Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

[Trixxy]

Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary!

Anybody got anything to add?

[Spritenurse1210, BSN, RN]

Dont try to Cover for your psycho pregnant girlfriend who stabbed you multiple times in the stomach and chest. She meant to kill you and you are fooling noone. There is no way you stabbed yourself that many times. Dont be shocked when you wake up c three chest tubes and a pericardial tube s bowel sounds and are yaking up green liquid after we told you npo means nothing at all. Dont try to off yourself by hanging from your ceiling by a rope 10 feet up and when ems cuts you down your leg will break. You will wake up trached and vented as well a strapped to a hospital bed. (both true)

[kbnocturna]

one question: How???

Just a guess, without being too graphic, fingers, and other smaller body parts? And what about all those cucumbers and other things in the dark nether regions that I've read about in this thread. No one said that the penetrating object had to a part of a woman's native anatomy.... :uhoh21:

[rph3664]

Don't stick a mayonnaise jar up your butt.

A co-worker, upon hearing about this, said, "What would possess a person to do that?" There was also some discussion regarding whether the procedure to remove it would be covered by insurance.

[Biol20fan]

When you are going to have abdominal surgery, don't worry about cleaning out your umbilicus. Really. It's okay. We'll just bill the ten q-tips and four gauze pads to your account.

[crzysmmrgirl5]

This is a call my EMT boyfriend went on. Never get out of the shower and go downstairs to fix the garbage disposal. When on all fours naked don't forget that you just got a new little kitten who likes to play with things that dangle. The kitten will then latch on and bite your scrotum causing you to jump and hit your head on the steel pipe underneath the sink. Needless to say the man wanted to get rid of the new little kitten.

[tomato1106]

Maybe she was planning an anniversary? Ya know...that's common...returning to the place where it all started.

i am reading this during nursing class ... yeah i'm a good student. I snorted I was laughing so hard. I have tears running down my face.:w00t:

[rph3664]

This is a call my EMT boyfriend went on. Never get out of the shower and go downstairs to fix the garbage disposal. When on all fours naked don't forget that you just got a new little kitten who likes to play with things that dangle. The kitten will then latch on and bite your scrotum causing you to jump and hit your head on the steel pipe underneath the sink. Needless to say the man wanted to get rid of the new little kitten.

:lol_hitti

That HAD to be true! You can't make things like that up!

[talaxandra]

Never continue to inject insulin into the same abscessed spot on your thigh, and then debate about getting it checked out when you begin to see chunks of fat and a glimpse of bone on your thigh

Don't think that a hernia is nature's way of telling you where to inject your QID insulin, especially if you have an extensive history of bowel surgery and obstruction - you could end up with not one, not two but seven faeco-cutaneous fistulas

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

Never underestimate the strength of an 85 lb, 93 year old Alzhemier's woman who wants her chewing tobacco, when you have been instructed by the nurse not to let her have it.

:hhmth::hhmth::nmbrn::lol::fnypst::yelclap::rotfl:I love it!!!

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

That kitten thing has been making the email rounds for at least a year. It may be true, but it's been around for a while.

[britgirl37]

Never insert a light bulb in your rectum for kicks during sex.

[Biol20fan]

Never insert a light bulb in your rectum for kicks during sex.

Oh my...so looking like your behind is having a great idea really isn't a great idea?

Was this person at least environmentally aware enough to use a CFL?