Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Jan 25, 2004

quote:

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Originally posted by FNP grrl

btw, regarding the high-volume vibrator use:

chief complaint: 'i am swollen down there'

stated reason for using vibrator 30x in one 24 hr period: 'i was feeling sexy'

age of patient: 70+

MD treatment plan: lidocaine jelly & instructions to 'refrain from vibrator use for 1 week'

who says life is dull out there?!

and did i hear that there is a research team forming to investigate this phenomena?

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I've learned a lot on this thread.:chuckle

Especially the 70 year old's sexy problem.

I've learned that it isn't good to saw trees down when you're in the woods alone. The chainsaw could kick back and take your innards out. :eek:

I've learned that it isn't very smart to walk to a pay telephone, call the ambulance to transport you to the hospital, while you're complaining about an injured back.

I've learned NOT to listen to a small child's instructions when he tells you to come in the house. You might not like what you will see.:imbar

I've learned that when an EMT has been dared to take you down on the floor to perform mouth to mouth resuscitation, you should not pucker up to kiss her. She'll tilt your head back and blow 2 big breaths in you. Then you'll get up off the floor and say, "cough, cough, Well, I guess I won that one.":D

enfermeraSG · Jan 25, 2004

I just can't stop reading these! OK, I have some contributions....

*If you are a pregnant prostitute, and start bleeding profusely from the lady parts while "on the job", and your "john" is nice enough to bring you to the hospital - please remind him to clean his face off first!!

*to anyone who's ever worked ER, do we all agree to no more "I slipped and fell on it" excuses?

*If you are pregnant and involved (married, etc) to someone who may not be the father, but thinks he is, while the other candidate is not of your race - labor and delivery not the best time to break the news

...and there's more where those came from! SG

jaimealmostRN · Jan 26, 2004

In my brief time working in a urban ED, I have learned that it is NOT a good idea to stab yourself in the abdomen because you "want a colostomy since the guy I like has one." Yes, I believe this woman had just been discharged from a psych. facility! :eek:

ktwlpn, LPN · Jan 26, 2004

Originally posted by enfermeraSG

*If you are a pregnant prostitute, and start bleeding profusely from the lady parts while "on the job", and your "john" is nice enough to bring you to the hospital - please remind him to clean his face off first!!

*

OH! OH! OH!!! MY gosh....ewwwwiw....yuch:stone It's too much to handle.....

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Jan 26, 2004

Originally posted by enfermeraSG
*If you are a pregnant prostitute, and start bleeding profusely from the lady parts while "on the job", and your "john" is nice enough to bring you to the hospital - please remind him to clean his face off first!!

Okay, I have a pretty strong stomach, but this one has me gagging!!!!!!!!!!!!

JACALA_CL · Feb 13, 2004

never drink enough to drown an elephant, eat spaghetti-o's then drive to the gas station and while enroute rollover your car, (ems said it was hard to tell which was the most coated, the car or the patient with spaghetti-o's that is)

heart queen · Feb 13, 2004

It's unwise to have an aerosol hairspray bottle lodged in a deep dark place, then become so embarrassed that you hop on the '95 and drive several hours, several states away from home, to an ER only to give a false name. After the bowel perf., emergent surgery, colostomy we have no way to contact anyone who may be searching for you a week later, when you still lay vented in a unit in septic shock.

Shotzie · Feb 13, 2004

It can be considered theft if you try on an expensive ring in a jewelry store that is waaaayy too small and then you can't get it off. When they call both the police and the paramedic sat the same time you are bound to be in trouble and you just might have to pay for that ring when it has to be cut off your rapidly turning blue finger!!

zudy · Feb 13, 2004

I have learned that it is unwise to swallow razor blades, even if some one dares you to. Our ED doc said,"This,too, shall pass."

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Feb 14, 2004

undefinednot to ride on gravel with your motorcycle. it just might remove an arm, and mess you up real bad

i have learned that it is unwise to swallow razor blades, even if some one dares you to. our ed doc said,"this,too, shall pass."

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Feb 14, 2004

Not to hit a gravel shoulder. It just might cause parts of your body to be altered for the rest of your life, and mess you up real bad.

I have learned that it is unwise to swallow razor blades, even if some one dares you to. Our ED doc said,"This,too, shall pass."

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Feb 14, 2004

New socks, no shoes+linoleum floor=not a "Risky Business" moment was had. (Was walking quickly on the kitchen floor, slipped and fell)

Wound up in the ER at my hospital with a sprained ankle, and a cracked tailbone. I think that was more embarrassing because i knew the staff there.