Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

grace90, LPN, LVN · Feb 9, 2008

Don't ring your light 3 times to have the PCA tell me you're nauseated. I heard you the first time, which was only 5 minutes ago.

I'll get to calling for your Zofran when I make sure my HTN pt isn't gonna stroke out with an SBP >220 and my hypotensive septic patient with temp 103.9 isn't going to tank on me.

And PLEASE, when I finally get everyone stable enough to call your doc, I sure as (a lake of fire) ain't gonna believe you when I run in your room breathless and apologizing, IV Zofran in hand, just to find you chomping down a Champ burger from Checker's. Nothing the rest of the night that you say will sound credible. :angryfire :uhoh3:

(there, I feel better)

Granolagirl17 · Feb 10, 2008

I have learned that sometimes, no matter what you try, you will actually have to (gasp!) wait to be seen in an ER, especially if you come in with a non-lifethreatening condition... (a dog bite from your dog that happened three days ago and you don't want to have to "wait" to see your regular doctor)

Ranting and raving about the fact that "I was here first!" does nothing to sway the triage nurse (although at first she will try to explain why the person arriving by EMS with an active MI had priority)

And it doesn't help to call 911 from the payphone down the hall from the ER in the hospital....

And it still doesn't help to call 911 from the payphone a block away from the corner grocery store - and if you do, don't be dumb enough to explain that you just left the ER and you want to go back in a stretcher so you don't have to wait - especially when you are wearing the triage bracelet from said ER and the 911 is hospital based - that was the only 1 of 2 times I know of that the paramedic got the "all clear" to NOT transport the patient....

And it even still doesn't help to call 911 from your home, 30 minutes later (especially when you are still wearing the triage bracelet from the ER and as luck would have it, the same paramedic and partner show up at your home - that would be 2 of 2 that permission to decline transport was issued) :nono:

Mrs.A · Feb 10, 2008

Ok, I was laughing but "accidently" losing the goldfish just killed me.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Feb 10, 2008

Anything that is over two days old and "just needs to be checked" will be waiting. doesn't matter if you were here first, or if it will only take the doctor a minute.

That last one always gets me- if it's just a little thing, and will only take a minute, what the heck are you still doing here in the EMERGENCY room? And why are you crabbing at me if you already know all the answers?

arual56 · Feb 10, 2008

Please be aware that yelling at me will get you no where. My most recent answer to a woman who came to the ER with a splinter less than 1/4 inch long in her finger for two days with minor swelling and redness who yelled at me three times in 20 minutes for taking two patients with active MI's and a pt with a traumatic injury from a chain saw to the lateral thigh all the way to the bone, driven in by his boss:

"Miss, I understand you are in pain, but this is not a first come, first served facility. We take patients based on who is hurt the worst, sick the worst or dying the fastest. So in this case, the fact that we are not rushing you into a room to be taken care of is actually a good thing. However, you do have three choices in how to handle this situation. You can have a seat and we will take care of you as soon as we have an opening. You can sign out AMA, which I don't encourage, but it is an option and I will be happy to get the paper work for you. Or, I can call security and they will assist you to sit down and remain calm until we can see you. It is your choice." Of course, as I was saying the part about security I was standing up to reach for the phone. The pt who was max 5'1" seemed to take issue with my 6'2" frame, became very docile and immediately took a seat. I don't know whether standing up to take care of these pt's is a good thing or not. Hehehe.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Feb 11, 2008

Some patients who really need to go to the ER via 911 don't always go on time.

Some people waiting in line at the triage nurse's window really do have an emergency. All you have to do is listen to the person breathe.

That some patients don't go see their docs often enough

That some patients forget to take their meds

That people on the albuteral inhaler can really be breathing just air when they inhale

That the staff needs to know how to float the albuteral inhaler in water to see if it's full or not.

EmmaG, RN · Feb 16, 2008

Don't "just put windex on it."

I don't even wanna know...

curiousauntie · Feb 17, 2008

I don't even wanna know...

From the movie "My Big, Fat Greek Wedding". The father thought that any injury or illness could be cured by spraying Windex on it. Funny movie.:wink2:

zologista · Feb 17, 2008

i have learned that the more asinine the complaint the longer a patient will wait in a busy er to be seen.

[color=#48d1cc]i have also learned that the patient with the most asinine complaint will have a very very poor sense of personal hygiene.

[color=#48d1cc]i have also learned that that same patient will visit you very often (sometimes daily) with many many many different complaints. "i stubbed my toe and i need dr. so&so to look at it"

i have learned that the reason that asinine stinky pt knows that dr so&so is working is because he or she knows the doctors' cars. :icon_roll

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Feb 17, 2008

What do you do if it's the DOCTOR who's stinky?

Starr1966 · Feb 18, 2008

:rotfl: :rotfl: this brings to mind the young couple that found that plastic wrap does not make a good emergency condom. :roll the paramedics that answered the 911 were still laughing when they arrived at er!:) the er doc found it difficult to "break the seal"!:chuckle :chuckle

oh my!! how embarrassing that would be! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

al7139, ASN, RN · Feb 19, 2008

Never hold a bullet with a pair of kitchen tongs while your buddy hits it with a brick (2 guys with military combat experience in Iraq). One now needs a cornea transplant.

Never do a bunch of cocaine, then show up to the ED with chest pain, denying that you use drugs while you are so high that you can't stop moving or talking, we know, we do drug tests!

Never tell me that you weren't smoking in your hospital room when I can smell it in the hallway, there are ashes on the floor by your bed, and the butt is in your water cup (especially when you are on 2L O2 via NC)! If you want to go up in flames when you get home, fine, don't put my life in danger!

Amy