Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Updated:   Published

what-are-things-patients-taught-you-not-to-do.jpg.119a9865abb94645f43c13239f934ba4.jpg

Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

never go to the ER of a not for profit hospital sign and think that means you will not recieve a bill...just because the sign says so..and then come back and argue with the nurse at triage because you did get that bill...she does have better things to do...although she may not think they are quite as funny!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
"If you have a medication allergy, don't take the medication again just to see what will happen."

oh i just had to close my eyes and shake my head at myself when i read this one, i did this once with percocet. i had been taking one at a time for a day or so, and having no problems, then took two when i had worse pain and then got a big rash and terrible itching. i did suspect the percocet, but after a few days off of it, took 2 again to see what would happen. never again!!! LOL

:rolleyes: what a dope i was.....

Wow,,& your admitting this,,,

NanaElse

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Surgery in HepatoPancreatobiliaryGastro.

Never eat anything a patient offers you... not specially from the lil' old man in the corner who has no teeth, who offered you Brazil nuts from an open packet... only to discover it used to be coated with chocolate!

:smackingfA certain nurse discover afterwards:barf02:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I've very much enjoyed reading everyone's interesting threads, thanks!!

Here's a few for you, so far, none of these happened to me, but to other nurses I know, but who knows? Copy%20of%20wink.gif

For nurses:

Think twice before cleaning what you thought were EEG strips from a postop's head, it could be strips that hold his toupee.

Don't lean over a bedrail to check on a confused patient with a stethoscope around your neck, you may get hit with it.

Bed linen is not fun to change if they're using sterile maggots to debride a wound that nothing else has worked.

For patients:

The foley bag does NOT hang on an IV pole.

Someone on dialysis COULD kill themselves eating 2 bags of chocolate oreos.

It's a good idea to check your bed for brown recluse before climbing in bed after having been on vacation for a week.

Don't eat raw fish especially from a place your not absolutely sure of.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Never eat anything a patient offers you... not specially from the lil' old man in the corner who has no teeth, who offered you Brazil nuts from an open packet... only to discover it used to be coated with chocolate!

:smackingfA certain nurse discover afterwards:barf02:

:barf01:

I think I just threw-up a little.........

Really, that nearly made me gag! SG

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Things I've learned...

-don't change a light bulb while standing naked on top of the pool table

-NASCAR+Alcohol=ER visits lasting 3-4 hours

-gangster bullets will always miss intended targets and hit innocent bystanders

-the infant having a febrile seizure will always come in wrapped in 800 lbs worth of blankets

-most COPD patients will have quit smoking 20 minutes prior to arrival

-don't touch anyhting in a patient's "luggage"

-that brown stuff on the patient's hands ain't chocolate

-any patient complaining of having a "cornea" should have an EKG done

-patients complaining of having "Cadillacs" should see an opthomologist

-never insert PR meds without lubricant, although it's much more fun to insert NG tubes into crying, combative, abusive overdosed teenagers who took a handful of Tylenol and refuse the activated charcoal

-no matter how much you ask, Environmental Services will not pump Haldol in to the patients' air vents or waiting room water fountain

-paramedics diagnosing ACT are usually accurate

-calling 9-1-1 because you are out of meds and don't feel like walking to the store will not get you an ER bed faster but will give you a long wait in triage

-Alcohol+Bullriding=IV's, xrays, meds, and a visit from the local psych doctor or PET team

-which ER staff I would let work on me vs which I would hide my dog from

-NEVER use the "Q" word

-ice cream is a great bribe unless you want me to call your captain and tell him what happened

-white scrubs+ER rotations=dark scrubs for the rest of your career

-nervous nursing student+IV catheter=arterial access and screaming patient

-when shown the foley catheter, the patient will suddenly provide the urine sample requested previously

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.

do not pull your pre-teen son on a skateboard from a rope attached to the back of your car

never lean against a loose, rusty, broken deck railing 15 feet above the ground; especially when you are 5 months pregnant; and if you are the boyfriend of such a person who has done this and is on their way down, don't try to grab them and stop them because you may fall with them and land on their abdomen

if you are in a park in the middle of the night "minding your own business" never let a group of "dudes" use your cell phone and then threaten them when they don't give it back

don't ever try to drive your boat drunk at any time, and especially don't drive exceptionally fast through the no-wake channel with large rocks on either side when you are drunk

don't get hopped up on cocaine, marijuana and alcohol and then steal a vehicle and end up in a high speed chase, you could roll and end up with multiple extremity fractures, splenic laceration and pneumothorax with a note on your chart that says "call police station upon discharge to facilitate arrest" and no, going to the rehab unit only delays your arrest, it won't prevent it

never try to put out a grease fire with a towel and your bare hands, and then when that doesn't work decide to put the still-flaming frying pan into the sink and run water on it

when you are in the hospital with an IV, don't disconnect the line to get up to the bathroom and then when you are discovered with bloody tubing and a clotted-off Iv, don't tell the nurse that the last shift nurse did it- she won't believe you and she won't feel bad for you that you have to be poked again

don't ask out every young-looking female nurse that comes in your room nor whip up your gown to show them your incision each time they come into your room when you are not wearing underwear, pretty soon you may find that only the older grumpier female nurses or the male nurses are assigned to you

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.

here's a couple more (I think I'm addicted to this website!)

...sitting in a recliner for a week straight and drinking a fifth+ of vodka everyday without moving will result in alcohol-induced pancreatitis, pneumonia and nasty infected stage 3's on your coccyx, so if you are the roommate of such a person- don't bring them the vodka for a week and let them sit in their feces and urine THEN call the paramedics when you can't stand the smell anymore :barf02:

...if your 60+- year old alcoholic prescription-drug addicted demented COPD father is in the hospital with a broken ankle and pancreatitis, and is already on enough pain meds to sedate a moose, don't bring in your extra strength vicodin and a fentanyl patch for him. :angryfire it will cause him to be transferred to the ICU in respiratory arrest and a narcan drip and then a return to the floor with 1:1 observation to keep YOU away from him (we all wanted to shoot that daughter...) :nono:

...it's a good idea to wear your seatbelt at all times, even if your EMT brother tells you people are better off in an accident without them, so when you realize you are about to be hit by another vehicle you shouldn't unfasten your seatbelt. this could cause you to be ejected through the windshield and end up with multiple fractures, a pneumo and a bruised kidney

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.

here's one I just learned today...from my own 4 year old daughter.

No matter how well you think you keep your oldest son's Risperdal out of reach, your 4 year old daughter will still eat the entire bottle in the middle of the night and end up unresponsive in the ER (full recovery, thank God!) :crying2:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU.
here's one I just learned today...from my own 4 year old daughter.

No matter how well you think you keep your oldest son's Risperdal out of reach, your 4 year old daughter will still eat the entire bottle in the middle of the night and end up unresponsive in the ER (full recovery, thank God!) :crying2:

So glad she's ok!!
Up Vote Up Vote ×

Don't EVER accept candy from people in nursing homes. My nurse instructor and her students were given chocolate balls wrapped in foil by a sweet but confused old lady. None of the staff ate them, but commented that they looked stale. Nurse D (instructor) thought that it looked familiar, sniffed it...

The lady would scoop up her BMs and pop them into a candy mold, then put them in a drawer to dry and wrap them in scraps of foil. They found hundreds of the little candies in her drawers and purse. The room did smell, but the staff assumed that it was from her roommate. I wan't there at the time, but they had to search the whole facility to track them down. It certainly explained why some residents kept getting stomach flus.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER.

Hey, this is my favorite thread.

NO FIGHTING

I don't want to lose it to moderation.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion