Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Jessiedog, RN · Feb 19, 2008

I have learned that sometimes, no matter what you try, you will actually have to (gasp!) wait to be seen in an ER, especially if you come in with a non-lifethreatening condition... (a dog bite from your dog that happened three days ago and you don't want to have to "wait" to see your regular doctor)
Ranting and raving about the fact that "I was here first!" does nothing to sway the triage nurse (although at first she will try to explain why the person arriving by EMS with an active MI had priority)
And it doesn't help to call 911 from the payphone down the hall from the ER in the hospital....
And it still doesn't help to call 911 from the payphone a block away from the corner grocery store - and if you do, don't be dumb enough to explain that you just left the ER and you want to go back in a stretcher so you don't have to wait - especially when you are wearing the triage bracelet from said ER and the 911 is hospital based - that was the only 1 of 2 times I know of that the paramedic got the "all clear" to NOT transport the patient....
And it even still doesn't help to call 911 from your home, 30 minutes later (especially when you are still wearing the triage bracelet from the ER and as luck would have it, the same paramedic and partner show up at your home - that would be 2 of 2 that permission to decline transport was issued)

ya gotta hand it to ém for persistence!!!!

Jessiedog, RN · Feb 19, 2008

Listen to the nurse when she explains that having a cigarette 30 mins after waking from a GA is NOT a good idea, even though you are young, male, and smoke 40 a day with no problems.

Don't get cranky at same nurse when she is not in time to hand you an emesis basin after you return in the wheelchair pushed by your girlfriend to allow you to have said cigarette.

Have the grace to apologise when the nurse quiety empties the trash can you just threw up in, and settles you back into bed with a cold face-washer and not even an Ï told you so" (even tho she REALLY wanted to say it)

sarah_bellum · Feb 22, 2008

If you are a bartender and decide to do a trick for tips, don't make that trick pouring vodka on your crotch and lighting it on fire. No, the Vodka does not burn off, no matter what you were told by your frat buddies.

If you have flash burns all over your face, with gold spray paint all around your nose at 3am, the nursing staff will not believe you when you say you were "painting your kitchen"

If you are in a car wreck, don't tell the hospital staff you are the other guy in your car, who has insurance. They will eventually figure it out and not be happy.

If you are an admitted Heroin user, your friend comes to visit 3 times, and each time your HR drops into the 40s and the IV infiltrates, don't whine every time we have to start another IV. (I had to bite my tongue so hard, I wanted to say "Do you want to put this in, since you like self administering so much?")

If you are drunk, don't run next to a leaf fire with a gas can. The fumes will light and you will be very, very unhappy.

Don't let your elderly wife with bad eyesight but her "hemmorrhoid" cream on your rectum (it was nitro paste)

Daywalker · Feb 22, 2008

Don't let your elderly wife with bad eyesight but her "hemmorrhoid" cream on your rectum (it was nitro paste)

:yeah: :lol2:

saali · Feb 28, 2008

never leave your oxigen stand lone, it will take you legs off if it fall in down...seriously scarry...

santhony44, MSN, RN, NP · Feb 28, 2008

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Don't let your elderly wife with bad eyesight but her "hemmorrhoid" cream on your rectum (it was nitro paste)

If you have excess nitro paste after applying it to a patient's chest, don't use the excess as a hand cream.

I actually learned this one from a nurse, who could not figure out why she got such a headache....

grace90, LPN, LVN · Feb 29, 2008

If you have excess nitro paste after applying it to a patient's chest, don't use the excess as a hand cream.
I actually learned this one from a nurse, who could not figure out why she got such a headache....

I got some nitro on my hand once, and got SOOOO dizzy!

Jessiedog, RN · Mar 2, 2008

I Had To Check Up Yesterday What The Effects Of Lignocaine And Adrenaline To The Cornea Would Be The Doc Looked At Me And Asked "the Question Would Be Why Would You Want To?" My Answer Involved A Surgeon Doing An Infiltration Prior To A Minor Procedure When The Syringe Came Adrift Of The Infiltration Needle The Result Was Three Mls Of Anaesthetic Liquid Shooting Across The Room And Hitting Me Fair In The Left Eye!!

The Answer Was Ok Except For A Weird Numb Feeling Eyeball For A Few Hours!!

Ekstasis · Apr 7, 2008

Do not use a pager on vibrate as a sexual device. It will not come out with the use of kitchen tongs and you will end up requiring stiches to repair the damage from the tongs and pager.

missnurse1 · Apr 8, 2008

Do not go spear fishing with your drunk buddy...If your too intoxicated as well to make that critical decision, don't stand infront of him to "Try" to show him where the fish are... I don't think the fishing spear embedded through your calf was entirely worth the effort.

:omy:

HAVE ANOTHER WHILE YOUR AT IT, MAYBE IT'LL FEEL BETTER *wine

Becca608 · Apr 8, 2008

I got some nitro on my hand once, and got SOOOO dizzy!

I've learned one thing in my ICU observation experiences when I've tried to help out...a SINGLE layer of gloves won't protect you against nitro paste--double those gloves up!

squeakykitty · Apr 8, 2008

i have learned that the more asinine the complaint the longer a patient will wait in a busy er to be seen.

i have also learned that the patient with the most asinine complaint will have a very very poor sense of personal hygiene.

i have also learned that that same patient will visit you very often (sometimes daily) with many many many different complaints. "i stubbed my toe and i need dr. so&so to look at it"

i have learned that the reason that asinine stinky pt knows that dr so&so is working is because he or she knows the doctors' cars. :icon_roll

they will also be the most demanding and impatient people who will hover over the desk the most when their personal hygeine is the worst---on the hottest day of the year when the ac is broken.