11 Things Your Nurse Thinks (But Will Never Tell You)
Since I've presented my top 10 list of the things I love about nursing, it's time now for a visit to the darker side. Here are some decidedly UN-lovely thoughts I've entertained from time to time:
1) If you yell "HELP!" one. more. time. without a really, really, REALLY good reason for it, I am going to come down there, shut the door, and give you a good dose of pillow therapy.
2) Sure, go ahead and sign out AMA. It's your choice. Just a reminder, though: if you leave, your insurance won't pay for your stay. Better yet, you won't be my responsibility anymore.........and believe me, I won't miss you.
3) I don't give a rodent's rump that you're related to the hospital administrator! The AMI patient down the hall who just went into V-tach needs me more than you need another blanket.
4) Thank you for asking me to check out your grandchildrens' photos, but I have a strict policy of never touching patients' wallets, and frankly, I don't have the time to breathe, let alone stand here looking at pictures of people I don't even know.
5) Yanno, when MY doctor prescribes water pills, I take them no matter how much I hate having to pee every 20 minutes. That's why I'm not in here for CHF, and you are.
6) No, "Mamma" is NOT going to get better, and if I were in her shoes, I'd haunt you for the rest of your days for keeping me 'alive' on a ventilator with my wrists tied down so I don't yank on the tubes coming out of my every orifice. She's had two major strokes and an MI, she's full of osteoporosis, and she has an advanced directive saying she didn't want any heroic measures if she ever got into a situation like this. What part of 'Do Not Resuscitate' don't you understand?
7) Please don't come to the ER for a sore throat that you've had for two weeks, demand refills on your soda pop every five minutes, and then complain loudly to your companion about the "lousy service" you're getting.
?Yes, I have seen something like that before. In fact, I've seen things you can't even imagine that are a whole lot worse.
9) It is NOT my job to: answer your phone/find you some napkins/take out your trash/send out for pizza/pick up after your visitors/run a message to your friend down the hall/go to the kitchen to fetch a tray for your brother/cater to your every whim. (I've done all these things and more for my patients; it's just not what I was educated and trained for, and you need to know that.)
10) I apologize for my cynicism, but experience has taught me that multiplying the number of drinks/pills/hits you admit to having taken by three or more tends to give me a more accurate picture of what's really going on with you.
11) I'm actually a very kind, compassionate, caring individual, but some folks make me wonder if God made man NOT in His own image, but so that skunks wouldn't think they've been given a dirty deal.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
After dealing with a "Hovercraft" family recently whose loved one was in our Hospice room---supposedly on a five-day respite---I've come up with a new one:
"Why on earth would you waste good money to bring your Mom here if you are going to be here 24/7 and won't let us assess her, put oxygen on when she's clearly suffocating, medicate her, reposition her, or even offer food and fluids? And then when she's obviously on her way out, why are you panicking and screaming "come in here NOW, she can't breathe, she's turning blue!" and accusing us of neglecting her?!" :angryfire:angryfire:angryfire
It would be great to say SOME of the things that go thru your mind in the course of the day like " your mom BS is 513 but I'M sure the large triple thick chocolate shake you sneeked in had nothing to do with it". I just can't decide if I would start by room #, alphabetical order or order of irritation
That was hilarious. :chuckle I am not a RN yet so its good to know these things. I'm sure there are many annoying things you have to deal with. I usually don't have a reason to be a patient in a hospital but next time I am, I will make sure to be a little bit nicer to my RN. I think that sometimes people go into a hospital and think its a five star hotel or some sort of pampering spa. It is not that. Some people may think its a break away from the sress of their everyday lives. I will keep all this in mind when I eventually land a job as a RN. I must get back to studying now for my anatomy and physiology exam. 19 more months left to go of nursing school!
Everything you have said is pretty much true, and gave me a good laugh. I am sure that most nurses and nurse aides would completely agree with you. Most of the time, I handle these situations with a smile and kindness (while I am laughing at the ridiculousness of it on the inside). I figure a nurses' salary is enough to compensate for these minor things. We all learn in clinicals that these are things we will likely deal with on a daily basis, so I think for the most part, we know what we are coming in to. Alot of people are needy in the hospital because they are out of their normal environment and don't have their loved ones around. Perhaps they may be an older individual who lives at home alone and he or she merely enjoys the attention that they never get. So, maybe these incidences aren't so ridiculous. If it gives my patient comfort and happiness, I'm happy to help. As well, we can communicate these issues tactlyfully or in a playful manner to our patients. If people communicated more effectively, we would all likely have a lot less problems.
I was surprised when I had all these nasty thoughts my first few months in med/surg. So good to read I'm normal for thinking the same way! And it really does help me get through my day
OMG ! OMG ! after my third crazy night in a row and dealing with that one "special" patient who made me feel all these feelings(and i felt guilty abt my feelings) your post is a relief that I am not "evil" for having those thoughts run into my mind:bow:......loved ur post....I just joined allnurses today and been a nurse for over an year now and work on a step down unit.....
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Welcome!!:wlcmggrp:
No, you are NOT 'evil' for having bad thoughts. I've had my share of times when I've had an ugly thought about a particularly unpleasant patient and said to myself, "Oh, I'm gonna go to Hell for that one!" In fact, I've been dealing with a resident for a couple of months now who smelled like cat dirt and had a disposition to match. Mercy, that man was a pill---he was physically combative and verbally abusive, plus he refused bathing and incontinence care, and on top of it all he chewed tobacco and spit it everywhere.........altogether one of the most difficult characters I've taken care of in many moons.
Then, suddenly late last week, he developed some sort of fulminant pneumonia and went downhill so fast no one really knew what hit him. He was sent to the hospital on Saturday, officially discharged from the nursing home on Sunday, and by this morning he was dead. Shocking? Yes. Surprising? Not really......the man was 90-some years old and it was his time, that's all.
But even though the unit is far quieter and more relaxed now than when we spent his every waking moment on tenterhooks, wondering when he'd have another one of his violent outbursts, I find myself missing him, if only a little. He was my challenge, my 'project', as it were, and I'd gotten some of his worst pain and dementia symptoms under control with help from his doctor and family. In fact, I'd even gotten him to stop beating the hell out of the CNAs and earned some grudging respect from him by handling him gently and listening to him when he had complaints.
Now I'll never really know if I made a difference or not; maybe it was too little, too late. All I know is, when I had prayed to God to help me deal with this man in a loving manner rather than avoiding him as much as possible because he repulsed me so much, I became able to see his humanity under the unattractive exterior and the rudeness, and after that nothing was the same. Maybe if I'd had more time to work with him......maybe if I could have brought others along with me in seeing that more attention was given to him...........who knows?
Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.
I actually said this the other day and I could not believe I said it but I just could not take it a minute longer. Either this guy was going to stop or I was going to have to go back and steal some Valium. This patient 40 something year old guy, drug user, heavy smoker, got a really bad pneumonia and ended up having to have part of one lung removed. He had a trach and so we placed him in the bed right at the nurses station so I could see him at all times. I am the charge nurse and my seat where I sign off the orders is in line of site of this bed. In any case, he got into this habit of banging on the bed rails when he wanted something instead of using the call light. Well at first, I did not think much about it, someone would go in and help him etc. no big deal. But as it went along it got worse and worse until he was banging on those rails non stop (and I guarantee you that people were in there all the time helping him). It was little stuff, move my cup, move my pillow (his arms and hands were working by the way). Well one night I just could not take one more minute. I went in there and told him "Do not ever touch these bed rails again unless one of two things is happening. If you cannot breath, bang on the rail. If you are bleeding to death, bang on the rail, otherwise you use this call light. Don't let me catch you banging on those rails again or I am going to move you to a place on this floor where no one can hear you!!!". And that was the end of that. It was mean I know. My back was hurting and I was just frustrated. I hope the Good Lord forgives me.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I know that feeling, Diane. It's one thing when confused/demented patients yell and bang on their bedrails to get attention; it's whole 'nother annoyance when someone who's still got all (or most) of his/her marbles does those things. To my mind, this is inexcusable in someone who's A & O X 3, and I refuse to play their games.
We have a very sharp but bad-mannered resident from another wing of my facility who will sit in the main dining room all day and late into the evening, periodically banging her coffee cup on the table and screaming at anyone who passes by: "Gimme more coffee!!" Most of the time I can ignore this behavior, but last week she really got on my last nerve---I'm not even 'her' nurse, let alone some schmo who exists just to pour coffee every five minutes---and I finally let her have it.
"Bessie, you obviously have me confused with a waitress," I told her after about the fifth time she'd demanded I refill her cup. "I am a NURSE, and I don't have time to serve coffee. Besides, I don't do things for people who scream at me and demand I wait on them hand and foot, instead of asking nicely and saying 'please' and 'thank you'." And I turned on my heel and left.
She hasn't yelled for coffee since........and I don't feel the least bit guilty!
When I was 16 I had to get my appendix out. I knew the nurses were so busy with other patients that night that I actually felt REALLY bad pushing the button to have them help me to the bathroom. Every single time they came in I was apologizing saying I'm so sorry I have to pee like every half hour. It got to a point where I would get up out of bed and bring myself to the bathroom. My heart definitely goes out to every single nurse, they work so hard, and so many patients treat them badly, and act like they are their personal servant.
ronie
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Very therapeutic reading for all of us who have these thoughts and who might feel horrible about ourselves. Breathe; you are not a bad nurse.