Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

aathomstew · Jan 5, 2004

When you have a PICC line for home antibiotics don't decided to flush with vodka - because it's clear and you ran out of your saline- PS more addictive than crack.

dragonfly954 · Jan 5, 2004

What were they thinking(from one that has a parrott that just bit me really hard yesterday).

K O'Malley · Jan 5, 2004

When you are on peridialysis, don't decide not to drain it and then leave the dialysate in the peritoneum for a couple of weeks. Dying from sepsis really sucks.

medic98 · Jan 6, 2004

Interesting reading indeed. Has had me in stiches this afternoon.

Couple from me.

Never try to break into your house through the bathroom window, while holding a screw driver. Your pants could fall down, and the screw driver could end up inserted in your orifice. Then you discover that the door was unlocked ?

Never think that a vacum cleaner would be good for masturbation, the tube can and often will get stuck !!

Never remove a wine bottle cork with your female nether regions. It gets nasty when it has been inserted in that orrifice for a month or so.

It is nice to have a laugh at times though...

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Jan 6, 2004

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW! :eek:

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Jan 6, 2004

Never decide to trade places with the driver of the open-top Jeep you're riding in at 70+ mph on a major highway without pulling over to do it. The people you're sharing the highway with tend to get a little verklempt when bodies start falling out of Jeeps that are flying upside down.

messiebare · Jan 6, 2004

never come to the ER with a broken off chair leg stuck up your rectum and tell the doctor you were running through the house and tripped on it when there is a condom on the end of the chair leg. thank goodness he didn't rupture anything. But my friend did make copies of the film just as a memory!!!

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Jan 6, 2004

Never brag about how much alcohol you can drink and still get behind the wheel of a vehicle. You really do see more than one road, or more than one person.

Never eat before going into active labor. What comes from your body first is definitely NOT the baby.

flowerchild · Jan 7, 2004

One of my patients taught me to never take a fast left while driving a boat with your wife and your girlfriend. They will let the boat come full circle at high speed to run you over with the propellor and chop off your butt.

Never reach down to touch a diamond shape in the sand while snorkelling in Sting Ray infested waters.

Never swim with hungry sharks, stinging jelly fish, and alligators.

Speaking of alligators! Never come down from up north and decide you're the crocidile hunter then decide to jump out of the boat to swim with the alligators in the river while your wife films and your kids watch........watch you get drowned and eaten.

Never jump off a bridge while a boat is coming under it.

Never drink water directly out of a stream or river, especially if there is a dead deer just upstream.

Never sit home for days without changing the dressing on your gapping leg wound. I really don't enjoy changing it at that point and please believe me when I tell you that the maggots really are a good thing.

Noney · Jan 7, 2004

Never run around the nurse's station yelling "I'm gonna go off if you don't do something" I f you do this long enough you might spend the rest of the night in 4 point restraints.

Noney

flashpoint · Jan 7, 2004

Some of the things in this thread are simply disgusting...I LOVE IT!!!

Liddle Noodnik · Jan 7, 2004

Originally posted by NICU_Nurse
This is a bad idea.

Dear God, how come you don't get combat pay! Are these all on your unit?