Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

BlueYYsRN · Oct 1, 2005

:rotfl:

If you are having breastfeeding problems it will not help for the FOB to pump his own breasts. Not a pretty sight!

Surely you jest! :lol2:

I wonder if we would have to barcode and EMAR it.

kadokin, ASN, RN · Oct 1, 2005

:rotfl:
Surely you jest!
I wonder if we would have to barcode and EMAR it.

what does barcode and emar it mean?

kadokin, ASN, RN · Oct 3, 2005

Miss Manners
Sorry, canoehead.

Thnx for the clarification, canoehead. BTW, why do you call yrslf canoehead?

grace90, LPN, LVN · Oct 4, 2005

it's generally not a good idea for a bunch of drunks to go on a hayride, and it's *really* not a good idea for one of the riders to decide to climb up to the tractor to bum a smoke off the driver, especially if he doesn't see you and suddenly turns and you find yourself under the trailer wheels, tends to make you wind up in a halo brace

alcohol + sand dunes + 4 wheel drive trucks = roughly 1/6 of the summer patients in our ER, ICU and ortho/neuro unit and more halo braces

never walk too close to running riding mower, you never know when they might throw up something like a 2 inch wire which will end up embedded in the muscle in your abdomen *thank goodness it didn't perf her bowel or other organs*

if you're gonna steal a motorcycle, don't do so while drunk, thanks to your fractured hip, clavicle and arm and the arrest warrant, you won't be riding for a long time

don't come into the ER with chest pain, then leave AMA when the internal med dr. wants to admit you. the next time you have chest pain, it may end up being a massive anterior wall MI that leaves you with a 2% ejection fraction and dependence on a balloon pump while waiting for a transplant- at the age of 39 :cry:

BlueYYsRN · Oct 4, 2005

what does barcode and emar it mean?

We have to label all our breastmilk with a barcode for that particular mother and when it is time to feed the baby we have to scan the barcode like we scan medication for the electronic medication administration record. I got the giggles the other night when the mom of a baby we have had for a while was starting to breastfeed...do we scan the boob? :lol2:

futureTMA · Oct 8, 2005

This is the best thread I've seen here yet. This stuff should be in a book. I'm a nursing student also and this has been FAR more educational. This thread should be a pre-requisite for deciding to be a nurse. It's definitely addictive as well as I couldn't get away but there's so much to read.

Thanks everyone for sharing.

Edited to add: I did actually get throught it all

futureTMA · Oct 9, 2005

I guess I should share my own, now that I think of it:

A loaded gun does not make a good hammer

Running on plastic-draped carpet while painting does not allow you good traction and can lead to getting 8 stitches in your head - this was me :)

Mirai Kangofu · Oct 9, 2005

Oral contraception is not a responsibility to be shared between both partners. If the female takes the pills the first month, the boyfriend the second, and proceed to alternate, don't be surprised when pregnancy ensues (they're called lady pills for a reason!). I don't know how person can have access to pills but not be given instructions for the 6-week wait... maybe she went to Mexico and got the pills. Here in Texas, people get meds from Mexico all the time, especially antibiotics, which they pop like salted peanuts.

elizabells, BSN, RN · Oct 15, 2005

Thnx for the clarification, canoehead. BTW, why do you call yrslf canoehead?

oh, i don't, i was apologizing TO canoehead, the mod

menolly_33 · Oct 25, 2005

been laughing myself sick with these, so a few of my own.

Never borrow your bosses truck, pick up your wife, get very drunk and drive down the very busy highway in front of our hospital, while you and your drunk wife are trying to do the nasty in the front seat. Wifey might get ejected from truck when it rolls over, and over. Since wife is naked she will have the worst case of road rash I have ever seen, and you will be transported to the local jail in just a lovely hospital gown as clothing must be cut off to assess injuries.

On the 4th of July, Never leave 5 year old son to watch 2 year old sister at the lake, while you and hubby get drunk. Espically do not yell at 5 year old "you killed your sister" when her lifeless body is brought to the ER. (really wanted to hurt that mom.)

If you are a large burly looking guy in a flannel shirt brought to the ED for chest pain, remember to remove your beautiful red bra and panties before EMS arrives. Also remember that the staff will not believe you when you claim "those aren't mine".

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER get loaded and sleep with your new friend and your new 2 week old infant. very sad.

Never assume patient understands the insturctions "per rectum"

Never try to pet a moose.

Never try to ride a moose.

Baby bear cubs usually have a mom close by, and she will not like you trying to pet her baby.

If the voices in your head tell you to chop off your hand, DO NOT LISTEN! And if you come to the ED do not place the removed limb on the Ward cleck's desk, she may scream.

Self castration is ALWAYS a bad idea.

If you put a gun under your chin and fire, you might not die. You may have to live the rest of your life with half your face missing.

Just because your boyfriend doesn't have any children and he is 23, doesn't mean he can't father children.

Never get loaded, and go for a walk when it is -30 degrees outside, and if you do, do not stop to take a nap.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Oct 26, 2005

On the 4th of July, Never leave 5 year old son to watch 2 year old sister at the lake, while you and hubby get drunk. Espically do not yell at 5 year old "you killed your sister" when her lifeless body is brought to the ER. (really wanted to hurt that mom.)

I don't know if I would be able to restrain myself from knocking her over the head with a 20 lb sledgehammer.

Animals act so much better than many hoomans do.

K205 · Oct 26, 2005

Ohhh nooo! too funny!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

If you have an IUD, try to avoid intercourse with men who have member rings. Hoops, especially, are mightily attracted to those little strings. However, please don't take this advice to mean you should perform a quick at-home trim on your own with your nail scissors.
If you brother tells you to put BBs in your ear to see how many you can fit in there, there's nothing saying you have to do it.
Drink your beer and smoke your pot AFTER your skateboard ride/last ski run/night-time hike in the mountains. Regardless of what manner of wildlife you may encounter on your hike, it is strongly recommended that you don't "just try to see how close you can get to it"
If you see your mule in the corn crib and he's not supposed to be there, sneaking up behind him and screaming is neither the safest or most effective means of removing him from said corn crib.
You're absolutely right- aspirin IS an effective contraceptive... if you place it between your knees every morning and hold it there firmly throughout your waking hours. Sadly, neither Coke or orange juice douches can claim any contraceptive properties at all.
If you just cannot stand that "not so fresh" feeling and must douche, please keep in mind that this product is intended for a single use only.
If you have been having frequent unprotected sex and have noticed you haven't had a period in a while, pregnancy is a strong possibility. Additionally, if you don't know who the father is, asking your nurse if she knows is unlikely to provide any answers.
The "that's my story and I'm sticking to it" defense may be a time-honored one, but claims of virginity uttered repeatedly in the face of a positive hcg tend to fall on deaf ears.
Noxema is recommended for relief of mild sunburn pain, but it will NOT help your yeast infection. I know it burns down there, but it's just not the same kind of burn.
Exchanging mouth-to-mouth kisses with a parrot is seldom a good plan, especially when you have previously acknowledged that said parrot does not like you.
Allowing your new adult python to become acquainted with you by sniffing your hands, redolent with the scent of raw chicken, almost never has good results.
Cows may be domesticated, but very few have really had adequate training under saddle. Even fewer have ever expressed a desire to jump fences, and their enthusiasm tends to be further dampened by the presence of a passenger.
When you attempt to top off your gas tank and turning your little gas can upside down produces only a couple of drops come out, the safest assumption is that it is empty. Please do not verify this by trying to see the inside of the can with a lighter.
When leaving the hospital with your newborn, please remember: a duffel bag is no substitute for an approved car seat.
If, when you present to L&D, you have pre-medicated yourself with Xanax, pot, left-over prescription cough suppressants, or any combination thereof "to take the edge off", this definitely falls under the heading of "Information We Need"
Most importantly, when your inebriated friends utter such phrases as "Hey, y'all watch this!" a prudent pal will recognize these as rather famous last words.