11 Things Your Nurse Thinks (But Will Never Tell You)
Since I've presented my top 10 list of the things I love about nursing, it's time now for a visit to the darker side. Here are some decidedly UN-lovely thoughts I've entertained from time to time:
1) If you yell "HELP!" one. more. time. without a really, really, REALLY good reason for it, I am going to come down there, shut the door, and give you a good dose of pillow therapy.
2) Sure, go ahead and sign out AMA. It's your choice. Just a reminder, though: if you leave, your insurance won't pay for your stay. Better yet, you won't be my responsibility anymore.........and believe me, I won't miss you.
3) I don't give a rodent's rump that you're related to the hospital administrator! The AMI patient down the hall who just went into V-tach needs me more than you need another blanket.
4) Thank you for asking me to check out your grandchildrens' photos, but I have a strict policy of never touching patients' wallets, and frankly, I don't have the time to breathe, let alone stand here looking at pictures of people I don't even know.
5) Yanno, when MY doctor prescribes water pills, I take them no matter how much I hate having to pee every 20 minutes. That's why I'm not in here for CHF, and you are.
6) No, "Mamma" is NOT going to get better, and if I were in her shoes, I'd haunt you for the rest of your days for keeping me 'alive' on a ventilator with my wrists tied down so I don't yank on the tubes coming out of my every orifice. She's had two major strokes and an MI, she's full of osteoporosis, and she has an advanced directive saying she didn't want any heroic measures if she ever got into a situation like this. What part of 'Do Not Resuscitate' don't you understand?
7) Please don't come to the ER for a sore throat that you've had for two weeks, demand refills on your soda pop every five minutes, and then complain loudly to your companion about the "lousy service" you're getting.
?Yes, I have seen something like that before. In fact, I've seen things you can't even imagine that are a whole lot worse.
9) It is NOT my job to: answer your phone/find you some napkins/take out your trash/send out for pizza/pick up after your visitors/run a message to your friend down the hall/go to the kitchen to fetch a tray for your brother/cater to your every whim. (I've done all these things and more for my patients; it's just not what I was educated and trained for, and you need to know that.)
10) I apologize for my cynicism, but experience has taught me that multiplying the number of drinks/pills/hits you admit to having taken by three or more tends to give me a more accurate picture of what's really going on with you.
11) I'm actually a very kind, compassionate, caring individual, but some folks make me wonder if God made man NOT in His own image, but so that skunks wouldn't think they've been given a dirty deal.
I saw a bumper sticker that said it best to me: RN, my job is to save your ass, not kiss it.
When nurses stop acting like it is our job to cater to patients like they are in a spa, we will get the respect we have earned through education and training. I do not recall a single chapter in my text books about moving your glass 2 inches because you cant be bothered to reach.....or you say "I know you are busy, but my family is here and thirsty". How is that my problem? Then get angry when I am with other patients who actually NEED me, and you have been waiting 10 minutes for ice!...............I actually had one patient in a double room screaming out (yes AOx4)........ that she couldnt hear her tv over the code we were running.........I pulled the curtain back and told her to shut up! Sorry this patient was dying during reruns of gilligans island!........ Sadly, whiny patients are becoming the norm, not the exception.........all because we are treating them as if it is a fancy spa, not a hospital.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
And you'll witness a lot more if you stay in this field any length of time. I'm pretty used to it, but some people are so over-the-top with what they think are their "needs" that it shocks even an old battleaxe like me.
the family members that are loud an disruptive and arguing among themselves, but cant bear to leave grandmas room for to minutes, after all they haven't had contact with her in nearly a year, because they live all of two blocks from her..yea ok!!
I especially agree with # 2 and 6. If you want to sign out AMA, here is the paper and pen. Don't let the door yet you as you leave! I really feel for people that are maintained because other family members can't let go. If that was me, those family members would be haunted for life.
You're right, we "rant" on this forum so we can turn on the charm at work, even when patients are being hateful and demanding to us. It's better to let off steam after hours with another nurse than in front of a patient.
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dezertrose
17 Posts
thats funny!