Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Erin RN · Jan 21, 2004

I love this thread!! Everytime I look at it, it stops me from making potentially "bad choices"....:roll

Kidding!! erin

happystudent, RN · Jan 21, 2004

I learned this yesterday....

When holding a 2yr old pt for an iv, make sure his head is in the opposite direction, he might just freak and bite you on the boob..........

owwwch......still rubbing the bite mark

Lindz · Jan 21, 2004

Don't worrry happystudent, had one kiddo grab me with a death grip, it took three people holding her down to give her the meds, so I just urged to the nurse to give them quick so she'll let go of me. Same nurse made me go look to make sure I didn't have scratch marks, yeah how am I going to explain scratch marks on my boob to occ health.

rdhdnrs · Jan 21, 2004

OB nevers:

Never drink your 24-hour urine collection.

Never believe your mother when she tells you that insulin makes your blood sugar go up.

Never have sex in the hospital maintainence closet 24 hours post c/section.

Never have sex on the antepartum ward with your husband if you weigh 400 lbs. and he weighs 150. He could fall out of bed and everyone could come running to check on you.

Never get a tatoo of a pussy cat just above your pubic bone if you plan on having eight kids by age 24.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Jan 21, 2004

Man alive, the things people will do for some attention! :rolleyes:

I could think of a lot better things to do than masterbate 30 times in one day, or drink my own 24 hour urine collection, and a whole host of other things mentioned.

Never allow yourself to get so dirty and smelly that a simple shower won't touch.

Never allow yourself to get so dirty and smelly, and your toenails to grow so long you wear shoes three sizes larger.

Never allow yourself to get so dirty and smelly the OR staff tease one another by asking if they took a shower today.

Never allow yourself to get so dirty and smelly you have to be scrubbed from head to toe with an OR prep scrub pad.

Never allow yourself to get so dirty and smelly when you are a diabetic.

Never allow yourself to get so dirty and smelly the doctor signs you out of the hospital even though you have a fever.

This all happened with my follow-through patient when I was in nursing school.

The odor was so bad it literally permeated the entire unit. His two brothers were the same way. That definitely was enough stink to inspire potential patients to choose to go to another hospital.

He had an ORIF of the elbow. I nicknamed him, "Pigpen" after the character in the Charlie Brown comic strip.

Fran:nurse:

redshiloh · Jan 21, 2004

Have they proven that with research??????

That would make an interesting research report.

Wonder how many test subjects they would get!

Did I read that correctly...someone removed arm hair with oven cleaner....sweet Mary that musta hurt!

Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN · Jan 21, 2004

Originally posted by OCCHCanada
And my all time favorite...do not inject your own urine to get high from the byproducts of the narcotics you've stolen from the ER. Especially when you are on duty and working in the ER as a NURSE!

Lawdy lawd.

What happened to this nurse?

How did she get caught?

ktwlpn, LPN · Jan 21, 2004

Never go for a midnight drive while on heroin-especially when accompanied by your addict girlfriend and your new born fussy baby......Never let your stoned girlfriend hold that baby on her lap in the front seat because when you hit the tree the baby becomes a pancake,it's mother becomes a vegetable at 19 and you go to jail........Never go for a case of beer on a motorcycle-especially after you finished the other case(more PVS) Never go drunk driving-and hit a house-on Xmas eve....You enter PVS at 21 and your bro ends up a quad.....and the children in the home had a really sucky Xmas..........Don't drink anti freeze-----you will suffer for a really,really long time-then you'll die......

nurturing_angel · Jan 22, 2004

More things I've learned:

Never put eyedrops in while driving 30 miles a hours on a busy city bypass!

Never wrap your 4 pound newborn in several blankets and leave her lying on your bedside table...some nurse gathering the dirty linens will try to put her in the laundry hamper!

Never pick your unresponsive wife up off the bathroom floor at 2 a.m. and put her back to bed thinking she is only sleeping....esp if she is drooling and one side seems limp!!!!

I still love this thread.

Vickie:D

Quailfeather · Jan 22, 2004

Never start your own house on fire to prevent the police from coming in and arresting you. Furthermore, it is not prudent to kick out the upstairs window (barefoot) of said burning house to climb upon the roof and do a victory dance. The police may grow weary of your antics and just shoot you down with a beanbag gun. Your lacerations, burns, and compound clavicle fracture will elicit little sympathy from the nurses who have to care for you as they choke from the stench of human BBQ.

kc ccurn · Jan 22, 2004

Don't confuse Visine with gastr-ocult developer....

dragonfly954 · Jan 22, 2004

Do not think it is ok to put just a few drops of Visene in your friend's iced tea to see what will happen.She will not appreciate the severe unexplained abdominal pain that lasts for hours.nor will she appreciate the thousands of dollars spent on invasive tests and multiple pokings and proddings as the perplexed er staff tries to figure out why you are screaming in agony for hours.It says for external use only for a very good reason........ :devil: