Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Originally posted by ktwlpn

Don't drink anti freeze-----you will suffer for a really,really long time-then you'll die......

Something to go along with this one. Never drink ANY liquid you find in the garage, no matter how hot you are, no matter what kind of container it's in. One gent guzzled the contents of a sports drink bottle in his friend's garage only to discover that it was anti-freeze. The antidote for this is ETOH - our small hospital pharmacy quickly ran out of the IV version so he had to be kept awake and forced to drink 3-4 shots an hour until we could receive more from a hospital in another city the next morning! Had to send the ward clerk to the liquor store to get it! Try explaining THAT on your med-room tally! He did live by the way, but had to be kept drunk for three to four days to counteract the antifreeze. Not a pleasant experience. I doubt that he is even a social drinker now!

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This one's personal and I can laugh about it now.

If you are a new OB nurse, or reorientating after not having been in OB for ten+ years:

#1 - believe the woman in labour when her previous labour and delivery was less than three hours and she tells you it is time to push... don't tell her that she'll likely be in labour for twelve hours as the baby's head is crowning

#2 - learn how to attach the stirrups to the bed BEFORE the baby's head is crowning so the patient does not have to deliver with one leg up and one leg down and end up with a TON of internal stitches

BTW, I was the patient.

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Didn't actually see this one - heard about as a student:

Never shove pebbles up your urethra with a Q-tip so the hospital will belive you have stones and give you your drug of choice.

And if you must do this please dont ask your CNA for some Q-tips right after your friends leave so you can do it again.

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And never decide that the topical antibiotic that you were rubbing ON your hand would work better if you injected it INTO your hand. Your hand will necrose and you WILL lose it.

(As told to me by one of my instructors...)

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btw, regarding the high-volume vibrator use:

chief complaint: 'i am swollen down there'

stated reason for using vibrator 30x in one 24 hr period: 'i was feeling sexy'

age of patient: 70+

MD treatment plan: lidocaine jelly & instructions to 'refrain from vibrator use for 1 week'

who says life is dull out there?!:eek:

and did i hear that there is a research team forming to investigate this phenomena?:chuckle

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Ya gotta love it !

oh yes and baby rattlesnakes should never be put in little paperbags either

to avoid tragedy when you call 911 after trying to kill yourself with a kitchen knife...never lay down on the couch and pull the knife out of your heart while waiting for us to get to you... we can't make it on time

if drunk and have to pee look over the side of the 2 ft gardrail before hopping over...sometimes it really is a 20 ft drop

if your boyfriend insists he takes a extra large condum, be sure prior to entry...it will save you the embarasement of having to make a trip to the ER to get it removed

men...when given a urine specimen is is not necessary to put Mr. J in the urine cup... and he gets stuck...don't rub down with oil to get him out, he may just get stuck worse

and a tip for interns... when the medics bring in a s/p cardiac arrest with NSR that goes into v-fib, it is a good idea not to shock him when his hands come up and grab your arms when you have the defibrillator on his chest yelling CLEAR ! it really does cause fly-a-way hair and probably the staff was just in the process of changing him from the medics monitor to the ER's

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What an exciting post. As a nursing student, you have opened my eyes to what happens!

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If your husband is admitted to the hospital for DVT, don't call the Sheriff's Dept. and tell them that the doctors and nurses are trying to murder your husband because he is on Heparin and Coumadin. You will be the one who is carted off by the law.

Also, (same lady) do not pull out your medical dictionary and stop anyone (nurses, doctors, housekeepers, dietary) to tell them about your husband's condition (he had multiple diagnoses) and why he should have different meds and that the doctor is an "idiot". (The doctor is not very appreciative when she is called an "idiot".) BTW when the lady was asked by the charge nurse where she went to medical school (since she knew so much more than the docs or nurses), she replied that she knew all of this from reading her medical dictionary and that her mother taught nursing school when she was a "little girl" and she sat in the back of the class sometimes. Needless to say, she took him out AMA. :nono:

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

I learned this one the hard way.

DON"T take an Ambien and then wait till you feel sleepy to undress and go to bed.

I woke up one morning thinking I'd had a really odd dream about falling into my bathtub. Then my husband came in the room and asked me "What *were* you doing in the tub last night?"

One Ambien, all by itself, can literally knock you off your feet. It didn't hurt at the time but I had a bruise for a week.

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Wow!

I will stop laughing now and tell something I learned from a patient...

1.a. Don't follow your bosses instructions to pour a half-gallon of gasoline on that rubbish pile.. and THEN wait 5 minutes to approach it again and set a match to it.

1.b. Then DON"T drive yourself home and climb in a cool bath as you are in denial about the increasing difficulty you are having breathing.

1.c. THEN DON'T expect your wife to handle it very well when she is working as an EMT on an ambulance, happens to be driving and gets dispatched CODE 3 to her own house to pick up her own husband who has burns to his face and crispy nasal hairs.

Thankfully my supervisor came at the same time, meeting me at my home and offering to swap vehicles with me so HE would drive my husband to the E.R.

Yeah... the things we learn from our patients - my poor husband will never live that one down.

Kristin

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.
Originally posted by FNP grrl

btw, regarding the high-volume vibrator use:

chief complaint: 'i am swollen down there'

stated reason for using vibrator 30x in one 24 hr period: 'i was feeling sexy'

age of patient: 70+

MD treatment plan: lidocaine jelly & instructions to 'refrain from vibrator use for 1 week'

who says life is dull out there?!:eek:

and did i hear that there is a research team forming to investigate this phenomena?:chuckle

70 yrs old, and 30x's????

More power to her!!!! (except for soreness and injury) I only hope to feel that frisky at that age. :roll

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for the most part, i would not recommend self-castration with a pocket knife, even when the voices insist that it is a good idea. the rookie ER tech assigned to hold pressure while awaiting the surgeon's arrival will NOT appreciate the unique learning experience....:eek:

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