Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

ktwlpn, LPN · Sep 17, 2006

Not a story I would be too eager to tell.....Reminds me of my ex-husband's first wife.They had a child together so for his sake my family tried to keep everything civil.When I got married to my current (and last) husband my ex-husband's son was in our wedding.However he brought baggage-like his dumb as a box of rocks and looking like she was rode hard and left out in the rain mother.I was really,really embarrassed when friends and family made remarks like "I can't believe they were both married to the same man" I DARED my mother to EVER invite that branch of the family tree around ever again! And mom was one of those "Oh come by for a cup of coffee" type of people-and they ALWAYS came...Assorted ex-boyfriends and even my ex-mother in law (mean as a snake,she was-and detested me when the dust settled) Well-it's been years-but I still don't want to be in the same room with that woman-never mind be known as ex-wives-in law-or whatever the freak you would call us.....

Liddle Noodnik · Sep 17, 2006

oops, sorry, wrong version of "Five Chapters": See below.

Liddle Noodnik · Sep 17, 2006

And not dysfunctional, but just plain naieve.

Yes, Fran, that is probably more like it

It's like this poem I read years ago:

Life in Five Short Chapters

CHAPTER 1

I walk down the street.

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

And I fall in.

I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

CHAPTER 2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But it isn't my fault.

It takes a long time to get out.

CHAPTER 3

I walk down the same street and there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there, and still I fall in.

It's a habit.

But my eyes are open and I know where I am.

It is my fault and I get out immediately.

CHAPTER 4

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

CHAPTER 5

I walk down a different street.

By Portia Nelson

MedSurgeMess · Sep 22, 2006

Yes, Fran, that is probably more like it
It's like this poem I read years ago:
Life in Five Short Chapters
CHAPTER 1
I walk down the street.
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.
And I fall in.
I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
CHAPTER 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.
CHAPTER 3
I walk down the same street and there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, and still I fall in.
It's a habit.
But my eyes are open and I know where I am.
It is my fault and I get out immediately.
CHAPTER 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
CHAPTER 5
I walk down a different street.
By Portia Nelson

Sounds like my life story, unfortunately I haven't found a different street

MedSurgeMess · Sep 22, 2006

This isn't about a patient, but about a family member...she was handing out cookies to the gentlemen on our med-surg floor with a piece of paper containing her phone number and email address, along with a list of her "services". Our unit manager mentioned in our meeting that we now offered 'brothel calls' along with our hotel-like services (joking of course). Apparently this gal had told these men that she would make 'room service' available if needed :eek:

Jarnaes · Sep 23, 2006

Young man wants nice pecs... plastic surgery to the rescue...US rates are too expensive... he goes to Mexico because they can do it for only $700... ends up with a "nice" set of female hooters, and the extra bonus of sepsis and dialysis...

Alixandra · Sep 24, 2006

If you have a 'pimple' in your perineal area that starts growing, weeping, and gets really hot and painful you should prolly go to the dr and get it checked out since chances are it's staph. LOM didn't and ended up losing his member and testes and ended up with a nasty case of sepsis and a nice long stay in the ICU.

I really kind of felt bad for him since he really was a sweet guy.

Taryn

Liddle Noodnik · Sep 24, 2006

If you have a 'pimple' in your perineal area that starts growing, weeping, and gets really hot and painful you should prolly go to the dr and get it checked out since chances are it's staph. LOM didn't and ended up losing his member and testes and ended up with a nasty case of sepsis and a nice long stay in the ICU.
I really kind of felt bad for him since he really was a sweet guy.
Taryn

"LOM"?

P_RN, ADN, RN · Sep 24, 2006

little old man

iluvnurses25 · Sep 25, 2006

Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :uhoh21: :uhoh21: :eek: :uhoh21: :uhoh21:
Anybody got anything to add?

WOW!

Liddle Noodnik · Sep 25, 2006

little old man

Thanks! Poor guy...

ElizabethJRN · Sep 26, 2006

My first post...great thread!

*Never pick random mushrooms from a park, then feed them to your family, including your young children. You will end up in the ICU, and your child will end up on ECMO

*Never sell your viagra (for your pulmonary hypertension) to go on a drinking/gambling/meth binge. You will also end up in the ICU (for the third time) with a Swan-ganz and full on DT's. Then you will pull out your central line, and procede to bleed and stool all over the bed while swearing, hitting the nurse (me!), and hallucinating!

*Never allow yourself to become so obese that we need the Urologist to come in to find your member and insert a catheter.