Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.
ummmm.......how, exactly, do those things get into your bladder?

the same way a catheter does, i assume. and i thought it would hurt when a foley balloon was ripped out while inflated!

if urethras could talk...

*~jess~*

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Specializes in Critical Care, Flight Nurse, ER.

I had a 35 year male patient who's "CNA" girlfriend did that to him. I open up the curtain, there is blood EVERYWHERE.. I just stared dumbfounded for a moment and asked her "WHAT THE @$#T#$T! Did you just do???" her reply... Well, he's being discharged I just thought I would take his catheter our for him. The guy looks at me as says.. Is this bad man? I did all I could to keep from laughing when I straight faced told him ... "Man, she just broke your pride and joy.. you're gonna be really happy on days you sneeze and don't pee all over yourself, and you'll be even MORE thrilled if you can manage to get it up in the next 6 months." We got Urology consulted to come and see him... I told the urologist what transpired and what was said.. and being the evil minded sould he was... he got a REALLY evil smirk on his face.. walked to the bedside.. did the cysto, and kept going. hmmmmm...ooooooooooo .. ohhmyyyyyyyyy... then laid it on thicker than I could EVER lay it on. the girlfriend was crying.. the guy was moanin "you broke my D*** .. .you Broke my D*** over and over...

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I had a 35 year male patient who's "CNA" girlfriend did that to him. I open up the curtain, there is blood EVERYWHERE.. I just stared dumbfounded for a moment and asked her "WHAT THE @$#T#$T! Did you just do???" her reply... Well, he's being

discharged I just thought I would take his catheter our for him. The guy looks at me as says.. Is this bad man? I did all I could to keep from laughing when I straight faced told him ... "Man, she just broke your pride and joy.. you're gonna be really happy on days you sneeze and don't pee all over yourself, and you'll be even MORE thrilled if you can manage to get it up in the next 6 months." We got Urology consulted to come and see him... I told the urologist what transpired and what was said.. and being the evil minded sould he was... he got a REALLY evil smirk on his face.. walked to the bedside.. did the cysto, and kept going. hmmmmm...ooooooooooo .. ohhmyyyyyyyyy... then laid it on thicker than I could EVER lay it on. the girlfriend was crying.. the guy was moanin "you broke my D*** .. .you Broke my D*** over and over...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :yeah:

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While floating to the ED last night, I learned from my Morphine-allergic, 10/10 "all over" pain, q1 visit-per-month patient that you can INDEED draw "Dilantin levels" from veins in your feet...and legs...and neck - several times a week. I also learned that the "nurse" at the clinic who does this must not know what she's doing, cause just look at this nasty cellulitis in his arm! Daggone. Glad I don't need those levels!

I ALSO learned that "Pepsi" can blow your pupils to a 6 and make you jittery with a flight of ideas. So THAT'S what I've missed in all of these years of drinking Sprite.

And to top it off, I learned that you can't be pregnant, because you had sex when you were high, and the Heroin kills the sperm. Right?

Someone tell me why we do this...

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Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.
someone tell me why we do this...

so we breeze through to the finals of last comic standing?

*~jess~*

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Specializes in Critical Care, Flight Nurse, ER.

I think they would disqualify us as being "professional" comics.. lol:jester:

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I saw this earlier today on a non-nursing website.

Do not iron your blouse topless, without a bra, because you might bend over and burn your nipple on the iron.

:no:

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Specializes in Critical Care, Flight Nurse, ER.

YOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWw:uhoh21::rolleyes:

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Don't drink a poop cocktail :eek:......(Saw a psychotic patient do it and I don't ever want to see it again...):no:

That is truly disturbing...:no:

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Specializes in Oncology, Cardiology, ER, L/D.
I have never laughed so hard in my life!!! Some of these people....

I'll share a few good lessons that my patients have taught me.

Always remember ladies, there is puppy formula at any veteranarians office in a case where your pet doberman cannot nurse her own puppies. Your 3 month old will not appreciate that she shared your breast with 5 puppies. And not to mention, puppies have sharp little teeth that may end up causing you a terrible case of mastitis that will forever alter the appearance of your goods.

I'm very fortunate that these people were around so I could learn from thier mistakes.... where would I be without them????

OMG! The visual image that just popped in my head! Sounds like a video on YouTube ....from hell!:lol_hitti

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Specializes in ICU.
I saw this earlier today on a non-nursing website.

Do not iron your blouse topless, without a bra, because you might bend over and burn your nipple on the iron.

:no:

OMG how big, or shall I say, how LONG were her boobies??

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Specializes in MSICU.

never drink gasoline..

no matter how much you want vodka.

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