Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Sari_noel · Jan 18, 2004

I'm in nursing school so these are from reading the local newspaper.......

No matter how much fun it sounds like, never ride your snowmobile at over 100mph, trees aren't very soft or forgiving..

Never ride your snowmobile, by yourself, across any frozen body of water, there could be soft spots....

The deer you just hit may not be dead, just knocked out, not a good idea to put it in your car.....

EmeraldNYL, BSN, RN · Jan 18, 2004

Never smoke marijuana soaked in formaldehyde and laced with PCP. You WILL go crazy, and will probably end up intubated in the ICU.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Jan 18, 2004

Yuck, yuck, yuck! Eeeeewww! Drinking sperm out of an orifice. UGh! Just the thought of that makes me gag.

Fran:nurse:

VaKidPN · Jan 18, 2004

Originally posted by NICU_Nurse
Do not visit the nursery with a friend and, when friend begins to change her new baby's diaper, say one of the following phrases REALLY loud:

"Ooh, girl, your baby's cat is FAT!"
"How come your baby 'aint got no nuts?"
"Where the ***k is his ***k?"

OMG.... I think we have the same patients......

do not explain to the nurse that your child is unable to take amoxacillin because everytime you mix it with Coke they throw it up violently.

Do not decide to wear your brothers shoes after he has had a nasty foot fungus and be surprised that you now have it as well. Do not be surprised when you go to the Drs office, still wearing his shoes, cuz hes in jail and doesnt need them, and need a shot pcn in the butt.

Do not spit or bite the nurse who is attempting to give you your adolescent Tetorifice shot. It tends to make them not be soo nice.

medic98 · Jan 18, 2004

I always thought that the sperm out of the Butt thing was called Felching ? But maybe there are many names for the dodgy acts that go on at home....

NeuroICURN · Jan 19, 2004

Originally posted by EmeraldNYL
Never smoke marijuana soaked in formaldehyde and laced with PCP. You WILL go crazy, and will probably end up intubated in the ICU.

OMG....I just had a patient in my ICU that did that same thing! I forgot to add that to my list of "things not to do"! LOL Also, when your brain is now so fried (after doing activity mentioned above) that you constantly drool, I'm guessing that you'll have a hard time finding a date. It's sad what people will do for a high! :rolleyes:

TonyafutureRN · Jan 19, 2004

I'm with you, Frances. Drinking semen (or anything else for that matter) out of someone's rear is BEYOND disgusting. I didn't think anything was worse than the rodent thing, but that very well may be.

grouchy · Jan 19, 2004

Do not attempt to have sex on a tabletop in a McDonald's Playland. You will be arrested. (This happened to a former psych pt of mine - I saw the story in the newspaper.)

grouchy · Jan 19, 2004

Do not tell your cardiac nurse that you are not having chest pain, then tell your son that you've been having chest pain all day, and noone has done anything about it. Your nurse does not appreciate this.

babynurse2B · Jan 19, 2004

this is a sad story, actually happened to a friend of mine. or, should i say "acquaintance"...

poor 16 year old has been having minor troubles with friends/drugs/laws for awhile....at one point he decided to pierce his tongue on his own. after the initial piercing of his tongue, instead of putting a real metal bar in the hole through his tongue, he used part of an extension cord. (!!!) then, i guess he burned both the top and bottom of it to make an edge to keep it in place. i think he waited a month or 2 and then got a real metal bar. :rolleyes:

sadly, a few months later, he tried to commit suicide. he put a gun under his chin and shot. i don't know how common this is, but the bullet apparently hit the metal in his tongue and pushed it up into his brain. he was hospitalized for awhile, and actually turned out with more sense and intelligence than before! his mouth/eyes/nose are all functioniong properly and his speech and facial features were not even affected! pretty amazing huh. i guess the bullet and metal ring that are permanently lodged in his brain had altered his personality.

this definately makes this "never ______" list! never pierce your own tongue and then shoot yourself in the chin!!!!!!!!!

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Jan 19, 2004

Originally posted by grouchy
Do not tell your cardiac nurse that you are not having chest pain, then tell your son that you've been having chest pain all day, and no one has done anything about it. Your nurse does not appreciate this.

Addendum: If you do decide to do this, please do not go ahead and DIE! This will only give all the nasty newspaper columnists with an axe to grind about the poor state of health care a soapbox to preach from for months to come. The nurse who triaged you will really not appreciate this.

FNP grrl · Jan 19, 2004

-use a vibrator 30 times in one day...

-ignore signs posted at the top of slippery waterfalls which elaborate on the dangers of climbing on slippery waterfalls...

-take my 5 year old for a ride on my 4-wheeler barefoot & without a helmet after watchin' the game & drinkin' some brewskis w/ my buddies...

- fall on a knife so that it goes into my abdomen- three times...

- steal a defibrillator & try to sell it on the corner right outside the hospital i stole it from...

-swat at a fly with a boxcutter...

-put battery acid on my infected cut to 'boil out the infection'...

-cut my wrist after a fight with my girlfriend when i have a history of sickle cell anemia, MI, PE, DVT, CVA, and am on massive doses of coumadin...then announce that the only thing that will help my pain is 100 mg of IV demerol q15 min & demand a new nurse when i don't get it then then deny street drug use even though the tox screen is positive for coke, pot, and opioids...