#$% and walk. Could you get out of bed without my 2 nursing assistants and me to get you off your butt.? Our obesity epidemic hits us first hand. Work and care for pts. Teach and have students. Boosting them all. Venting sorry. Aching back and hip.
These folks are very immature, anesthetizing themselves with food; and how dare they want me to wipe their **** and they never say thanks you and boy do they smell. so lazy so stupid and they wonder why the world hates them.
Specializes in Hospice, ONC, Tele, Med Surg, Endo/Output.
These folks are very immature, anesthetizing themselves with food; and how dare they want me to wipe their **** and they never say thanks you and boy do they smell. so lazy so stupid and they wonder why the world hates them.
Hey we are some super highly trained waitresses and a** wipers apparently read these posts and it makes you wonder why hospitals would want to stress nurses out even more by understaffing????
One thing i want to say to my so called " clients" is " Hey, look, it is not my fault you are here sick and suffering. You were out there smoking, drinking sugary pop, sleep whenever you want, eat whatever you want. Now, if you don't want those medications and treatment just say it out loud "NO". Don't ask me why you have to take so many of those pills and why your blood sugar is so high.
whoever posted this, i hope to god you aren't my nurse ever. stupid idiot.
nurses like that shouldn't even had gone into nursing. it's your job to do all those things. no matter what it is.
if you don't like it, which clearly you don't get out of the business.
woa!!! hey, first here we can talk to each other and say anything about nursing safely with our peers, not the public. what we don't say to each other are insults like "stupid idiot". that is not acceptable:mad:
if the post offends your tender sensibilities change the channel! and be nice to your fellow nurses that come here to vent, you too will need support one day.
thank-you for the list but I could add some things such as:
Get off you A** and help your mother or father-I am paying you with my taxes(on Medicaidwelfare/disability-pick one-or is living off parent's money)!
No Medicare does not pay for your laziness in wiping yourself-requesting a HHA to come to her home after each BM-this after having 2 rounds of rehab!
This house smells like a third world county-probaly worse than one!-watch the hoarding show-see worse-esp. hoarding animals
Keep on eating wrong and not taking care of your diabetes-soon you will not have to worry about sores on your legs-diabetes will solve your problem!-job security
Yes I will change my schedule just for you and go an hour out of my way just to do you at your desired time!
That's enough for now-The girls in the office think I am nasty and mean but I really am not-just too many years of being treated like crap from too many people-patients, their family and office staff. But I truly love nursing-20 years now and I could have left-have a bacholors in computers. The one bright spot is I don't have to deal with MD!!!!!!
How about the guy who comes into your er with a tennis ball stuck up his rectum, and swears he does not know how it got there!!!! :clown: Thanks...it is so nice to know, we really aren't alone!!!
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
We had a patient some years back, who came into the ER with a screwdriver inserted into his rectum. Can anyone say OUCH? I mean, it was all. the. way. up. there. I saw the X-rays to prove it. What got me was how he said it happened; at first, he told us he didn't know how it got in there.....then he said he slipped in his garage......then he said his girlfriend did it........then he finally admitted he'd done it himself because he was tired of doing "the same old thing" to get his jollies.
Poor guy, he perfed his bowel and wound up missing part of his lower colon, to say nothing of whatever dignity he might have had.
Very funny!!! Thank God I learned to smile consistently through cheerleading. I never thought that would come in handy! I will prepare myself now after reading this post and remember to be thankful for the pleasant patients.
read these posts and it makes you wonder why hospitals would want to stress nurses out even more by understaffing????
:clown: Thanks...it is so nice to know, we really aren't alone!!!
enchantmentdis, BSN, RN
521 Posts
These folks are very immature, anesthetizing themselves with food; and how dare they want me to wipe their **** and they never say thanks you and boy do they smell. so lazy so stupid and they wonder why the world hates them.