11 Things Your Nurse Thinks (But Will Never Tell You)

[VivaLasViejas]

1) If you yell "HELP!" one. more. time. without a really, really, REALLY good reason for it, I am going to come down there, shut the door, and give you a good dose of pillow therapy.

2) Sure, go ahead and sign out AMA. It's your choice. Just a reminder, though: if you leave, your insurance won't pay for your stay. Better yet, you won't be my responsibility anymore.........and believe me, I won't miss you.

3) I don't give a rodent's rump that you're related to the hospital administrator! The AMI patient down the hall who just went into V-tach needs me more than you need another blanket.

4) Thank you for asking me to check out your grandchildrens' photos, but I have a strict policy of never touching patients' wallets, and frankly, I don't have the time to breathe, let alone stand here looking at pictures of people I don't even know.

5) Yanno, when MY doctor prescribes water pills, I take them no matter how much I hate having to pee every 20 minutes. That's why I'm not in here for CHF, and you are.

6) No, "Mamma" is NOT going to get better, and if I were in her shoes, I'd haunt you for the rest of your days for keeping me 'alive' on a ventilator with my wrists tied down so I don't yank on the tubes coming out of my every orifice. She's had two major strokes and an MI, she's full of osteoporosis, and she has an advanced directive saying she didn't want any heroic measures if she ever got into a situation like this. What part of 'Do Not Resuscitate' don't you understand?

7) Please don't come to the ER for a sore throat that you've had for two weeks, demand refills on your soda pop every five minutes, and then complain loudly to your companion about the "lousy service" you're getting.

? Yes, I have seen something like that before. In fact, I've seen things you can't even imagine that are a whole lot worse.

9) It is NOT my job to: answer your phone/find you some napkins/take out your trash/send out for pizza/pick up after your visitors/run a message to your friend down the hall/go to the kitchen to fetch a tray for your brother/cater to your every whim. (I've done all these things and more for my patients; it's just not what I was educated and trained for, and you need to know that.)

10) I apologize for my cynicism, but experience has taught me that multiplying the number of drinks/pills/hits you admit to having taken by three or more tends to give me a more accurate picture of what's really going on with you.

11) I'm actually a very kind, compassionate, caring individual, but some folks make me wonder if God made man NOT in His own image, but so that skunks wouldn't think they've been given a dirty deal.

Have a nice day...........

Your Nurse

11-Things-Your-Nurse-Thinks-But-Will-Never-Tell-You.pdf

[RNikkiF]

I've thought all of these except the multiplying thing. I've always 1) been honest about this, 2) assumed my patients are too and 3) thought that it is rude of people to do it

[spaghetti2520]

I guess I'm a lucky patient. I've had some very wonderful nurses care for me in the hospital. Most come in my room and thank me for being so nice. They always say I love coming to your room. You never yell at me or demand ridiculous things. And one time my nurse did answer my phone. Not because I asked her too, but because I had just got settled into my chair and didn't have my phone on the table yet. She answered it for me and even asked if I wanted to talk to the person on the line. Treat your nurses well and they will treat you even better in return. And every time I get out of the hospital, I send them an Edible Arrangements gift basket. They love they get something besides candy :-)

I know how hard it is to be a nurse. I have 3 close friends that are all nurses in different areas of care.

[1indat]

Not a fan of this post. I have been a nurse a very long time with about 20 years in the ICU environment. When you think about just how sick someone has to be just to be admitted into the hospital along with the never ending barrage of tests and constant interruptions, is it any wonder that people may not be at their best? In my experience, there have been extremely few patients and/or families that were truly difficult to deal with.

[sarose611]

Work out on the floor, when they are no longer critical, have visitors all day, and think they are "well." Having worked both ICU and various med-surg

floors, I promise its a very different atmosphere..

[Joe V]

Ouch.

This had me cracking up.

[Allan Mc]

HaHa. I have thought and said every single one of these things (and worse). I have to say you were pretty nice about it. Friends and family who aren't nurses think I am evil if I say stuff like that. If they only knew that there are thousands of us that think that way.

It is sad because the people who whine and complain the most are in the best shape on the floor. In fact some my favorite patients to take care of are the para/hemiplegics. I won't say which ones are the worst. They often need you the most and ask the least, without complaining (even when they should). Sometimes I just want to bring the whiny patients in the rooms with the worse off patients just to show them that when they get to that point they can whine all they want, then I'll be sympathetic and apologetic and that their complaining are causing us give less care to the ones who need it and deserve us most. Wow. I kind of went off didn't I???

My wife is a R hemiplegic due to a stroke 20 yrs ago. Unfortunately she got an infection last week and had to go to hospital for the first time in a few years. The staff from Ambulance, ER, ward, catering, cleaners could not have been better. Lesley spent 7months in hosp/rehab before she came home initally. Then she went back a year later for another 3 months then a year later for 2 months. I was there nearly every day except when I got a cold so I have seen a lot of drs, nurses and all the other staff that make a hospital work. We have had a number of minor issues and only one major issue.

I have made a point of taking a cake or box of chocolates to the staff to say "Thank You".

I have also seen the families that you talk about. The ones who think the hospital is a 5star hotel and ALL the family are entitled to room service.

It reminds me of a quote from a trainer at a 1st aid course I did years ago. "Go to the patients that aren't screaming 1st because they are unconscious or dead. The ones that are yelling can wait, at least a little while because they are still breathing."