Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

RGN1 · Sep 3, 2006

Sorry if this has already been covered but..........don't step on the tubing of your indwelling catherter when you're mobilising!

banditrn · Sep 12, 2006

If you are out of Prep H - Vicks is NOT an acceptable substitute!

Also, if you have 'crotch itch', applying 'Icy Hot' WILL get you a trip to the ER.

Liddle Noodnik · Sep 12, 2006

Don't climb up a telephone pole while high on crack...you may end up lying across the lines, frying like a chicken with your body fat drippin to the ground, and end up in a nursing home with no legs....

Somehow this:

(you may end up lying across the lines, frying like a chicken with your body fat drippin to the ground, and end up in a nursing home with no legs....)

Does not jive with that:

( "Dont cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." )

LOL!

Alixandra · Sep 15, 2006

This wasn't a patient but my idiotic ex-husband:

Don't have a vasectomy and take 4 vicodin in 3 hrs, no matter how much pain you are in. If you do, do not get up to go to the bathroom while everyone is asleep. If you must get up to pee do not sit down on the toilet for no good reason, 'just to see if you can.' You WILL get dizzy and you WILL pass out and you will hit your face on whatever happens to be in front of the toilet(in his case a bathroom scale) and you will have to walk around with a scraped up face and have to listen to everyone laugh at you and think you're an idiot. Also, no one will hear you fall and come to your aid.

Taryn

bethem · Sep 15, 2006

Never avoid pre-natal care until your 39th week of pregnancy. It's not always a happy ending.

MuddaMia · Sep 15, 2006

This wasn't a patient but my idiotic ex-husband:
Don't have a vasectomy and take 4 vicodin in 3 hrs, no matter how much pain you are in. If you do, do not get up to go to the bathroom while everyone is asleep including your girlfriend who is asleep wearing earplugs. If you must get up to pee do not sit down on the toilet for no good reason, 'just to see if you can.' You WILL get dizzy and you WILL pass out and you will hit your face on whatever happens to be in front of the toilet(in his case a bathroom scale) and you will have to walk around with a scraped up face and have to listen to everyone laugh at you and think you're an idiot, especially your wife and your mom the ICU nurse. Also, no one will hear you fall and come to your aid because your girlfriend is asleep with earplugs and didn't hear a thing, and your wife thinks your girlfriend is taking care of you so she is passed out on the couch and not listening for you. Still not sure how I slept through 300 lbs hitting the floor and breaking our scale, but oh well. Even though if I had heard him I would have only gone into the bathroom to make sure he was still alive, and didn't have a head injury or serious bleeding, and to laugh at him while he was laying on the floor trying to get up.
It's also not advisable for your girlfriend to decide she's 'sick'(she wasn't, she was just sick of taking care of him) the next day and decide go home. Your wife will not be happy to take care of your sorry cheating orifice. However, she will laugh at your face, post about it all over the internet complete with pictures and laugh with her friends about the fact that karma is a b*tch.
Taryn

:uhoh21: Just to clarify here....Ummm..You (the wife) were on the couch while your husband and his girlfriend were in the next room in the bedroom????

Do you live in Port Charles??? (soap opera land)

:rolleyes:

allnurses Guide · Sep 15, 2006

:uhoh21: Just to clarify here....Ummm..You (the wife) were on the couch while your husband and his girlfriend were in the next room in the bedroom????
Do you live in Port Charles??? (soap opera land)

I think you've got it right . . . . wow, what a story. :uhoh21: Not only wife and girlfriend in the same place BUT this is a vasectomy we are talking about . . . .

steph

Gompers, BSN, RN · Sep 15, 2006

I think you've got it right . . . . wow, what a story. :uhoh21: Not only wife and girlfriend in the same place BUT this is a vasectomy we are talking about . . . .

I was wondering about that, too...

Alixandra · Sep 16, 2006

This is a case of the truth being stranger than fiction.

He wanted a divorce and got a girlfriend the next day(I have a feeling she had been on the side for a while) after he told me he wanted out. I really could have cared less that he had a girlfriend. In fact, I preferred her to be there since it kept him out of my hair. I can't remember that last time we slept in the same bed, he snores loud enough to wake the dead(which is why Barb was wearing earplugs) so I have slept in the living room on the futon or couch since way before we decided to divorce or Barb entered the picture. In fact, my son had referred to the couch as 'mommy's bed' for as long as I can remember. I only stuck around after he wanted out because I wanted my son to finish school before we moved.

He got the V because he doesn't want anymore children(we have an almost 4 year old) and she doesn't want kids either. His family even agrees that his decision not to have any more kids is a smart one considering he has never grown up. His family was also very embarassed by his behaviour.

Also, I divorced him, not the other way around. I had wanted to divorce him for well over a year but didn't because I wanted to try and stay with him for the sake of our child. Wasn't worth it at all.

I swear on my grandmother's grave that every word of the story is true.

Taryn

Liddle Noodnik · Sep 16, 2006

This is a case of the truth being stranger than fiction.
He wanted a divorce and got a girlfriend the next day(I have a feeling she had been on the side for a while) after he told me he wanted out. I really could have cared less that he had a girlfriend. In fact, I preferred her to be there since it kept him out of my hair. I can't remember that last time we slept in the same bed, he snores loud enough to wake the dead(which is why Barb was wearing earplugs) so I have slept in the living room on the futon or couch since way before we decided to divorce or Barb entered the picture. In fact, my son had referred to the couch as 'mommy's bed' for as long as I can remember. I only stuck around after he wanted out because I wanted my son to finish school before we moved.
He got the V because he doesn't want anymore children(we have an almost 4 year old) and she doesn't want kids either. His family even agrees that his decision not to have any more kids is a smart one considering he has never grown up. His family was also very embarassed by his behaviour.
Also, I divorced him, not the other way around. I had wanted to divorce him for well over a year but didn't because I wanted to try and stay with him for the sake of our child. Wasn't worth it at all.
I swear on my grandmother's grave that every word of the story is true.
Taryn

Your poor son must have been very confused by that situation, as well as the 3 adults that were involved! Scary decisions we make in relationships. For example, I married my x twice, so I should talk. I also wrote a letter to Department of Human Services, which said he owed them for my foodstamps/Aid (my son and I would have gotten some of that). Just trying to be "nice", feeling sorry for him, wanting to help him "get better", be more forgiving (as a good Christian would), or, as was partially the case when I got remarried, trying to do what was best for my son. I was wrong, in hindsight. All those choices made it worse, and more confusing, for all of us. Especially for my son who was copying Daddy in his behavior, including a suicide attempt.

So, because of my (and other women's) willingness to "be nice", my son's Daddy never had to grow up. I was wife # 3 and # 5 - yes, :banghead: [that smiley is supposed to show me banging my head against a wall...]

This is not to mention the GF's he has also taken as hostage over the years, including a nice rich one right now. (More power to 'im, and God bless that poor woman...)

Hope you don't think I am knocking you totally, your hubby was pretty dysfunctional, but don't you think we are pretty dysfunctional to put up with all that too?

Liddle Noodnik · Sep 16, 2006

This is a case of the truth being stranger than fiction.
He wanted a divorce and got a girlfriend the next day(I have a feeling she had been on the side for a while) after he told me he wanted out...
Taryn

P.S. Have you gotten tested for AIDS, etc? If he needed a vasectomy, most likely he had been having unsafe sex - even if he had used a condom with her, you were at risk.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Sep 17, 2006

This wasn't a patient but my idiotic ex-husband:
Don't have a vasectomy and take 4 vicodin in 3 hrs, no matter how much pain you are in. If you do, do not get up to go to the bathroom while everyone is asleep including your girlfriend who is asleep wearing earplugs. If you must get up to pee do not sit down on the toilet for no good reason, 'just to see if you can.' You WILL get dizzy and you WILL pass out and you will hit your face on whatever happens to be in front of the toilet(in his case a bathroom scale) and you will have to walk around with a scraped up face and have to listen to everyone laugh at you and think you're an idiot, especially your wife and your mom the ICU nurse. Also, no one will hear you fall and come to your aid because your girlfriend is asleep with earplugs and didn't hear a thing, and your wife thinks your girlfriend is taking care of you so she is passed out on the couch and not listening for you. Still not sure how I slept through 300 lbs hitting the floor and breaking our scale, but oh well. Even though if I had heard him I would have only gone into the bathroom to make sure he was still alive, and didn't have a head injury or serious bleeding, and to laugh at him while he was laying on the floor trying to get up.
It's also not advisable for your girlfriend to decide she's 'sick'(she wasn't, she was just sick of taking care of him) the next day and decide go home. Your wife will not be happy to take care of your sorry cheating orifice. However, she will laugh at your face, post about it all over the internet complete with pictures and laugh with her friends about the fact that karma is a b*tch.
Taryn

And not dysfunctional, but just plain naieve.