Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in CVICU.

Do not get HIV from your current partner and then get impregnated by your former partner without telling him that having sex with you is going to kill him. Do not have a baby then forget to tell the doctors that you have a deadly disease, allowing them to discover this in four months when it is too late to treat the baby effectively. Do not then let your former partner impregnate his CURRENT girlfriend, thus forming a sick quadrangle of HIV infection that only two people know about.

Hhaaha, something similar:

Do not have sex with the same man that your daughter, your daughter's friend, and some random gay guy are all having sex with. You will get chlamydia (or something worse)! All of these people came up to me together to check into the ER for an STD check!

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Specializes in CVICU.

If you just bought a new stereo, but can't afford speaker wire, don't fish some out of the dumpster. It might just be detonation cord, which will explode the first time you turn your stereo on, and you will have 59 easy payments left on the shrapnel embedded in your a$$.

LMAO, that's hilarious!

You know that cute little ceremonial cannon that they use on the parade ground? Two drunks shouldn't try to push it uphill. It's heavier then it looks, and will roll back downhill when those two drunks lose their footing.

Hhahaa, I have a similar one:

After drinking and having a BAC of 400, never put your friend in a shopping cart and then also jump in to ride it down the hill!

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Specializes in CVICU.

:eek: And my all time favorite...do not inject your own urine to get high from the byproducts of the narcotics you've stolen from the ER. Especially when you are on duty and working in the ER as a NURSE!

OMG! That's abhorrent!

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Specializes in Med/Surg.

A female pt requiring emergency surgery for removal of a toothbrush and a condom from her BLADDER.........go figure!

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Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.
hhaaha, something similar:

do not have sex with the same man that your daughter, your daughter's friend, and some random gay guy are all having sex with. you will get chlamydia (or something worse)! all of these people came up to me together to check into the er for an std check!

i just threw up in my mouth. when i found out that my boyfriend at the time had kissed a couple of my friends years before we were together, i felt gross.

now i feel somewhat better...

*~jess~*

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Specializes in NICU.
A female pt requiring emergency surgery for removal of a toothbrush and a condom from her BLADDER.........go figure!

OW. OWIEEEEEE.

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Don't drink a poop cocktail :eek:......(Saw a psychotic patient do it and I don't ever want to see it again...):no:

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Me. Too.:rolleyes:

Me 3.....

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Specializes in Critical Care, Flight Nurse, ER.

:D

Never stick your member in a lotion bottle (yes, it may get stuck). On the same subject, never do this and then pass out with the lotion bottle still stuck on your member.... (Darwin award candidate for sure!)

LOLOL... DON'T be the guy who's member is SMALL ENOUGH to fit in a lotion bottle....:cool:

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A female pt requiring emergency surgery for removal of a toothbrush and a condom from her BLADDER.........go figure!

Ummmm.......How, exactly, do those things get into your bladder?

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Specializes in Critical Care, Flight Nurse, ER.

Any girl who can pull that off SCARES the Bajeezus outta me... lol

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Ummmm.......How, exactly, do those things get into your bladder?

Verrry carefully!!:chuckle

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