11 Things Your Nurse Thinks (But Will Never Tell You)
Since I've presented my top 10 list of the things I love about nursing, it's time now for a visit to the darker side. Here are some decidedly UN-lovely thoughts I've entertained from time to time:
1) If you yell "HELP!" one. more. time. without a really, really, REALLY good reason for it, I am going to come down there, shut the door, and give you a good dose of pillow therapy.
2) Sure, go ahead and sign out AMA. It's your choice. Just a reminder, though: if you leave, your insurance won't pay for your stay. Better yet, you won't be my responsibility anymore.........and believe me, I won't miss you.
3) I don't give a rodent's rump that you're related to the hospital administrator! The AMI patient down the hall who just went into V-tach needs me more than you need another blanket.
4) Thank you for asking me to check out your grandchildrens' photos, but I have a strict policy of never touching patients' wallets, and frankly, I don't have the time to breathe, let alone stand here looking at pictures of people I don't even know.
5) Yanno, when MY doctor prescribes water pills, I take them no matter how much I hate having to pee every 20 minutes. That's why I'm not in here for CHF, and you are.
6) No, "Mamma" is NOT going to get better, and if I were in her shoes, I'd haunt you for the rest of your days for keeping me 'alive' on a ventilator with my wrists tied down so I don't yank on the tubes coming out of my every orifice. She's had two major strokes and an MI, she's full of osteoporosis, and she has an advanced directive saying she didn't want any heroic measures if she ever got into a situation like this. What part of 'Do Not Resuscitate' don't you understand?
7) Please don't come to the ER for a sore throat that you've had for two weeks, demand refills on your soda pop every five minutes, and then complain loudly to your companion about the "lousy service" you're getting.
?Yes, I have seen something like that before. In fact, I've seen things you can't even imagine that are a whole lot worse.
9) It is NOT my job to: answer your phone/find you some napkins/take out your trash/send out for pizza/pick up after your visitors/run a message to your friend down the hall/go to the kitchen to fetch a tray for your brother/cater to your every whim. (I've done all these things and more for my patients; it's just not what I was educated and trained for, and you need to know that.)
10) I apologize for my cynicism, but experience has taught me that multiplying the number of drinks/pills/hits you admit to having taken by three or more tends to give me a more accurate picture of what's really going on with you.
11) I'm actually a very kind, compassionate, caring individual, but some folks make me wonder if God made man NOT in His own image, but so that skunks wouldn't think they've been given a dirty deal.
After reading this I think I'm now going to just make a nice huge pile of visitor room trash on the chair when the visitors leave for a bit. Wish I could place hidden camer to see their faces upon their return! Lolololol!
To the 10 family members in the room....I have 4 other pts to assess and pass meds to in the next hour but sure....I would looove to walk down the hall and refill ALL of your coffees with the exact amount of cream and sugar! Poor things with all those broken legs in one little room! To bad I went to nursing school and not waitress school. Now for the pt who can't walk down the hall and do it...you call me anytime you need me
patient. i can't count the times I.have been.paged in the middle of a syerile dtessing change, a teaching session or sny other actualnursong task to givr Mrs.Jones hotter coffee or to.get anextra pillow for Mr. Jones.
I've been a bedside nurse for 4 years now and I never find these little rants funny. Maybe I'm lucky that the majority of my patients don't act the way you describe. I do my share of complaining with my colleagues, but your post comes off as hateful and arrogant.
Whoever posted this, I hope to God you aren't my nurse ever. Stupid idiot.
Nurses like that shouldn't even had gone into nursing. It's your job to do all those things. No matter what it is.
If you don't like it, which clearly you don't get out of the business.
My 2 cents: these two should be BFFs because obviously the rest of us are too imperfect to be their nurse. There sure is no sense of humor for them to resort to when burn out hits on down the road and the rose colored glasses come off.
As for the OP, I adore this kind of humor, it keeps me sane!
This post is so insanely great. Thank you for saying what so many of us have thought - and for giving me a pretty good laugh after a terrible day at work.
Specializes in Pediatrics, Women's Health, Education.
A friend of a family threatened to wait outside for me after the end of my 3-11 shift because I tried to enforce visiting hours in a double room that had two toddler patients who couldn't get any sleep.
everoo
11 Posts
After reading this I think I'm now going to just make a nice huge pile of visitor room trash on the chair when the visitors leave for a bit. Wish I could place hidden camer to see their faces upon their return! Lolololol!